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14 yr old DD isn't telling me what's wrong and I'm worried... help please!! *UPDATE* *UPDATES 2 and 3*

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My 14 year old DD has been acting extremely strange lately. On Tuesday afternoon, she had a half day at school so she went to her friend's house afterwards just to hang out. Since then, she has not been herself AT ALL. I am extremely worried. She has spent all her time in her room and only comes out when she absolutely has to, like to go to school or to eat a meal, or obviously, go to the bathroom.

She won't talk to anyone in the family and she has looked very nervous when I actually do see her, like there's something really bothering her. I have tried to go talk to her many, many times, but she has refused my offer each and every time. A couple of her teachers called and said her performance has been at an extreme low the past two days and that she has looked anxious or worried, as well as slightly depressed.

I tried taking her to the doctor, but she is refusing to talk to anybody about what's bothering her. A few people have said maybe she got into a fight with her friend, but I HIGHLY doubt that's the case. Whenever DD has gotten into a fight with a friend in the past, she has never ever acted like this and always feels comfortable talking to me about it.

I am incredibly worried because I have no clue what's going on and no matter how hard I try, she is not talking to anyone about what's going on.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much ladies!

**UPDATE**

She has agreed to write me a letter telling me what's wrong (finally!) but I am relieved yet terrified since she said what happened was really bad. Thanks for all your help and positive vibes. I hope that it is not as bad as she is making it out to be. Will post another update soon.

**UPDATE 2**

Sorry ladies that I didn't update for a while, but as you can imagine, when you are going through such a time, Cafe mom is not exactly at the top of your "to-do list," especially when you have 6 other kids, and some that are quite young.

2 things you should know for easier read of the letter: 1. Lindsey is the friend whose house DD went over to that day. 2. Lindsey's brother is 15 years old.

Anyways, here is what she wrote me in the letter:

"Dear mom,

I am sorry I refused to tell you what happened for so long. I was just really shaken up and I didn't have the words to tell you because I was really scared you would hate me. But you told me that you would be here for me no matter what and always love and support me, so I'm going to tell you what happened.

When I was at Lindsey's house, she had to go downstairs and help get dinner ready. I asked her if she wanted me to come help, but she told me it's okay, I could just chill in her room. So I did. Then, her brother, Spencer, walked in and shut the door behind him, so I kind of was like what is going on here? Then, he came over and told me that I looked hot. I told him thanks but really you should back off now. Then, he kissed me and I tried to push him off, but he is a lot bigger and stronger than me, so I couldn't. He told me that he liked me and he told me to take my clothes off.

I told him no and pushed him back, but he pushed me onto Lindsey's bed and fell on top of me, breathing heavily. I tried to get him off again, but like I said before, he was a lot stronger and bigger. He said he wanted to have sex with me. When I said NO, he started putting his hand up my skirt. And one thing led to another and I couldn't think of what to do. I tried to shove him off, but it didn't work. So then I said, "I hear Lindsey coming!" And he leapt off down the hall. I ran as fast as I could downstairs to Lindsey. I didn't tell her about what he had done because I was so scared. I didn't know if it was a possibility if I could be pregnant. That was the scariest thing. I didn't know how I could tell you that I could be pregnant. I thought you would hate me. It was the most terrifying thing. I still don't know if I'm pregnant. I don't want you to be mad at me.

Love,

Bethany"

--Any suggestions of what to do at this point would be EXTREMELY helpful. I have looked into a few options, but nothing that I would want to do yet. I don't know how to help her or what I should do. Thanks for all the support, ladies.

*UPDATE 3*

We have been to the doctor, the cops, and met with the boy's family. The boy's family was extremely defensive, claiming their son would never do such a thing. But I told my DD about how serious the situation was and how imperative she tell the truth, and I wouldn't be mad if she had tweaked the story before. DD said the story was true, and of course I believed her. The cops are investigating the situation further and are waiting until we give them the results of the pregnancy test, which the doctor said we have to wait one more week to do. We have also gotten DD into counseling so she can talk to a counselor about all this trauma.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (41-50):
Retrokitty
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:51 PM
I meant say it in more a nicer understanding, trusting way but I get what you mean. Keep us posted.

Quoting kmh4girls:


Quoting Retrokitty:

Honestly this may sound meant but go in there and say I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. I'm not going to judge you but as your mom I care for you and I know something's up. If she refuses start naming off really bad things you think she could have done. Like are you doing hard drugs? Etc.

Okay thanks for the input! I'm just tentative about doing so because I don't want her to feel like I distrust her. In that event, she wouldn't trust me and wouldn't tell me and then I'd just be back at square 1.

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kmh4girls
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:52 PM

She agreed to write me a letter. I am relieved yet terrified. Will update you soon.

Quoting erin708:

Oh man. Keep us posted.


kmh4girls
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:53 PM

Thanks for your help :) She agreed to write a letter stating what's wrong (finally!) and I am relieved yet terrified. Will update you soon.

Quoting Retrokitty:

I meant say it in more a nicer understanding, trusting way but I get what you mean. Keep us posted.

Quoting kmh4girls:


Quoting Retrokitty:

Honestly this may sound meant but go in there and say I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. I'm not going to judge you but as your mom I care for you and I know something's up. If she refuses start naming off really bad things you think she could have done. Like are you doing hard drugs? Etc.

Okay thanks for the input! I'm just tentative about doing so because I don't want her to feel like I distrust her. In that event, she wouldn't trust me and wouldn't tell me and then I'd just be back at square 1.


lamommy23
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:55 PM
did you ask her if he had bothered her? i really hope not
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kmh4girls
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:57 PM


Quoting lamommy23:

did you ask her if he had bothered her? i really hope not

I asked once but she refused to answer. I really hope not too. We can only wait and see and hope for the best at this point. Will keep you updated!

MissMia22
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:57 PM
Good luck hopefully it is not super terrible
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Mrs.wilcox01
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Here's a bump
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kathrynsmomma03
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Hoping for the best
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kmh4girls
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:58 PM


Quoting Mrs.wilcox01:

Here's a bump

Thank you

lamommy23
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 7:58 PM
glad shes going to write you a letter remember stay calm.no matter what it is, goodluck!

Quoting kmh4girls:


Quoting lamommy23:

did you ask her if he had bothered her? i really hope not

I asked once but she refused to answer. I really hope not too. We can only wait and see and hope for the best at this point. Will keep you updated!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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