Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

could she be right

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:26 PM
  • 16 Replies
Ok after talking to my grandma yesterday I gave really been thinking about what she said. She know that me and my so and I have been having problems lately and she said that ladies theses days are so quick to leave relationships and marriages without trying to work things out and that why there are so many broken homes and single moms withmultiple baby father blah blah blah bunch of crap I've heard before. I told her that there was no fixing anything with my ex and he was a monster and there is no fixing that and that I am trying to work things out with SO but sometimes he can be to much to deal with and if they keep going the way they are it will end up like my last but we are working on things. Well she told me maybe it'd not the men in my life that its not that likely to have them many type of men in my life that are that much a alike so maybe its me that make the guy treat me this way and I never stay long enough to see who the will prob is. Yea it hurt my feeling at first when she said that but then I thought could she be right is there something wrong with me
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Courtney610
by Courtney on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:46 PM
Um. No. You are in a toxic relationship. You deserve better than to be in a toxic relationship. Maybe, you just keep falling for the wrong type of guy. Next time, raise your expectations and don't settle for someone who is mentally abusive. You can't control how he treats you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
greeneyes1990
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:22 PM
That's what I thought I was doing with my SO, his whole lifestyle was diffrent so I thought he was diffrent not saying that he is like my ex because he isn't at all. Me ex was Like a nightmare constantly having to deal with his treatment everyday never any peace at lest with my SO I can read him and no when to not go there. So like my grandma.said maybe its me because all of them can't be the same
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Nicoles2LilRams
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe you're attracted to a certain type of person, but that doesn't mean you DESERVE to be treated like crap!  Your grandmother is from a different time period.. women were having all the same problems (abuse, cheating husbands, being treated like crap) but it was all hush hush!  You weren't supposed to talk about those things, you tied on your apron and cooked roasts for Sunday dinner.

If things with you and your SO don't work out, my best advice would be to let go of the dating scene for a year or so.  Work on making YOU and YOUR KIDS happy on your own, go to school, get a job you want, whatever would make you happiest and most self reliant.  When you get to that place, the right guy will be easier to find. 

A man will never make you happy if you can't do it on your own.

greeneyes1990
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:18 AM
That's how she expects all of us to be most of the women in our family of been lucky with picking the right guy. Me not so much, she also has this favoritism like a couple of my cousin have plenty of kids with diffrent guys she don't say anything to them but me and my other cousin we can just tell we are disgrace.she was do upset when I left my ex she wouldn't speak to me for months, she is the main reason o don't really tell my family anything anymore yea I tell them we are having problems but nothing more them that because she just have her way to make ppl feel bad. My SO is about to start anger management so I am keeping positive that it will change him and right now I am in school in working so if stuff dosent go as planned I won't have to depend on my fam


Quoting Nicoles2LilRams:

Maybe you're attracted to a certain type of person, but that doesn't mean you DESERVE to be treated like crap!  Your grandmother is from a different time period.. women were having all the same problems (abuse, cheating husbands, being treated like crap) but it was all hush hush!  You weren't supposed to talk about those things, you tied on your apron and cooked roasts for Sunday dinner.

If things with you and your SO don't work out, my best advice would be to let go of the dating scene for a year or so.  Work on making YOU and YOUR KIDS happy on your own, go to school, get a job you want, whatever would make you happiest and most self reliant.  When you get to that place, the right guy will be easier to find. 

A man will never make you happy if you can't do it on your own.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Nicoles2LilRams
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:21 AM

That's great!  It sounds like you both are taking steps in the right direction!

If you family won't support you, you don't need them!

Quoting greeneyes1990:

That's how she expects all of us to be most of the women in our family of been lucky with picking the right guy. Me not so much, she also has this favoritism like a couple of my cousin have plenty of kids with diffrent guys she don't say anything to them but me and my other cousin we can just tell we are disgrace.she was do upset when I left my ex she wouldn't speak to me for months, she is the main reason o don't really tell my family anything anymore yea I tell them we are having problems but nothing more them that because she just have her way to make ppl feel bad. My SO is about to start anger management so I am keeping positive that it will change him and right now I am in school in working so if stuff dosent go as planned I won't have to depend on my fam


Quoting Nicoles2LilRams:

Maybe you're attracted to a certain type of person, but that doesn't mean you DESERVE to be treated like crap!  Your grandmother is from a different time period.. women were having all the same problems (abuse, cheating husbands, being treated like crap) but it was all hush hush!  You weren't supposed to talk about those things, you tied on your apron and cooked roasts for Sunday dinner.

If things with you and your SO don't work out, my best advice would be to let go of the dating scene for a year or so.  Work on making YOU and YOUR KIDS happy on your own, go to school, get a job you want, whatever would make you happiest and most self reliant.  When you get to that place, the right guy will be easier to find. 

