Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

20 Something Moms 20 Something Moms

im not a bad mom

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:34 AM
  • 7 Replies
1 mom liked this
A year after my son was born his father started changing and becoming physically abusive. cps was called in. after a year of battling in court it came down to my.psychological evaluation. It said due to physical and emotional trama i was unfit to be a mother. i didnt agree with everything it said. i moved into a place of my own and could barely keep the lights on. well i spoke to my attorney and dhs and explained to them that i couldnt afford anywhere else to live and that i could barely afford to take care of myself let alone my son. At mediation i hinted around about him being abusive but come to find out i had to actually say it. i explained that i had asked the two previous caseworkers for assistance and did what they asked but was told there was no money for assistance. i spoke to my parents who had temporary custody if they could help me since i knew i was in a place where i could not financially take care of him. they agreed to take us both in but dhs would not allow it. the best option i had was to sign over custody to them. i dont regret it. what i regret is not speaking up about the abuse. i know now if i had been able to say it dhs would have made an exception.
What i dont understand is why im called a bad mother when i knew his sperm donor would hunt us down and possibly hurt him? Why i did the best thing i could to protect him? Im not a bad mother. i chose the wrong person and therefore had the hardest decision i have ever had to make. i could have been selfish and not protected my son but that to me is not what a mom does.
Today has been two years since ive made the hardest decision ive ever had to make. im a little sad today because of it. i get him every other weekend pay child support and talk to him every day on the phone. im 36 weeks pregnant and thank god he put my husband in my path to. help me not beat myself up for doing the best thing for my son i could.
you can say im a bad mom for protecting my son but i know tge truth. i know in another six months i can file to get joint custody. And i have spoken to my.parents hubby and son and they all want for him to be able to legally be with me more. my parents live an hour away but i get him on holidays and almost every weekend even though its every other holiday and every other weekend.
Please dont bash. today is a really difficult day.
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:34 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:48 AM

You don't sound like a bad Mommy to me. Sounds like you did what was best for your son in a bad situation. I hope you win joint custody,good luck!

ashesleigh
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Thanks. ive heard things like no matter what circumstance no mom would sihn over rights etc. but until you wake up in the hospital after three days all because you said no, you will never truly know what i went through. i woke up and found out he was in dhs custody.
Sydn3y2013
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:29 PM
I don't think your a bad mom. I think you made a decision that was best for your son and you should be thankful your parents are good enough people to work with you and let you get him every weekend and holiday. I think your a very strong women. Stay strong lady :)
MamaStro89
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:38 PM

 i think you sound like the best mom you coulda been given your circumstances, being a mom means making difficult and selfless decision for the protection and care of your child, it's basic mother instinct, even a cat has it for crying out loud so anyone that has ever called you a bad mother can get the middle finger because they prolly didnt have the events happen to them that happened to you. so they really have no place to say anything less than you did you had to. anyone can say "if that was me in that situtations i woulda done this and that" blah blah blah. no one knows how they would react untill it happens to them. so screw them and keep your head up because you did the right thing and you're moving in the right direction.

momtodab
by Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:44 PM

You sound like you did what you had to do! If all that is behind you can they sign him back over to you since you are more stable now and can support him? Or can it only be joint custody? Good for you for putting him first a lot of moms wouldnt have done it! And good luck to you!!! Congrats to the new baby to! 

LuvMyZBoy
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 4:26 PM

You've been through a lot. I agree with the other moms here - you are a courageous woman who made a life changing sacrifice for your son. As you grieve today, may you also be able to see the hope and beauty that is ahead. God has restored so many things in my life. May this new baby and new year be a time of redemption for you and your family.

depressedmom21
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 6:38 PM
ive been there and had to do what was right for my son as well. right now im having to fight to get my daughter back from her abusive father. but everyone is siding with him even though im in a more stable place.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)