My name is Sandra, i joined this site because I felt I needed a different kind of support. On Jan 16th, I found out I was pregnant with my 1st child and my fiances 4th. This was definately a shock, my fiance was out of work and not long after I lost my job. I was very nervous about the pregnancy and how we would take care of the baby. As time passed, I however became excited about being a mother. In April, we went to the doctor and found we were having a girl. My parents were excited because she would be their first (and only) granddaughter, the kids werent so happy, they wanted another brother as there were already 2 girls, but they grew to love her. Every month I would go to the doctor, always nervous what if they were not able to find her heartbeat or something happened, but each month I was able to hear her strong heartbeat and could breathe a sigh of relief, our baby was doing well and growing so fast. My may appointment was no different, I had the same fear, but I got to hear her heartbeat again. I made my next appointment which would include the test for diabetes. My mother in law and I went to the doctor, I drank the nasty stuff and was waiting for the hour to pass so they could draw my blood, during this time, the doctor wanted to check for Logan's heartbeat.... This time my fear came true, he was unable to find her heartbeat, so I was immediately sent for an ultrasound, for which I had to wait an hour because the woman had gone to lunch. She came back and did the ultrasound, I could see red and blue on the screen, I asked what that was, she told me it was blood flowing, I asked if this was a good thing, thinking it was our daughters, she would not answer, thinking she did not hear me I asked again, she finally answered, while she was crying, that she did not think so. The baby was not moving, and her back was too me. So after this terrible news, I met with the doctor again for him to confirm that she is stillborn, I was almost 7 months pregnant at this point, the doctor said they would have to induce me to get the baby out, that she probably had been passed away since right after my may appointment. So we left the doctor, I made phone calls to tell my family the bad news, went through crying and angry spells, blamed myself for the passing of our baby. Then I went to my fiances work to tell him the bad news, he was so shocked that I had to repeat myself because he thought he misunderstood. He told me to call the doctor and have them get a room ready at the local hospital to begin inducing labor. The doctor had said it might take a couple days since I was so early that they would have to trick my body into going into labor. However, I had her the next day, June 12th, she weighed 12 ounces, 9.5 inches long. My fiance had just walked out of the room to make a phone call when I had her, he regrets not being there. We had her cremated and had a service for her on fathers day. This is without a doubt the hardest, I have ever been through or will ever go through, it makes me nervous about getting pregnant again, for fear this will happen again. We have gotten some of the results back from some of the tests and everything is negative, so far it looks like this was just an accident, there were no disorders or any blood diseases that have caused this, I may never know what caused this to happen, I have been working so hard not to blame myself for losing her. I know one thing, I pray that noone ever has to experience this especially those I love and am really close too. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to talk about it a little and as bad as this sounds I feel like I cant really talk to my family about my feelings. Thank you to anyone who reads this for taking the time. Hope I have helped anyone that may need it.