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Serious relationship advice needed

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:59 AM
  • 9 Replies
My husband is military, currently deployed, has PTSD from a previous deployment. Shortly before leaving for deployment he had an emotional affair with a female soldier. He ended the affair, told her to stay away, and we put our marriage back together. Shortly before he came home for R&R, she arrived at his new post. He has no desire to continue their affair, but she won't leave him alone, and he can't tell his bosses because then he has to admit the previous wrong doing. At this point he has pretty much lost his mind over it. He keeps saying "my only way out is to die". I could report his suicide threat, but he said that would just push him to it. I don't know what to say or do to give him comfort from 3000miles away. On top of all this is the fact that on his last deployment his now ex wife cheated on and left him. So not only is he dealing with stalker girl, he worries that he may lose me through sheer loneliness, or loneliness in combination with stalker girl. I love this man with all my heart, but I have no idea how to help him.
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:59 AM
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Replies (1-9):
ChancesMommy07
by Jessica on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:26 AM

Report it. He needs help and he's not going to get it any other way! 

.Peaches.
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:58 AM

He has a choice- tell his superiors who CAN help him. There's really nothing you can do, and I believe he's chosing self-torture to keep up appearances. He needs to suck it up and accept whatever consequences head his way because of his infidelities.

erin708
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:02 AM
I would report it. He may end up hurting someone else and not himself. PTSD isn't a joke. He may hate u but u have to do it.
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TempestRayne
by Donna on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:47 AM
Well, your hubby should be fine in admitting his previous dealings with her, since it was just an emotional affair. He ended things and now she is the one that is bothering him. The military.doesn't care about emotions, only actions and he needs to let his command deal with her since she is not taking his hint.
GirlWSemiAuto
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:21 AM
This. I don't think that's technically considered adultery by the military because there was nothing physical. He needs to get some help.
Quoting TempestRayne:

Well, your hubby should be fine in admitting his previous dealings with her, since it was just an emotional affair. He ended things and now she is the one that is bothering him. The military.doesn't care about emotions, only actions and he needs to let his command deal with her since she is not taking his hint.
s.osborne
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:58 PM

 Oh Lordie this is a doozie. I would be the stalker type girl and just constantly talk to him and be there for him as much as possible. It's very hard to find a medium to not push them too much, but still be there for them like a 3rd leg.

pbjtime87
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:02 PM

So she showed up 3k miles to his new deployment station? that is pyschotic... I would have DH report her ASAP, especially since it is messing with his mental well-being... either that or recommend he go to therapy to sort out his personal feelings. Also, try sending him more care packages while he's gone and love letters to ensure that you are not going anywhere... if you truly think he'd commit suicide, I'd report it to his command. Better he get help against his will, then willingly let him take his life.

howztheweather
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Thank you all! It's hard to think things through when you're in the middle if the situation.
EmmaZate
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM
It's possible that she just randomly got deployed there. The military is actually a very small community, especially when you think that if they were stationed together once they probably have the same or similar jobs so they can follow each other.

OP: this needs to be reported. She is causing problems for him. You need to report it to his unit, if you don't and he doesn't then she is getting away with all of it.


Quoting pbjtime87:

So she showed up 3k miles to his new deployment station? that is pyschotic... I would have DH report her ASAP, especially since it is messing with his mental well-being... either that or recommend he go to therapy to sort out his personal feelings. Also, try sending him more care packages while he's gone and love letters to ensure that you are not going anywhere... if you truly think he'd commit suicide, I'd report it to his command. Better he get help against his will, then willingly let him take his life.

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