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Need some advice and help!!!!!!

Posted by on May. 18, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  • 18 Replies
I have an 18 month old who started the terrible twos a little early and she likes to throw tantrums. Mt husband and I took her to a renaissance festival and she started a tantrum when I put her in the stroller because she wanted me to carry her but 20 weeks pregnant and 90+ degree heat that wasn't happening. I put one hand on each side of her face so I could get her to look at me and let her go after I told her to stop. She then proceeded to continue the tantrum so I got her out of the stroller and popped her on her butt once or twice to get her attention and set her down. A woman saw this and got security and told them that I threw her back in the stroller and shook her when I didn't even come close to that they had police at the location also because they always have and I had to talk to them too the cop actually told me that he has to report this to cps even though she was happy and perfectly fine 2 seconds after I put on the ground to play. They are taking the woman's word for what she said she saw because she said she used to be a cop. I am upset and angry because I have never done anything to my daughter to hurt her and I'm basically being told that I am not allowed to discipline my toddler in public. Has anyone ever had to deal with insane stupid crap like this before? I don't know what to do at this point I am just trying not to lose it. I have at least 2 days before I might even hear from cps because it is Saturday. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this besides my husband and he has never been in this situation before either. Just in case yall are wondering I live in Texas. I will welcome any advice. Please and thank you for reading this whole post I didn't mean for it to be this long.
by on May. 18, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kai44
by on May. 18, 2013 at 11:57 PM

CPS got involved with me and DH because someone lied and told CPS I lock my DD in the bedroom for hours on end. I know who said it, but for privacy reasons, I will not say who. Unless CPS can get physical proof by doing an investigation, there is nothing they can do. They WILL come to your house, look around, and probably take a look at your daughter to see if she has any marks on her. They will come for a visit several times to "follow up". They will ask you a ton of questions, whether it pertains to the case or not. But make sure DD has her own place to sleep, whether it be a pack and play or a crib in your room or her own. Make sure there is food in the fridge (yes, they do look in your fridge) and remember.... you do NOT have to answer their questions, but if you do, answer honestly. Get some character witnesses on your behalf. The social worker may also ask you for some numbers for character witnesses. And for future reference, maybe you shouldn't discipline that way in public. Because people will look at it the wrong way and report it, whether you did something harmful or not. Ever since our encounter with CPS, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and I am second guessing myself before I do something, just because some people can be ridiculous. Hope this helps, and sorry this is long too!

newmom10142011
by on May. 19, 2013 at 12:06 AM

 she has her own room and bed the only marks she has are the usual toddler stuff. a couple bruises on her shins from falling down and one on her head because she put a blanket over her head and ran through the living room at full speed and before i could catch her ran into the shelf on the entertainment center. she is a typical toddler. I am just so mad because i didnt even come close to doing what she said i did and now i have to deal with this while im pregnant and hormonal so i have just been trying not to break down in tears from all of this.


Quoting kai44:

CPS got involved with me and DH because someone lied and told CPS I lock my DD in the bedroom for hours on end. I know who said it, but for privacy reasons, I will not say who. Unless CPS can get physical proof by doing an investigation, there is nothing they can do. They WILL come to your house, look around, and probably take a look at your daughter to see if she has any marks on her. They will come for a visit several times to "follow up". They will ask you a ton of questions, whether it pertains to the case or not. But make sure DD has her own place to sleep, whether it be a pack and play or a crib in your room or her own. Make sure there is food in the fridge (yes, they do look in your fridge) and remember.... you do NOT have to answer their questions, but if you do, answer honestly. Get some character witnesses on your behalf. The social worker may also ask you for some numbers for character witnesses. And for future reference, maybe you shouldn't discipline that way in public. Because people will look at it the wrong way and report it, whether you did something harmful or not. Ever since our encounter with CPS, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and I am second guessing myself before I do something, just because some people can be ridiculous. Hope this helps, and sorry this is long too!


 

wodntulk2kno1
by on May. 19, 2013 at 12:09 AM
Well yes, of course cps is going to get involved. Anytime someone makes a report they have to look into it. First of all You have to think about what this person saw and didn't hear. She sees you with both hands on her face not knowing how hard your gripping her. Then as you call it you pop her in the butt. Change those words when you talk to cps. Is that what you told the police also? Just curious because the cop is the one who is reporting you. Spanking your child in public is an open invitation to be investigated.
Make sure your house is clean, your child is clean, she is dressed appropriate, you have food in your house, etc
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newmom10142011
by on May. 19, 2013 at 12:27 AM

 the thing is if i hit her hard she would still have been crying when i set her on the ground she stopped within 2 seconds of her feet touching the ground. it was pretty obvious that she was fine. as for everything else there is always food the house is mostly clean and that is only because we have had to do some rearranging since we found out we are having another baby and we had to get a new mattress so the old one is still on the landint leaning against the railing that is about the messiest the house is and i have a few dishes in the sink from yesterday and thursday that i couldnt fit in the dishwasher. i am just mad that she butt into something that was none of her business and said that i did stuff i obviously didnt do.


