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Need advice. At a road block.

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:53 PM
  • 1 Replies

My name is Kaycee and I am the mother of a 3 year old boy. 

I just recently started dating this wonderful guy a little over 2 months ago. Things are going great! Couldn't be more in love with him. Anyway...he has an 8 year old daughter. Her and my son get a long great! Already acting like siblings :) the only issue that we're having is with his daughter. She's having a hard time with sharing her dad's affection with me. She's wanting more attention then she has ever wanted from him before. I talked to him about it and asked if he was spending less time with her and he said no. Everything's the same except now I'm in the picture. So instead of him just sitting on the couch watching a movie and her in her room doing her thing, I'm out there on the couch too and she feels left out. We include her in everything and try to make sure she doesn't feel left out. But she's super clingy, more so than she ever has been before. She cries about everything. Things she's never cried about before. She'll ask for a juice box and he'll tell her no and she just has this break down. Or she'll want to play with him and he's just not in the mood or exhausted from working all day and he'll tell her not right now and she runs to her room bawling. I don't know what to do. I feel like this is all my fault. That the loving, awesome relationship they had before is crumbling and I'm the reason for it. His daughter says she just wants to spend time with him. That's basically what it comes down to. He'll talk with her and when it gets down to it, she just wants to spend more time with him. He tells her that he isn't spending less time, she's just wanting more. And she realizes she's being ridiculous sometimes and over exaggerating things. She just doesn't know how to cope with it. 

I guess I should also mention that my boyfriend has been divorced for 6 years. And that I'm his first serious relationship since. His ex-wife is barely in the picture which is part of the issue too. His daughter misses her mom. But mom doesn't seem to care a whole lot. See's her maybe once a month. She's also engaged to some other guy and has 2 kids with him. I think its hard for her to see me with my son. He always has his mom. But he also doesn't have his dad. She doesn't understand that though. 

I guess I'm asking for advice on how to deal with this. More so not on my part. More so on my boyfriends part. He can't take the crying and clingyness anymore and he's starting to stress out about it. He's at a loss on how to deal with it. I need help!!

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:53 PM
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tiredme
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:31 PM

As a person who went through this as a kid I can tell you that it will get better with time.  You both just have to continue to be patient and maybe have him set up a special daddy/daughter date once a week or so.  This is a big change for her and happened pretty quickly.  Also make sure your boyfriend talks to her and explains that you are not EVER going to take her place, you are another person to love both of them.  It will take time but you will all adjust.  Good luck!

Edit:  It would also be a good idea for you to set aside some time for just you and her so you two can get to know each other better (just ease into this and don't force it.  Maybe ask if she would like to run to the store just the two of you or go get icecream just the two of you, if she says no don't take it personal just keep trying).

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