A man will never make you happy if you can't do it on your own.



greeneyes1990
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:35 AM
My So mom is supportive after her talking to him he decided to go to counseling. She told me she has been in my shoes and she use to think stuff like that was ok but she said she isn't going Stanford fit her don being that way.


Quoting Nicoles2LilRams:

That's great!  It sounds like you both are taking steps in the right direction!

If you family won't support you, you don't need them!

Quoting greeneyes1990:

That's how she expects all of us to be most of the women in our family of been lucky with picking the right guy. Me not so much, she also has this favoritism like a couple of my cousin have plenty of kids with diffrent guys she don't say anything to them but me and my other cousin we can just tell we are disgrace.she was do upset when I left my ex she wouldn't speak to me for months, she is the main reason o don't really tell my family anything anymore yea I tell them we are having problems but nothing more them that because she just have her way to make ppl feel bad. My SO is about to start anger management so I am keeping positive that it will change him and right now I am in school in working so if stuff dosent go as planned I won't have to depend on my fam





Quoting Nicoles2LilRams:

Maybe you're attracted to a certain type of person, but that doesn't mean you DESERVE to be treated like crap!  Your grandmother is from a different time period.. women were having all the same problems (abuse, cheating husbands, being treated like crap) but it was all hush hush!  You weren't supposed to talk about those things, you tied on your apron and cooked roasts for Sunday dinner.

If things with you and your SO don't work out, my best advice would be to let go of the dating scene for a year or so.  Work on making YOU and YOUR KIDS happy on your own, go to school, get a job you want, whatever would make you happiest and most self reliant.  When you get to that place, the right guy will be easier to find. 

A man will never make you happy if you can't do it on your own.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
averysmommom
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:36 AM

Not trying to hurt your feelings but grandmothers (although old fashioned) have a lot of knowledge. Not that there is "something wrong" with you but there is something about these men that you are drawn to. Ppl say you can't help who you fall in love with but I think we have choices and these choices affect who we fall for.

greeneyes1990
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:53 AM
My ex and my SO are like night and day personality and lifestyle wise I truly thought it would be diffrent and it was until we started having problems. And my grandma wasn't talking bout the type guys I pick, she was talking about me as a person like I am the prob its kind of hard to explain


Quoting averysmommom:

Not trying to hurt your feelings but grandmothers (although old fashioned) have a lot of knowledge. Not that there is "something wrong" with you but there is something about these men that you are drawn to. Ppl say you can't help who you fall in love with but I think we have choices and these choices affect who we fall for.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
6under1roof
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:12 AM

Not knowing anything about how either man treated you, I can say this...

I doubt there's anything wrong with you- or him for that matter. 
I agree with her that people are way too quick to run away from problems than try to work them out together.  Unless there is abuse involved, I think almost any problem can be worked through if both parties are willing to try.

Some people are just plain incompatible. The spark is there, the sexual attraction is there, but in day to day interaction they just don't get along.

I think, if you want to stay with this man, then you both have to figure out what is causing whatever the problems are. Get to the root of the problem. Bandaid solutions are only a temporary fix, and the problem will come back.

Your grandma is on to something- not that there is something wrong with you, because nobody is perfect, but instead, that maybe you do run away too quick. Maybe as soon as things start to get rocky you freak out and break up. Figure out why that is. Talk to a therapist and try to get to the root of that issue. And then try to learn how to overcome it.

greeneyes1990
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:25 AM
My ex was the type that couldn't go a day with out keeping his hands to himself always angry anything would set him off never had anything nice to say barely could go anywhere always was accused of cheating. I stayed for as I could trying to work things out, he got a lil better when I got prey with our son but towards the end things got worst then they were before so I left him a little bit before my son turned 2. My SO isn't close to as bad he was he days can be a ass and day things that are hurtful he isn't as controlling at lest with him I still go places I have a job and am able to finish school and isn't as handy as my ex he nay get mad and hit every once in awhile but its not like I'm getting my ass kicked everyday like before. Im trying to work things out with my SO becuz I do want us to be a fam and maybe after he is done with his angry management me and him both can go to couples counseling


Quoting 6under1roof:

Not knowing anything about how either man treated you, I can say this...

I doubt there's anything wrong with you- or him for that matter. 
I agree with her that people are way too quick to run away from problems than try to work them out together.  Unless there is abuse involved, I think almost any problem can be worked through if both parties are willing to try.

Some people are just plain incompatible. The spark is there, the sexual attraction is there, but in day to day interaction they just don't get along.

I think, if you want to stay with this man, then you both have to figure out what is causing whatever the problems are. Get to the root of the problem. Bandaid solutions are only a temporary fix, and the problem will come back.

Your grandma is on to something- not that there is something wrong with you, because nobody is perfect, but instead, that maybe you do run away too quick. Maybe as soon as things start to get rocky you freak out and break up. Figure out why that is. Talk to a therapist and try to get to the root of that issue. And then try to learn how to overcome it.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)