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Deciding on doing this alone...

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 11:13 PM
  • 14 Replies

 Hello Everyone, 

I'm new to the site but really excited to be sharing with other preg moms and receiving support because at this moment i feel SO alone. About a month ago the father of my child began acting different in the relationship on 1 or 2 occasions he stooped coming home and recently found out he was texting other girls. The times he did not come back he would tell me that he was spending time with his family (this is partially true but not entirely because I don't believe the entire time he was with his family). Anyways, I feel really vulnerable and I don't know what to think or do and I'm trying to decide of the best thing is to do it alone. He told me he wants to change and work out our relationship but yesterday when we were at our doc's app to find out the gender (smh!!) his phone kept going off and it turns out he was talking to one of his old female friends from high school. In the conversation he told her he wanted to leave, she asked him if he was talking about the relationship, he said yes and that the only reason why he was staying was because of the baby, then she asked him if he was happy and he said sometimes. 

I told him I wasn't going to trick myself into pretending the relationship was working and that I didnt want to keep going through the same thing and he insisted he wanted to work it out and that he wanted to get back to the way we used to. 

I just don't want to continue to stress over this situation and I really am exhausted. I dont think he's the same person an i dont understand why he can't be honest and just tell me for once and for all. He mentioned he didnt want to live with the fact that he left his baby, but i don't want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. 

Any Suggestions? (sorry it is so long, I really needed to vent)

by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 11:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama2b100808
by Mandy on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:01 AM

 I think you need to kick him to the curb. He should have told you before getting you pregnant if he was happy or not. Him texting others it doesn't help the baby because it is stressing you out.

The only way for him to work it out is for you to put your foot down about other females. No more texting or talking to them if there is he is out the door. Baby daddy or not that is what I would do.

k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Totally agree with this.

Quoting mama2b100808:

 I think you need to kick him to the curb. He should have told you before getting you pregnant if he was happy or not. Him texting others it doesn't help the baby because it is stressing you out.


The only way for him to work it out is for you to put your foot down about other females. No more texting or talking to them if there is he is out the door. Baby daddy or not that is what I would do.

santana.r
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM

Thank you so much! 

mama2b100808
by Mandy on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:42 PM

Your welcome. :) 

Quoting santana.r:

Thank you so much! 


LunaNegra2007
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:18 PM

Well it seems that you already know what you SHOULD do. Now that is completely different from what apparently you WANT to do.

You know he is only with you because he is a good person deep inside and feels remorse of leaving his child behind.

This is where an ADULT needs to step in. You already know the facts, so confront them head on like an adult.

Let him know you know he is not happy and that (even though it hurts) he should walk and go. HOWEVER, this does not mean he stops being the father. You should make that clear. That you do want him to be involved in the child's life.


There is no point in getting nasty because someone simply does not like us anymore.

It happens. You're not the 1st and surely, not the last.


CharmCityMommy
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 3:01 PM
2 moms liked this
Forget about him. Having a child does not make a relationship better. The honeymoon phase of your relationship is over. Even in marriage it is the same way. Before you are married you have the best times afterwards people stop sucking in their guts. They let it all hang out. Same with having a baby. Dont buy into his staying bc of the baby bs. He may be doing it to save face so that he can get a sympathetic ear from whoever else's panties he is trying to get into. He doesnt want to look like the jerk that he is. Turn him loose! Better to walk away with your health and sanity than stay put with heartache and unnecessary stress that you and you child can feel. Get yourself a tight support network and start NOW. You will be glad that you did. set up childcare now and work a plan to make more money. You can never have enough with children. Try to do things that get you out of the house and active if you arent already to get your mind off of him. Read a self help book or two go to church or pray for the strength to stick with your decision and to clear your mind of all the negativity and heal your heart. You have everything you need. You just have to realize it.
lesalmi
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

My dd's father has never been in the picture. We split just before I was pregnant and he ran the other way when I told him. Not pursuing him to be in her life was the best decision I ever made. I also grew up not knowing my birth father, my step dad adopted me when I was in second grade. I didnt meet my real father until I was 20. If you dont think he is going to be there, dont make him be. He will resent you and your child for it. That is no way for you to live, and no model of a relationship for your child. Better to have a consistent mom, than a in and out dad. I didnt even put dd's father on her birth certificate. He has no rights to her, and i dont have to ask his permission to make big decisions./\

 

There is something better out there for you!! You will find someone who loves you and your child. My SO and I have been together since I was 4 months pregnant with dd, who is 5 now, and are now having a baby of our own.

 

The thought of being a single mom is intimidating, but its doable and you never have to see the "dad let you down dissappointment look"

santana.r
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:56 PM

Thank You all so much for the comments! I really appreciate it. 

mangie22
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:35 PM
I think you should kick him to the curb!
VictoriousTory
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Personally I think you guys need to communicate better about this.... talk about REAL feelings and what the future holds for you two... and if he doesn't want to be with you, then figure out how to move on from there.... I am not excusing his behavior but maybe he and that chick have talked for a long ass time... and he trusts her and is venting to her about this.... guys dont talk about this shit.... I know I have some friends I have been friends with for 10-15 years and we still talk about stuff like relationships and kids... and it has nothing to do with sex or feelings or anything... just find out the truth before getting too emotional about it....

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