toddler lipstickWell you survived the baby years. But guess what?!? Toddlers are next! It's a whole new, exciting, crazy world. Say goodbye to clean surfaces, unbroken everything, and your sanity. How can you tell when you're the mother of a toddler? That Dora sticker on your butt is a dead giveaway. You can't have nice things anymore. And don't even get me started on potty training. Here are 25 ways you can tell you're the mom of a toddler.





1. Crayon on the Walls

Your walls are decorated with crayon. So is your furniture. And pretty much every surface where you don't actually want crayon.

2. Everyone Gets a Gold Star!

You go around telling adults encouraging things like "great job!" and "I know you tried your best" -- like they're toddlers trying things out for the first time.

3. One Strong Arm

Your Toddler-Carrying Arm is noticeably stronger than your other arm.

4. Toys in Your Bag

Your hand bag makes a rattling sound from all the little cars, animals, and other toys inside it.

5. Goodnight Moon Is DEEP, Man

Upon your 1000th reading of Goodnight Moon, the story suddenly takes on a profound, hidden meaning for you... which you cannot remember the next morning.

6. Catching Vomit

You notice your kid is about to vomit and your first instinct is to throw out your hands to catch it.

7. Costume 24/7

Your kid wears his Halloween costume every day, all day. And you don't even care. Also? He literally is the Devil. You're sure of it.

8. Glitter Forever

There is glitter embedded deep within the fibers of your rugs. Forever.

9. Closet Snacks

You hide in the closet to snack on cookies and candy because you know your toddler shouldn't be eating those sweets. But Mama needs her chocolate fix NOW!

10. Crying Over Spilt Milk

Actually, you do cry over spilled milk, because OMG, AGAIN?!? This is the third time today!

11. No Plain Band-Aids

You actually don't own any plain band-aids. They all have cartoon characters or superhero emblems on them.

12. You Can't Read Anymore

All your books look like this. Your books. Should've gotten those taller bookcases!

13. Stickers Everywhere

There are stickers everywhere. On the sofa, on the dog, on the regrigerator. Sometimes you come home to find out there's been a sticker on your butt all day.

14. How Did That Happen?

You've stopped asking yourself this question.

15. Your Pets Look Faaaabulous

You now have a tutu-tolerant dog. Congratulations.

16. What Is That On Your Face?

You can't tell if she's gotten into your lipstick (AGAIN) or if she's been eating beets, or if she got into those popsicles you were saving in the freezer.

17. It Doesn't Even Phase You

Fell asleep while eating a chocolate bar and got chocolate all over the handmade quilt? It's all good! He's finally asleep and that's ALL THAT MATTERS.

18. Mommy Can't Have Nice Things Anymore

Dammit! That was my favorite necklace! How did she find it way up high on that shelf?

19. Toys in Strange Places

Superman lives in your refrigerator, right by the Legos.

20. Haunted by "NO"

You hear the word "NO" in your sleep. Over and over again.

21. I Hate That Chair

You have really strong opinions on potty chairs. Like this one. Do you have fifteen minutes to spare? I'd like to tell you why this potty chair is so poorly designed. Wait, where are you going?

22. Your Happiest Moment of 2013

She finally figured it out -- the pee pee goes INSIDE the potty! YES! BEST DAY EVER!!!! WHY AM I SO EXCITED OVER THIS?!?

23. Inside Your Kitchen Cabinets

The plastic horror that lies within!

24. More Bath Toys Than Bubbles

You're not even sure how there's room for your kid in the bathtub with all those toys in there.

25. You Still Need That Glass of Wine

Just remember, in a couple of years you can send the kid to Kindergarten!

What other ways would you add to this list?