A year after my son was born his father started changing and becoming physically abusive. cps was called in. after a year of battling in court it came down to my.psychological evaluation. It said due to physical and emotional trama i was unfit to be a mother. i didnt agree with everything it said. i moved into a place of my own and could barely keep the lights on. well i spoke to my attorney and dhs and explained to them that i couldnt afford anywhere else to live and that i could barely afford to take care of myself let alone my son. At mediation i hinted around about him being abusive but come to find out i had to actually say it. i explained that i had asked the two previous caseworkers for assistance and did what they asked but was told there was no money for assistance. i spoke to my parents who had temporary custody if they could help me since i knew i was in a place where i could not financially take care of him. they agreed to take us both in but dhs would not allow it. the best option i had was to sign over custody to them. i dont regret it. what i regret is not speaking up about the abuse. i know now if i had been able to say it dhs would have made an exception.
What i dont understand is why im called a bad mother when i knew his sperm donor would hunt us down and possibly hurt him? Why i did the best thing i could to protect him? Im not a bad mother. i chose the wrong person and therefore had the hardest decision i have ever had to make. i could have been selfish and not protected my son but that to me is not what a mom does.
Today has been two years since ive made the hardest decision ive ever had to make. im a little sad today because of it. i get him every other weekend pay child support and talk to him every day on the phone. im 36 weeks pregnant and thank god he put my husband in my path to. help me not beat myself up for doing the best thing for my son i could.
you can say im a bad mom for protecting my son but i know tge truth. i know in another six months i can file to get joint custody. And i have spoken to my.parents hubby and son and they all want for him to be able to legally be with me more. my parents live an hour away but i get him on holidays and almost every weekend even though its every other holiday and every other weekend.
Please dont bash. today is a really difficult day.
on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:34 AM