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Frustrated with Co-Parenting with a moron

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:44 PM
  • 17 Replies

OK! So here is my dilemma ! I am 25 years old, newly re married ( will be celebrating our 1st wedding anniversary this april !) . I have a gorgeous little 4 (almost 5) year old daughter who i dont share custody of with the father. The problem, we dont have a visitation schedule set up, havent ever since she was born. he comes and goes really as he pleases. he has gone as long as 8 months with any contact with her at all ( his doing not my own ). Just recently i got word that he is thinking about taking me to court to get a visitation order written up . I wouldnt have a problem with him wanting his daughter in his life, HOWEVER, he is irresponsible, has no job, and clearly not reliable as a father or adult even. AND he lives in a trailer, which again, wouldnt be bad, except said trailer has a stripper pole in the "living room" and only one bedroom. she would have no room to herself. not to mention the place is literally falling apart. Im frustrated because i now how the state of california is with father friendly rights and shit. Has anyone else had to or is dealing with something similar ? how can i protect my daughter from dum dum !?

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:49 PM
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Does he pay child support???
I would try to work out a visitation schedule on your own, to put safeguards in for your concerns for your dd's safety.

If it does go to court, bring pictures of his home and your concerns.
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mammaX4me
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I would retaliate with my own parenting plan, he needs to aquire a safe environment and be able to pay child support, if he doesn't have a job he obviously hasn't been paying any support(or at least doesn't have proof of payment) and you can sue him for back child support, see how interested he is in gaining more custody of her if he finds out he has to pay 5 years worth of support(plus continued support) and get a job to make repairs to his home or get a new one, too much money for someone who doesn't honeslty care. if he doesn't pay up that's jail time added to it. if he wants to play dirty and be an idiot then he should have thought about the fact that you had the upper hand all along.

MissErin28
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:06 PM
1 mom liked this

He is over 2 years behind in support. and i dont know how i would take pictures of the inside of his home since i am no longer aloud over there. i suppose i could request a home visit and have someone from CPS or an officer do a well care check on the home.

....ClvrScn.
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:12 PM
2 moms liked this
Child support and visitation are not dependant upon each other. Meaning, he can have visitation, without paying child support and/or being behind on child support.

Also here, a child who does not reside in a home 50% or more does not need their own room, as long as there is somewhere to sleep - couch, bed, inflatable mattress etc.

If the health department hasn't condemned the trailer, their probably isn't much you can do

If you have never filed abandonment ( in Ohio, 90 days no contact without interference from the custodial parent) them it doesn't matter how long he has gone in the past - you have to file abandonment for it to count

If he wants visitation, and you have allowed it in the past - you don't have a good argument. All he has to say is that you have always allowed it, until he decided to go about it legally - it could make you look bad

I'd consider settling in mediation, so you can get some of your terms in there
mammaX4me
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

no, visitation isn't dependant on child support, he would still get visitiation but what I meant was, would it be worth it to him after that? or would he just wind up signing his rights away and forgetting the whole thing to get out of paying? honestly, this guy doesn't sound like the type that is going to fight for his child.

MissErin28
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:50 PM

The sad thing is that he will use her to try and get on some kind of state aid. He is extremely lazy , and thats putting it nicely. i dont have anything against state aid, welfare or any other assistance when its used as assistance and not a paycheck or way of life. i will have to check and see how long he can go without seeing her or having any contact ( here in California) for me to file for abandonment .

GirlWSemiAuto
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 Request mediation! CA is hell on earth if you have to go to court. Get a mediator and have the mediator put in the agreement that anyone wanting to change the mediation agreement has to go pay for mediation before going to court.

Start making a list of things that you want so that the visits can be safe, such as overnight visits occur in a home where she will have her own space, etc.

MissErin28
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:22 PM

Yeah i am starting to realize that California is hell on earth PERIOD ! lol. not just with their famly law policy but with so many other things as well. The thing that irritates me the most, is that they will approve him visitation without a job or any way to provide for her during his visits. How can any judge look at him and say " no job? no income? Yes, you are fit to watch and care for a child, although you wont be able to buy food or anything for that matter" . Its beyond bogus . As it stands right now, his mother is letting him stay in this broke down trailer , and has let him have her old car to get around. ( to keep him out of her house ) . So he DOES have a perm. place to stay, but its hardly a dwelling... and its pink...its a pepto and white single wide mobile home... i know thats irrelevant, but just to paint the ghetto picture.. lol

MissErin28
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:25 PM


GirlWSemiAuto
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:37 PM

 Just stay out of court if at all possible. I could tell you stories that would make you want to jump out of your skin.

 If you're any where near LA I know a great mediator. She's seriously amazing. Find a mediator and then reach out to your ex. Spit it as, "I would love to more formally define your role in DD's life. Perhaps we could get together with a mediator and set up a written visitation schedule so that we will both be on the same page." Then prep like crazy with a list of ALL concerns you have about him having her. You'll still have to give him visitation, but it will keep you out of the courts and will give you a bit more control over the environment she will be in. 

Quoting MissErin28:

Yeah i am starting to realize that California is hell on earth PERIOD ! lol. not just with their famly law policy but with so many other things as well. The thing that irritates me the most, is that they will approve him visitation without a job or any way to provide for her during his visits. How can any judge look at him and say " no job? no income? Yes, you are fit to watch and care for a child, although you wont be able to buy food or anything for that matter" . Its beyond bogus . As it stands right now, his mother is letting him stay in this broke down trailer , and has let him have her old car to get around. ( to keep him out of her house ) . So he DOES have a perm. place to stay, but its hardly a dwelling... and its pink...its a pepto and white single wide mobile home... i know thats irrelevant, but just to paint the ghetto picture.. lol

 

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