I know I need to add a post as a new member of the group, and usually this would be an easy task for me.
Usually I feel that my life is great. Something always needs to be worked on, but I feel hopeful. And then about once every 2 months depression strikes and I negatively impact everything in my life. My fiance knows how to deal with it, and makes me feel ok about having a meltdown, but nobody wants that forever.
I feel the most guilty I ever have. As an employee (missed 4th of July- majoe retail day), as a mother, and as a partner. My job is usually pretty lax, but I have to miss so much work because of my twins that I don't need to add in depression striken days.
Hopefully I can continue to try to do my best, and that determination will give me one more chance to make everything right again. Maybe I should seek some type of help, I'm not sure. But all I feel is paranoia in my veins. It wouldn't have been so bad if I just would've went into work. I'm tired of living like this, I shoot myself in the foot. Maybe I should seek help.
When I'm doing good, I'm great. And when I get into these low period I don't think I give my children as much attention as they deserve. I sit with them, but almost like a zombie. Just lost and swimming in my own head.