It's not postpartum, you're just clueless
I am a new mom to a precious little girl named Aria. She is almost two months old and in that time I have grown to adore her completely. Things have been a little rough getting used to her existence, her dependence, her constant presence - but we're getting there. Lately, things on the husband front have been troubling me and no matter how I try to confront him with my feelings his solution is 'Gee it must be that post mortem thing. You should just find new friends.'
I don't care who you are, you would have to have a heart of steel to not feel a little down about losing the old you but I don't think that a little bit of pining for your old life necessarily means you are suffering from post partum. I am the first of all my friends to have a baby. So, yes, it sucks to sit home and wonder what the rest of the crew is doing but I am not thinking of flinging myself from the roof or drowning my baby in the tub. With that said, I do feel the strain on my relationship with my husband.
At first, he seemed pretty interested in playing the active Dad role but now it seems I can't get him to be home for much more than sleeping. Every night he is out and about with his friends, going out for dinner and drinks, coming home with just enough time to say hello and hit the hay. He doesn't lend a hand at night when the baby wakes up. Just this morning around 7:00 I get the "you better grab some food before she starts screaming" alert from his side of the bed... I do breast feed but am also pumping so in theory he COULD help me out... He doesn't. So I am left with little help, running on little sleep and handling everything home/baby related. I am a self-employed real estate appraiser and have even begun working again to stave off any other feelings of uselessness that I might have been susceptible to.
Ultimately, I am fed up. I tried to talk to him about how it makes me feel to see him going out all of the time and leaving me in the dust but his conclusion is "Sara you just can't go to the bar." I KNOW I CAN'T! But why does he? We used to be best friends. We used to do everything together. Now that I can't do everything I feel like I have been discarded. I've cried about it, yea. Sometimes I wish I could just leave the baby with him and go get a pedicure but I can't. But his chocking it all up to me just being hormonal is more than aggravating. He just doesn't want to see that it's him I have the problem with.
I think that is truly the root of why I feel in any way shape or form like I am depressed. A lot has changed that I think I can handle but I never saw it coming. I don't get why I have been abandoned and I am scared that he is just going to drift further and further away if I don't make him see it soon.
Has anyone else had this happen? How can I get my husband back so my life doesn't fall apart?