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How do I make meaningful friendships as a married mom?!

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:52 PM
  • 21 Replies
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I love my kids and husband, but I am a very social being. I'd go as far as to say I am socially needy. I get really down and lonely without meaningful, connected friendships. I just don't know how to make them now. I don't want to just be friends with moms so our kids can play, I want friends who I can have adult conversations with over a cup of coffee when my kids are at school/daycare. Any ideas?
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mabrykathryn
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:54 PM
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I am currently going through the same dilemma. It's hard, I feel like "mom" friends are the way to go for myself, they understand more of everything I am going through, and have a better understanding. I tried being social with people my age, and I found their maturity level, well, non existent. 

KanPsMommy
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:07 PM

Have any of your friends from before having kids/getting married recently got married or had children? I'd seek them out. I had drifted apart from all my high school friends, then when I got run down being the SAHM type and never doing anything I reached out to them. We had great connections before all of us had children or got married, and now we have someone we can trust and love to talk to about the things our husbands do that drive us crazy, things our kids do that make us smile, and talk about the crazy things we did in high school. :)

hahahasyyke
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:15 PM
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Honestly, I feel like I can only develop superficial and surfaced relationships that only involve family and child talk when I try to befriend moms that I know. I want friends with a similar intellectual capacity and interests that exist outside of family and child life. I have family and child stuff when I am home, but I want friendships that don't revolve around children and family. I want friends who want to talk about something else. I don't know where to find them or how to build those relationships.

I had a friend who I used to have this with, and we are still friends but our schedules are conflicting. I just want someone I can meet with once a week or so and talk over coffee or something. I've thought about starting a book club, but I'm not sure I'd know how to host something like that. I've also thought about having get-togethers and parties so that I have the opportunity to socialize and grow closer to people in a group setting, but I don't really know how to host a party or how to put one together without a specific occasion either. 

I am also a full-time college student, so I've thought about study groups, but I don't want to do something that I feel will put limitations on the potential output of subject matter. More often than not, I find myself wishing I could hang out with my professors or something, because some are very intelligent and really likeable. 

Sigh. Just not sure how to go about this whole thing. I've never felt so alone in my free time before! 

hahahasyyke
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:18 PM
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I have a couple old friends who have had kids, but I've grown apart from most old friends and I find it feeling quite unnatural when I try to re-connect. Maybe because our friendship always existed as singles without children and now that we have families it seems like our thoughts have gone in different directions, even though we're experiencing the same lifestyle changes for the most part. 

rawzle
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:27 PM

I know how you feel. None of my friends have kids or are married so I feel like we can't relate anymore since they're used to juicy gossip or some drama and they don't want to go through the bajillion baby pictures I have lol.But seriously, I say look for new friends somehow. Does your college have any clubs? Or take a class to learn something new (artsy, musical, sports etc) and meet people who are new at it too.


Now I should go take my own advice lol

Courtney610
by Courtney on Feb. 28, 2013 at 6:56 AM
Make play dates. Reach out to people you may have lost touch with that now have kids.
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MMerrill
by Melissa on Mar. 2, 2013 at 9:30 PM

I got on facebook and became "friends" with a lot of girls I knew from high school (but was never really friends with or who I lost touch with) who were newly married and/or were new moms also.  I just struck up conversation with different ladies, then they (being in the same situation) would talk with others and then we would all make play dates together and such.  It's been a slow process but it's nice to have friends to relate too now.

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slrsgirl
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 9:47 PM
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If you want to make a book club or find a way to meet other people you could use meetups.com. I joined a moms group but you can type in whatever you are looking for a find groups or make one yourself.

hahahasyyke
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 9:22 PM
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To be clear, I don't want to rely on play dates. I want a life of my own that does not exist solely as the mother of my kids. I want to maintain my own identity. When I have play dates, it's no less about the kids than sitting here with them. I want friends for me, not for my kids. I've had play dates, and the biggest problem is that I am not only surrounded by my kids, but also then with other peoples' kids. Heck, I had a play date today and I didn't have any meaningful conversation with the people I was with. It was all talk about kids and potty training and terrible twos and -oh interruption, where did my kid go?! there they are!- you were saying? That's the OPPOSITE of what I want. I want friends who I can go have coffee with, go out and play pool at a bar with, have lunch with, and talk while my kids are not around. 

.Peaches.
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 9:42 PM
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Are you religous? If so, church (or whatever your house of worship is) is always a good place to start.

I don't have a lot of friends, I never did, so it doesn't bother me to be alone for long stretches of time. I prefer my own company most of time.

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