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This is me, at the moment.

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:26 PM
  • 7 Replies
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I know I need to add a post as a new member of the group, and usually this would be an easy task for me.

Usually I feel that my life is great. Something always needs to be worked on, but I feel hopeful. And then about once every 2 months depression strikes and I negatively impact everything in my life. My fiance knows how to deal with it, and makes me feel ok about having a meltdown, but nobody wants that forever.

I feel the most guilty I ever have. As an employee (missed 4th of July- majoe retail day), as a mother, and as a partner. My job is usually pretty lax, but I have to miss so much work because of my twins that I don't need to add in depression striken days.

Hopefully I can continue to try to do my best, and that determination will give me one more chance to make everything right again. Maybe I should seek some type of help, I'm not sure. But all I feel is paranoia in my veins. It wouldn't have been so bad if I just would've went into work. I'm tired of living like this, I shoot myself in the foot. Maybe I should seek help.

When I'm doing good, I'm great. And when I get into these low period I don't think I give my children as much attention as they deserve. I sit with them, but almost like a zombie. Just lost and swimming in my own head.

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:26 PM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:12 PM
Go get help.
by Mandy on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Oh sweetie. It sounds like you really do need some help. I am sorry you get like that. But please find someone to help you during these times. 

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:42 PM

I do have a good support system, but I have insurance so I should just go ahead and start seeing someone. I wonder what it could help, but maybe they'll help for me to catch the warning signs.

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:45 PM
I would definitely seek help. Depression is really rough and without the proper attention, it will get worse. Its ok to get help. I hope you feel better soon. It truly is no way to live.
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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Fresh air. sunshine, daily exercise, no excitotoxins and therapy. This too shall pass. <3

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:17 PM

I agree, get some help before it gets worse!  Hope you start feeling better soon girl!

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by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:58 AM

I guess these posts have been a wake up call. I knew this was a little atypical, but I didn't realize how much so. I've been hesistant to go to the doctor because I don't want to be put on medicine, but 5PointedHuman told me what I should've already known. A little sunshine and excersize goes a long way, as well as therapy.

As far as an update, I really lucked out.

I'm not in trouble at work, but I did miss some MAJOR sales volume and money, and that has been a lesson to me.

I'm moving September 1st because of a promotion and I've been a little hesistant to start treatment anywhere because it almost seems pointless to begin seeing a specific person when I'm moving an hour away. I almost feel as if I'm stuck in limbo. Everything is evening out, but I'm fighting to keep myself out of a depressive mood at times. I should be able to be happy without it relying on everything being perfect, or at least optimal, around me.

I've made a calender of all the things I need to accomplish before the big move; that has been weighing on me pretty heavily. I have so many things to do and I didn't know where to begin, but I feel like the calendar is a help to me.

Thanks for all the advice. I truly do appreciate it.

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