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WWYD? I say....

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:48 AM
  • 10 Replies

 Not ever going to happen! 

So my dh and I have been married for 5 years and have a 3 1/2 year old and another due in June.  We met after college and both have had other relationships before, no big deal.  My dh has this one ex girlfrield (they dated for about 6 years) and they have remained friends.  I have no issues with her, they have a lot of mutual friends and we have gone to weddings,  parties and things where she was there, again... no big deal, she is actually very nice. 

This is where it gets complicated... the other day, my dh mentioned that his ex's mom emailed him and had asked if when we go to the lake for our "babymoon" in a couple of weeks (her mom has a lake house there as well) if she could babysit and be "nanny" (which is what her grandkids call her). 

I could tell that he was nervous to talk to me about it, so obviously he thought it was weird that she asked.  However he was literally waiting for me to answer.  I didn't know what to say, it's not like we don't have plenty of family offering to babysit anytime.  I finally just told him that I thought it was odd that she wants to build a relationship with our son when she has her own grandkids and has never spent any time with our kid, and I'd have to think about it. 

We have a great marriage and have never had any jealousy issues, and I don't think that is what this is either, it's just really weird to me that she wants to be involved in her daughters ex boyfriend's family. 

I'm not too sure how to approach this one, I don't want to say what I'm thinking "HELL NO!!" but he wouldn't have even asked me if he didn't want to consider it.  Normally he would have just blown it off. 

So... What Would You Do?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MomOfNolan
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:55 AM

BUMP!

Mommy4-27-08
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:16 PM
2 moms liked this
Umm... I'd say no but politely. Something like "oh thanks so much for offering but my family is actually keeping the kids for us on this trip. Maybe another time."... That way you're not being rude but still saying no....
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MrsLondon
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I'd say hell no.. lol.. Not happening. That's just too darn weird.

MomOfNolan
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:24 PM

 Thanks!  I think so, too!  We don't do very much that we don't bring our son along so asking either of our families is never a problem!  I just don't want to start an argument over it, I doubt he thinks I would go for it anyway though :)

Quoting Mommy4-27-08:

Umm... I'd say no but politely. Something like "oh thanks so much for offering but my family is actually keeping the kids for us on this trip. Maybe another time."... That way you're not being rude but still saying no....

 

MomOfNolan
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:25 PM

 Thank you!  I think it is super weird that she even asked!  On top of that, she knows that we are looking for a new house and has been repeatedly telling us to make sure we look in her neighborhood!  It's just strange to me!

Quoting MrsLondon:

I'd say hell no.. lol.. Not happening. That's just too darn weird.

 

MrsLondon
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:32 PM

I'd feel like she was one of those weirdo's who wants to hold on to him because she wanted her daugter to be in your place. Some women are obsessed with the SIL they wanted but didn't have lol. It's ok to keep in touch every blue moon maybe but to ask to watch my kids is just way too intrusive imo. He probably has a MIL who I'm sure is willing to watch the kids. You aren't his MIL so back off lady LOL.. I think I just got emotional... * calming down * teheehee

Quoting MomOfNolan:

 Thank you!  I think it is super weird that she even asked!  On top of that, she knows that we are looking for a new house and has been repeatedly telling us to make sure we look in her neighborhood!  It's just strange to me!

Quoting MrsLondon:

I'd say hell no.. lol.. Not happening. That's just too darn weird.

 


MomOfNolan
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:53 PM

I do kind of feel that way sometimes!  She is very nice but we've already got enough grandmas!  I don't want to create a negative relationship there but I just don't see why she needs to involve herself in our lives.  

Thanks for the input!  I don't feel so bad saying it's not going to happen!   

Quoting MrsLondon:

I'd feel like she was one of those weirdo's who wants to hold on to him because she wanted her daugter to be in your place. Some women are obsessed with the SIL they wanted but didn't have lol. It's ok to keep in touch every blue moon maybe but to ask to watch my kids is just way too intrusive imo. He probably has a MIL who I'm sure is willing to watch the kids. You aren't his MIL so back off lady LOL.. I think I just got emotional... * calming down * teheehee

Quoting MomOfNolan:

 Thank you!  I think it is super weird that she even asked!  On top of that, she knows that we are looking for a new house and has been repeatedly telling us to make sure we look in her neighborhood!  It's just strange to me!

Quoting MrsLondon:

I'd say hell no.. lol.. Not happening. That's just too darn weird.

 


 

MaddieKate
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:14 PM

If you dont want to hurt her feelings then say "Thanks for offereing we'll keep you in mind for sure!" and leave it at that.
My bf's mom still has a relationship with his ex. He and I have been together for 6 years. When we talk about getting married she ALWAYS makes a point to say "make sure Amy gets an invite!" umm....what!? no.
One of my ex's will be there, but that's ONLY because his family and my family have known eachother since my dad and his mom went to high school together, and I cant invite his ENTIRE family and ignore him and his wife.  It's not a jealousy issue either... I just find it odd.

MomOfNolan
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:22 PM
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 Definitely!  I don't want to be the negative one here, I'll just tell him to tell her "maybe sometime" and hope she forgets ;) Hopefully she is just being nice and thinks we could use the help, who knows!?

I wouldn't love being in your situation, fortunately for me, my MIL never really liked the ex GF so they don't communicate or anything.  Just remember, YOUR wedding, so YOUR guestlist ;)  Good luck with that one!

Quoting MaddieKate:

If you dont want to hurt her feelings then say "Thanks for offereing we'll keep you in mind for sure!" and leave it at that.
My bf's mom still has a relationship with his ex. He and I have been together for 6 years. When we talk about getting married she ALWAYS makes a point to say "make sure Amy gets an invite!" umm....what!? no.
One of my ex's will be there, but that's ONLY because his family and my family have known eachother since my dad and his mom went to high school together, and I cant invite his ENTIRE family and ignore him and his wife.  It's not a jealousy issue either... I just find it odd.

 

MMerrill
by Melissa on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:08 PM

When my son was in the NICU my ex boyfriends sister came to visit my son and it was no big deal to my husband.  Her brother and I didn't even break up on good terms but her and I talk weekly and are actually friends.  In that situation I feel like it's less weird, but in yours... it's not like the mother and your husband are best friends so I can see why it'd be weird.  I don't know why she thinks you would choose her to baby sit your kid over all YOUR friends and family.

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