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Need Some Outside Perspective

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 3:46 PM
  • 14 Replies

My husband and I have 3 wonderful boys, 6, 4 (will be 5 in December) & 2. We have had two miss carriages, one between my 4 and 6 year old DSs and one just recently this year, on the 18th of July. We decided we were going to stop at 4, and then...we miss carried. I've brought up the subject of possibly still trying for a forth and my DH just kinda shrugs it off... So I brought it up again today and made him fess up what's bothering him and he finally told me that I am the one that decides when we have kids and I am the one that decides on their names and I am the one that says when I am ready to have another baby, and he feels like it's all just one sided except for the baby making part LOL *sigh* I apologized to him for being so controlling and the naming thing worked out, when we were thinking of names he put it all on me and now he's upset that I picked out 10-15 names and gave him the list and said pick one! And he picked one! He told me today that he wants to wait longer, if he even decides that he wants to have anymore... Witch he has told me in the past that he's good with the 3 we have... Anyways, I'm done rambling, I just would like an outside perspective... If you have any questions, just ask.

by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TempestRayne
by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Just be patient.

k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 5:20 PM

Agree, you both should be for wanting another one 100%. I'm sure he will come around.

Quoting TempestRayne:

Just be patient.


devilbabie
by Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 7:32 PM

Thank you both! I agree, I do need to be patient, my DH has said before that he wants to be able to give all our kids things they want growing up, Sports, programs and things, give them things that well I didn't have growing up and he feels if we have more than 3, 4 at the time then that would be harder. So I think money is a big part of that, but I just have that feeling that we are meant to have more, a feeling that apparently I only have.

Quoting k9l1c5:

Agree, you both should be for wanting another one 100%. I'm sure he will come around.

Quoting TempestRayne:

Just be patient.



ProudMommy51006
by on Aug. 25, 2013 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this
I think he is thinking rationally, give it time. At lady he's not closed off to the idea of one more :)
AnnieChristian
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 4:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you should wait until you're both on the same page and are both ready for a fourth :)

The miscarriages may have been hard on him emotionally and men have a difficult time voicing those things - he could want to wait because he's not ready to face those challenges again. I'm sure the "you decide everything with the baby" bothers him some but with men, when they bring up little issues like that, there is usually something bigger behind it.
Msivrath
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I think he just wants more say, I know we as mums feel we have more say, I am sure he would want another baby and is just saying that to show u he also has a say. I think by u apologising that was super great well done.

Maybe ask him when he is ready for nr 4, will that be ok. Its not like u have to have nr 4 right now, you are a pair and can work this out :)

MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this
This! :)

Quoting k9l1c5:

Agree, you both should be for wanting another one 100%. I'm sure he will come around.

Quoting TempestRayne:

Just be patient.


mamav2215
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

if he doesn't want another one, don't have another one. 

devilbabie
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:58 AM
I wish it was just that simple.. I don't want to get pregnant tomorrow, but I still feel like I'm meant to have more... I don't know. I can't explain it, but I have resigned myself to waiting, at least till the timing is better..

Quoting mamav2215:

if he doesn't want another one, don't have another one. 

mamav2215
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this


i realize this comes down to a one of you will have to compromise thing. but don't you think it's worse to have a baby you don't want? and the possibility of resentment towards that child? I'm not saying he would do that; but you really never know until it happens. You said yourself he's expressed in the past that he's fine with the 3 you have, so I wouldn't personally be so confused or frustated that he doesn't want one now.

but as long as you're okay with waiting i guess that's what you can do; just don't be shocked if he really doesn't change his mind. good luck!

Quoting devilbabie:

I wish it was just that simple.. I don't want to get pregnant tomorrow, but I still feel like I'm meant to have more... I don't know. I can't explain it, but I have resigned myself to waiting, at least till the timing is better..

Quoting mamav2215:

if he doesn't want another one, don't have another one. 



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