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20 Something Moms 20 Something Moms

Family isn't always everything

Posted by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:18 PM
  • 8 Replies

I'm 20 years old right now. I've always had an on and off relationship with my mom. She has a lot of problems and she's never been a real mom in my eyes. She's physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abused all of her kids. Whenever me, my brother or my sisters stand up to her or dissagree with her or just do something she doesn't like, she'll stop talking to us, spread rumors about us, talk down to us, talk down about us behind our backs, the list can go on and on. 

Since the day my son was born, my mom has been telling me how I do everything wrong with my son. She never gave me suggestions, she always told me what to do differently. Even when I had severe postpartum depression, she always told me how I was doing things wrong. My son had a milk allergy and was allergic to 3 different types of food. Once he turned 1 I got the ok from his doctor to give him "adult food". His doctor was really suprised that he was still souly on baby food. I posted a picture on Facebook a few months ago of him eating a quesadilla. He loved it. Instead of saying how cute he looked, she said "he shouldn't be eating that much cheese. Where's his baby food?" I finally stood up for myself and told her to stop putting me down as a parent. She didn't like it, blocked me from Facebook and stopped talking to me.

My dad and her are getting along right now so he makes excuses for everything she does. I mentioned to him how she didn't call or give me a card for mother's day even though I gave her a card, though I was very uncomforatable doing it. He just ignored me. Whenever I vent about my mom to him, about how she did something to hurt me, he just ignores me. He knows how badly she's affected me. He knows how badly she treats me. When they argue and if my mom starts saying shit about me, he won't say anything to her. I just don't understand it. If ANYONE ever talked down about my son, no matter what it was, I would tell them to get out of my life until they decide to stop talking about my son like that. Especially if it was his parent. My dad said he doesn't want to pick sides, but that's bull shit when it comes to your child. I've told him all of this so many times and he ignores it. I'm just so emotionally tired. I currently live with him so I can't really do anything about it. I'm going to move in with my boyfriend in about 2-4 months and I'm so ready to just get out of here. I know my dad loves and cares about me but I feel like it's to an extent. I'm just tired of my dad doing this. I'm tired of him getting pissed at me for being mad about my mom but he never gets mad at her. Idk what to do anymore. I see it as a completely lost cause. I've known for years that my mom is a lost cause and I'll never have a real mother in my life, but my dad is the one that I saw as the "loving" parent. I've told him if he doesn't stand up to her that our relationship is going to end. Once I said that and saw that nothing changed, I just want to give up. 

Sorry this was so long. I just had to vent. 

by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:18 PM
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Replies (1-8):
awyngard
by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Family is family so unfortunately you will always be connected with them. But build and surround yourself with people that love and support you. Put yourself in a good situation. You're doing the right thing for your child and that's all that matters. You know what kind of mother you don't want to be. Keep your head up and be strong! You and your child will only grow a stronger relationship if you're happy!

MomRocs1102
by on May. 20, 2013 at 11:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Some family need to be kept at a distance.
themrsrick
by on May. 21, 2013 at 6:56 AM
Did I write this??? Seriously, this is my life right now! You described my mom to a tee, my parent's relationship, and how my dad responds. Beyond that, I am a single mom of a wonderful little baby girl. I am currently living with my parents, and dream of the day I can leave. I am sorry that there is someone else going through what I am facing, yet I cannot help but feel relief that there is another sane person surviving an insane world. If you have any tips for surviving, I am all ears! :)
29parentof2
by on May. 21, 2013 at 7:43 AM
Our parents are very similar. My mom wears the pants in the relationship and my dad let's her act however. My mother is my babysitter because I can't afford daycare and I'm a single parent doing it alone. She has not helped with any choices I made with my son and it gets under my skin. I feel I don't have much of an option since I can't afford daycare. It's very hard just keep your head up.
geekymom08
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2013 at 9:00 AM

Hey... no worries! My parents are the same way. I sit down at times and wonder why my parents arent like my friends parents. I get so jealous when I see how close most of my friends are with their moms. I want that.... but I know I will not get it. I dont even talk to my mom about things going on in my life. I actually hold it in and try to deal with it alone. Its very hard sometimes... but I refuse to let her in with the way she is.

TempestRayne
by Donna on May. 21, 2013 at 1:59 PM
Quoting MomRocs1102:

Some family need to be kept at a distance.

MomofKJI
by on May. 21, 2013 at 3:53 PM

I agree. There is family that is close and there are reasons to keep family away. 


Quoting MomRocs1102:

Some family need to be kept at a distance.


 

MamaPeanut
by Kristy on May. 21, 2013 at 5:12 PM
I've always felt strongly that you CAN choose who to have in your life or not, regardless of any shared DNA.

Dh and I choose who to have in our lives based upon how they treat us.

We are very happy and live mainly drama free.
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