In need of Tips for Making it work with the Hubby
First let me start by saying I am not looking for your criticism, I do not want to hear my husband is a jerk (________ or whatever your mean name of choice is), because (1) he's not and (2) that don't help!
I'll admit I'm crazy. I have my own list of issues. My mother was very emotionally, psychologically, and occasionally physically abusive during my childhood. I watched her ruin my stepfather as a man. He was the sole provider in our home besides the child support my mother received, but he wasn't allowed to have any money. My mother had control over the checking account and he was only allowed to use the debit card when he needed gas. He had a drinking problem that over the years spread to prescription drugs and after their divorce street drugs. I watched her break him as a man. She always yelled about money, he never did anything right. The more she yelled and brought him down the more he used. I can honestly say today he is a broken man. He has no backbone, he went from being a Foreman for the carpenters union to working at a donut shop. Needless to say I am trying to break the cycle.
I'm working on me, but my husband is a slob sometimes! We have a 10 month old and 2 and a 1/2 year old I spend all day keeping up with and then work nights as a 911 Dispatcher. All week long I try to keep up with the house keeping so that we can enjoy our one day off together as a family. However, no matter how much sleep I sacrifice to clean, Saturday he destroys it. He can't multitask and keep up with the babies without it looking like a tornado hit my house. I mean food everywhere! Dishes everywhere!
So Sunday gets here and my house is a disaster and my anxiety hits. I cannot relax in a mess. I don't know how normal people handle this, but in my house my Mom just screamed, yelled, threw things, and sometimes hit people. I try to avoid this and just start cleaning, but we always end up yelling. I don't want that for myself, my husband (who may not sound like it here but is amazing), or our beautiful daughters.
I guess I just don't have a healthy way of dealing with conflict. That's what I need, a good way to deal with conflict...before I got pregnant I smoked, and that was how I dealt. Obviously that's not a path I plan on going back down...
So how do you deal with this issues? How do you fight or not fight with your spouse? Tips please because Sunday will be here in no time!