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20 Something Moms 20 Something Moms

Advice needed please

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:16 AM
  • 13 Replies

I am a young, new mom. My boyfriend is 5 years older than me and has kids before ours. We've been together for over a year now and I still haven't met the kids, yet his family. He moved to where I'm from when he found out I was pregnant. I would really like to  know more about his kids, and familly but I don't know how to go about it. Like I said, I'm 20, young, and don't know how to go about these things yet. I feel since we are more serious now that I have a right to know these things. I would like advice as to go about talking to him about all of this. Thanks for reading and I hope I can get some feedback.

by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ACE92
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:17 AM

Lol I just turned 21 a week ago.. my bad

QuirkyMom26
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:17 AM

Maybe he's still with the mother o_O

ACE92
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:23 AM

I'm sure he isn't, he lets me know when he's going to send the kids money. Plus, she used to write to me all kinds of nasty things. I know they aren't together, but I also just wonder if they message eachother and if he still has feelings for her. I ask about it but can never get a straight answer. It's killing me. We're happy but I always just over think and wonder too much.

k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not really sure what to tell you other than to keep trying to talk to him about it. As much as you would love to meet his family, you can't force him to have you guys meet. And to me that is kind of a red flag that he doesn't want you to meet them... like maybe he still has feelings for her or is leadind a double life or something.

I might watch too much lifetime though haha.

amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:12 PM

Welcome!

Hav eyou just asked him about his family?  Mentioned that you'd like to meet his kids and allow them to get to know the new baby?  I don't think that that is too much to ask.

ame1987
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you should demand to meet his children. It's been over a year and you're having his baby, which means you need meet your child's siblings. Something doesn't seem right that you haven't met them yet. Sit down and tell him how you feel, and that it's time.

Mariah-1987
by Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Um it sounds like he is hiding something. How long did you know him before you got pregnant? I'm not bashing or anything I'm just saying he seems to be acting pretty shady. Its kind of odd he'd move away ya know.
smarie86
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree that it sounds a bit odd, however, it isn't really "a right" of yours to meet them. Yes if you are creating a family together  you want to create a sense of unity among everyone by them meeting you. If their mother is not ok with them knowing you that may be why he hasn't done the introduction. I wouldn't bring it up to him in an accusing or defensive way. Be calm and loving. Approach it in a way of trying to unite the families. You want the siblings to know one another. You want his children to be able to come to your home for visits and feel comfortable with you. As difficult as it may be, consider his children's mother side of the situation as well. Think of your child and another woman being in the picture, its not an easy thing to deal with. The thought of another woman playing mommy with your kids is like a dagger in your heart. If he does still care for her, even in the sense of she is the mother of his kids (a bond that can not be duplicated) he may just be considering her feelings in the situation. Like i said just try to approach the topic in a calm manner. If you start demanding things and accusing him no conversation will take place and you will get no where on the topic. Good luck!

igotheart
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Has your kid met his/her siblings? That's very strange...
raye-chan
by Raye on Jun. 30, 2013 at 8:51 AM
It sounds very strange honestly that he doesn't want you to meet his other kids. That would raise a red flag with me if i were in your shoes.

Has he ever said why he doesn't want you to meet his family? That's a little strange if you two have together for a year.

I would sit him down and have a heart to heart honestly. Ask him why can't his other children meet their sibling.
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