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Am I right in thinking my therapist was out of line?

Posted by on May. 2, 2013 at 5:36 PM
  • 9 Replies

Okay, I've been going to therapy. I suffer from Anxiety/Depression. I get very anxious before I fall into my depression. I'm medicated and it has been working, but in February I lost my Nanny (Grandmother) who was my best friend. She lived with me the last several years of her life, and I was the closest grandchild to her. 
Though her passing has caused me much sadness and depression, I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. She had COPD, and her whole entire back was a mess from a fall years ago and it kept getting worse. She was taking up to three 80MG Oxycontin a day, and three 15MG in between for breakthrough pain. I'm 
 a nurse and I KNOW that was doing nothing for her but making everything worse. 
The reason we're so close is because I've had Open Heart Surgery, then at 17 years old my ribs grew over themselves and they had to take them apart and put them back where they were supposed to be. Now my chest has caved in on itself and I'm waiting for them to put a titanium bar in my chest to pop it back out, so I understand the love/hate relationship of pain medicine.

ANYWAY - we started out the session by talking about how tough it's been since my Nanny has passed, and then I just threw in there a little trust issue I'm having with my Mom.  This is MY therapist and she says "You just threw your Mom under the bus." That's out of line right? frown mini

by on May. 2, 2013 at 5:36 PM
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Replies (1-9):
k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2013 at 5:46 PM

I'm not sure. I think therapists are supposed to be honest with you but from what you said in this post it doesn't sound like bringing up a trust issue would be "throwing her under the bus"... just an issue that you wanted to talk about with your therapist.

KimTaylor76
by on May. 2, 2013 at 5:46 PM
That seems unprofessional. Did you ask her why she said that?
TempestRayne
by Donna on May. 2, 2013 at 5:49 PM
It depends on the context. I don't really want to know what trust issue you have, but if you feel unhappy, talk to your therapist about it.
frndlyfn
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2013 at 5:53 PM

definitely talk more to the therapist about it.  She could have meant that by bringing up mom you are avoiding a more important issue in their eyes or something else.  None of us were there to hear the context of how everything was said.  This may be a tough love type of therapist.

MrsNowakowski
by on May. 2, 2013 at 5:54 PM

I was so flustered at the response, I really felt like my Mother was in the room and she was being stood up for when my therapist was supposed to be listening to me and why I felt that way. Not to mention it was the first time I had seen her since my Nanny had passed and I broke down right away! She told me I was mistaking my grief for depression and spent not even ten minutes on the subject, so I'm looking for a new one now.

MrsNowakowski
by on May. 2, 2013 at 6:04 PM

The context was that I was explaining my Mother lied to me about something for three years, and when I would come upon evidence of it and just say "Be Honest" she'd say "Londyn, you're crazy to ever think I would do that." So I was explaining why I might have a trust issue with my Mom sitting in on a session because if she lied to me for three years about something so petty, what else could she lie to me about? That's when my therapist said "You just threw your Mom under the bus." I don't see how because I was being 100% honest.

k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on May. 2, 2013 at 7:11 PM

Yeah, I don't see how in that context either. I think you are right to look for a new therapist.

Quoting MrsNowakowski:

The context was that I was explaining my Mother lied to me about something for three years, and when I would come upon evidence of it and just say "Be Honest" she'd say "Londyn, you're crazy to ever think I would do that." So I was explaining why I might have a trust issue with my Mom sitting in on a session because if she lied to me for three years about something so petty, what else could she lie to me about? That's when my therapist said "You just threw your Mom under the bus." I don't see how because I was being 100% honest.


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Angel_Red7
by on May. 3, 2013 at 11:35 AM

For someone that suffers with depression it can be easy to mistaken certain feelings with depression which leads you into depression. Did you ask your therapist to explain exactly what she meant by her comment? I don't want to sound rude, but maybe as a therapist she did find your trust issue petty since she is there to help you and you won't let your mom in thus not letting your therapist help you? Maybe she found offense. I would have just asked what she truly meant or why she felt that way.

MrsNowakowski
by on May. 6, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Angel, I am going to go back one more time (or it could turn into a regular basis) to ask the questions I didn't, like about the comment and get some clarification. 

My Mom and I have an AWESOME relationship which is why just letting her know I wasn't ready for a "mom sit in" until she got to know me better bothered me. Especially her feeling I threw my Mom under the bus.

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