I decided to take my little girl to the zoo today; she wasn't feeling well earlier but perked up as the day went on. It's the San Francisco zoo and I basically grew up going to it since my mom had membership and we lived there as kids. Anyways for those who haven't seen my trillion other posts, I am still deeply mourning the loss of my father whom died in the hospital after infections acquired after bypass surgery. Everywhere I go, i see men his age who are living, breathing and HEALTHY and I just can't help but think "why my dad?" He was only 61 yrs old and hadn't even retired yet. I see women my age roughly with BOTH their parents, (mine divorced in 2010), together with them, HELPING them with their young child (ren) and my heart hurts so much bc i don't have that (my mom is not that helpful or nurturing my dad was the nurturing parent and he's gone now). I feel so sad seeing everybody with their dads and little girls with their grandpas when that should be my dd and my dad. He just passed away almost 2 mons ago (the 27th will be the 2-month mark since his death) so i know these feelings are fresh and will come and go like tidal waves, but i just don't know how to keep on going like this.
I am in therapy but only go 2x a montha nd it's not enough for me. I feel like I need everyday therapy for these feelings! I joined a gym to release some pent-up energy and am gonna go back to my school aide job in the fall (unless i find something better) but for now I am very depressed all summer long and try my best to hide it but inside I'm crying and my heart is so sore. I just want my daddy.Any other moms have simialr experiences? Any words of wisdom or insight?