Quoting wodntulk2kno1:

Well yes, of course cps is going to get involved. Anytime someone makes a report they have to look into it. First of all You have to think about what this person saw and didn't hear. She sees you with both hands on her face not knowing how hard your gripping her. Then as you call it you pop her in the butt. Change those words when you talk to cps. Is that what you told the police also? Just curious because the cop is the one who is reporting you. Spanking your child in public is an open invitation to be investigated.
Make sure your house is clean, your child is clean, she is dressed appropriate, you have food in your house, etc


 

Mommy4-27-08
by Silver Member on May. 19, 2013 at 3:38 AM
I don't spank my kids in public for this reason. When the cops get any kind of a report of child abuse they report it. I would clean the house, keep food in it, etc.

While you may think she should mind her own business, I think she was concerned and spoke up. If you saw a child you thought was being abused wouldn't you speak up?
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melissacox86
by on May. 19, 2013 at 8:45 AM
Cps doesnt want to take your kids away. They are not the bad guys they just have to make sure the child is not in danger. As long as the child is safe and doesnt look abused you will be fine
RCHC
by on May. 19, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Man, that blows. I dealt with DCF because my DD has special needs& someone thought I wasn't taking care of her. They came & did a home study. But when they got there, they found everything to be false& dismissed the case.  My best advice is to not sweat it. Just keep doing what you are doing. make sure your house is spotless though. They tear apart everything...Good Luck!

wodntulk2kno1
by on May. 19, 2013 at 1:40 PM
There's always someone who thinks they are doing the right thing when it comes to the welfare of a child. Even though it does not sound like you really did anything wrong IMO to someone else you did.
Just be careful of your wording when talking to cps.


Quoting newmom10142011:

 the thing is if i hit her hard she would still have been crying when i set her on the ground she stopped within 2 seconds of her feet touching the ground. it was pretty obvious that she was fine. as for everything else there is always food the house is mostly clean and that is only because we have had to do some rearranging since we found out we are having another baby and we had to get a new mattress so the old one is still on the landint leaning against the railing that is about the messiest the house is and i have a few dishes in the sink from yesterday and thursday that i couldnt fit in the dishwasher. i am just mad that she butt into something that was none of her business and said that i did stuff i obviously didnt do.




Quoting wodntulk2kno1:

Well yes, of course cps is going to get involved. Anytime someone makes a report they have to look into it. First of all You have to think about what this person saw and didn't hear. She sees you with both hands on her face not knowing how hard your gripping her. Then as you call it you pop her in the butt. Change those words when you talk to cps. Is that what you told the police also? Just curious because the cop is the one who is reporting you. Spanking your child in public is an open invitation to be investigated.
Make sure your house is clean, your child is clean, she is dressed appropriate, you have food in your house, etc



 


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newmom10142011
by on May. 19, 2013 at 2:49 PM

 Thanks i appreciate the advice.


Quoting RCHC:

Man, that blows. I dealt with DCF because my DD has special needs& someone thought I wasn't taking care of her. They came & did a home study. But when they got there, they found everything to be false& dismissed the case.  My best advice is to not sweat it. Just keep doing what you are doing. make sure your house is spotless though. They tear apart everything...Good Luck!


 

chicklopez
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 4:49 AM

 Sort of a late post, but something similar happened to me. My middle child likes to run. We always keep him within arms reach. We were walking (on a sidewalk) back home, my 2yo ran ahead a few steps, and came running back. He tripped. A car went whizzing by in the street. A woman staring out her window started screaming that we were going to get my child killed. She claimed we let him run in the street and he was seconds from getting hit. She screamed at us for a good 5 minutes, threatening to call CPS, that we need to have our child on a leash, that we are terrible parents because we're white, White people shouldnt have kids.... it went on and on until we had to walk past her door to get to our apartment.

She then walked up to me, and in a calm manner told me I needed to be a better mom, along with other things. I told her to leave me alone, and to call cps.

Anyone who feels the need to threaten with CPS doesnt understand how CPS works. They are there to make sure everythings ok. They arent in the business of stealing kids, though lots of people see them as such.

I get that it's a major stresser when anyone threatens it, not because you're afraid of loosing your kids, but because, How dare that person?

But all in all, you cant be sure how something looks through someone else's eyes. Im guessing CPS didnt show up, but the cops did the right thing. They are mandated reporters, if someone says they saw something like that, it's 10 times better for them to report it then to ignore it.

And in my case, CPS didnt show up either, it was just someone who needed some attention that day. (And now I strongly consider buying a harness for my 2yo, so thanks crazy lady)

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