How to deal with loss of parent specifically father when you're a mother of a young child??
my father passed away after femural bypass (2nd leg) bc of acquired ifnections including acute respiratory distress syndrome which caused kidney failure and respiratory failure. I was the medical power of attorney and had to decide to tell the dr's to turn the vents off bc he was getting worse and they told me he was dying and wasn't going to make it but I could "keep him alive" for as long as I wanted but he had no fucntions on his own (ie breathing excreting waste etc without life support).At least this way he died with the people he lvoed the msot holding his hand: his kids and their spouses/partners my brother and i, his wife and my common law (also daughter's father).
My parents divorced after 32 years 2 kids and grandkids in march 2010 due to my mom's infidelity and my mom choosing another man over my dad. that guy still lives with her and seeing him alive at my dad's house is so much worse esp. sinc emy dad went downnhill emotionally then physically after my mom left him.and sleepless nights from pain toward the end)
I grew very close to my dad after the divorce; my daughter and I spent a lot of time at his apartment and time in general. i watched him go from a sad man wanting to overcome his divorce grief to a man who was very physically ill and alone due to vascular disease. (He lived with acute and chronic pain and leg ulcers that were gangrenous and had sleepless nights due to intense pain and nerve pain).
I encouraged him to get bypass to help his other leg now that was affected by the vascular disease and had leg sores etc and caused horrifying pain that even morphine couldnt contro and improve his quality of lfie bc I didn't want to see him suffer. i ahd no idea it would ultimately lead to his death.
Anyways he passed on monday, May 27, Memorial Day almost minutes after being disconnected from life support .He was only 61 years old.
this father's day was the hardest ever.. I cryed all day from morning to twilight. i bought a tree and plan on planting it somewhere special when it gets bigger.
I lately have been noticing women my age roughly (I'm 29) going kids'/family places with their parents or who i assume to be their parents and their child(ren) get all these hugs from their grandpa and I feel so sad for my daughter who lost her only grandpa (she's almsot 5 so she's aware and will remember him) and I feel jealous that they have their parental support. What can be more comforting when your kid is acting up than your own parents who are supportive and distracting?
I feel like saying to those women who seem so casual and used to their parents' help 'you're so lucky". i know it could be their stepdad or something but some it is their fathers. I feel jealous of them bc their parents are/stayed together and bc their dad is alive.The worst part is, i HAD that. My daughter was 22 months when my parents divorced, and we went plenty of places all 5 of us and I had that good feeling of my parents being "on my side" with my tantruming kid and know how good it feels. the worst part is, worse than never having it, is that was taken away from me. First my foundation and family life as I knew it ahd crumbled when my parents divorced and for the worst reason on my mom's part, and subsequently the death of my fatehr.
my question is: can anyone relate? Your story doesn't have to be soo much like mine but have you lost your father or mother when you were still young and raising young kids and how did you cope? Did you feel jealous of people who had the parent you lost?