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Uuuugh! Men irritate me! I'd THINK that he'd want the best for his child...

Posted by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 2:15 AM
  • 8 Replies

I just found out that I am surely pregant, roughly 5 weeks.  I'm pretty early, but there are benefits to knowing so early, I have more time to prepare(yay)!  However, there's also the 'talks' that come earlier as well.  My boyfriend of almost 7 years, this is his first baby.  I have twin boys that are 10, which aren't bilogically his, so this is kinda new territory for him.  I decided to breastfeed, though I didn't BF with my boys, I formula fed them.  So BFing is going to be a whole new experience for me.  I put a cap on the age that I would BF, which was 2 years, the age that I personally felt comfortable with.  

The irritating part came from me leaving a webpage open(I just haven't gotten around to talking to him about BFing yet, I honestly didn't think he'd care either way).  Anyhow, he seen that it was about BFing and asked me about it.  I told him that I planned to until the baby was 2 years old or so, and he thought that....and I quote, "that's weird"  and  "that's disguisting."  I can see how some people feel that way...he doesn't have anything against BFing, but he feels that it's odd to BF once the baby is able to eat solid foods, if not before that.  Therefore, we got into an arguement.  Now, just a very brief explanation of his view points...he's always been very 'science worthy.'  If it can be proved by studies, researchings, or proven...then it's true.  Anytime I didn't have the same opinion about something that he did, he'd always bring up things like that.  Now, with the BFing thing, his arguement was this...

1. "I was bottle fed and I have no issues.  No health problems, I'm book smart, etc etc..."

2. "My sisters and nephews was bottle fed, again, nothing wrong with any of us."

Here's my arguements...

1. Many, many studies have proven that BFing is more healthy for a lot of reasons.  You get antibodies and white blood cells that formula cannot give you, and the first few weeks is a big one too (not saying the word because I can't remember how to spell it .. cholostrum or something like that...)

2. It's the most natural thing you can do

3.  The baby will have a much better chance at fighting infections and illness, and isn't as likely to even get sick in the first place if BFed compared to formula feeding...not to mention, when they do get sick, they tend to get over it quicker.

Again, he's always believed in scientific studies and medical research, but for some reason...when it comes to his first born, I feel like his embarrissment is more important than my son/daughters health!  The part that kills me the most, is that he's not even willing to look up any information or talk to a lactation consultant...or even my OB about it!  That really pisses me off.  I think that he's being very selfish and naive about the whole situation.  I agreed to 6 months BFing, but I think I did that out of frusteration.  I want to reconsider that, but take his feelings into account as well.  

My question to you ladies...well, one of them anyhow, is suggestions on how to approach this.  I'm willing to compromise BFing until the baby's on solid foods.  That sounds fair to me, and would make me feel better about my baby's health.  And in general...opinions about the whole thing would be great.  And please...don't hold back, it won't hurt my feelings.  I want outside opinions on whether I'm being unreasonable and a total inconsiderate bitch, or if I may be at least partly justified in this whole thing?

by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 2:15 AM
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by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 9:39 AM

when it comes down to it, if you decide to BF that is your choice more so than his.  Those are your breasts.  You also have the option to pump and all that good stuff too.  

This is his first.  There is a bunch of stuff he will get a bit twitchy about.  Just give him time.  You just found out and are not that far into the pregnancy.  Keep talking to him as your pregnancy progresses.  You will see that he might just change some views the more this becomes a real thing to him.

by Nikki on Sep. 8, 2013 at 9:39 AM

Well I breastfed for 3 years. I did not breast feed my son because his father was against it from the beginning. I always felt bad for not breast feeding with him,so when baby #2 came I had it set in my mind that no matter what I was going to breastfeed and I did. I think any amount of breastfeeding whether 1 day or 1 year is great. Now I think you should play it by ear. You are very early on and his feelings may change once baby arrives and if not then you can do whatever works best for your family when the time comes. Best of luck and Congrats on the baby!!!!

by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 9:40 AM

PS:  Blessed Be and congratulations.

by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Well that's your own personal choice and he shouldn't be trying to talk you out of it. It's cheaper, not only does it have health benefits for your baby but it has health benefits for you such as helps you lose your any weight faster afterwards and my doctor told me that breast feeding also lowers a woman's risk of getting breast cancer. Do some research of your own on the benefits.
by Mandy on Sep. 8, 2013 at 10:15 AM

 I think it is more up to you then him because you will be home more with the child and if you think bfing is best for your child then do it. I did and my husband find no fault to that. He just listened to me in what I wanted to do for our child and I told him if I couldn't even go 2 months at least I know she got the good stuff they told me about. :) and She wasn't even sick until she turn 3 and it wasn't bad then.

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 1:16 AM

I would play it by ear.. Don't give yourself any time frame.tell him tha u are going to feed for as long as the baby wants. Don't give yourself time frames, because you may end up having issues and not breastfed at all.. Or you may have a child who WANTS to breastfed until 3.. Or you could have a baby who self weens at 11, 12, 14,18 months.. My daughter(1st born) was FF, my first son stopped taking the breast at 4 months.. Breast feeding wasn't fun for him OR me so when he started to really refuse, I let it go. my second son stopped not too long after his first birthday, my youngest is 10 months today and still going strong with little sign of wanting to give it up.. It really does depend on the child.. If he thinks its wierd, just let him know that he is more than welcome not to breastfed the baby himself(lol)

Who cares what ur bf says, it's your body, if u want to breastfed, do it. There should be no argument, it will stop when it stops, and that's it..

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 4:52 PM

I would let it go for awhile but continue to talk to him about it throughout your pregnancy. And do whatever you want when it comes to breastfeeding. They are your breasts, and really it is your decision. If he is worried about bonding with the baby, you can always pump some milk and he can feed the baby that way as well (once you get established with a good milk supply, I wouldn't try to pump before 6 weeks). I hope he starts to come around... I wouldn't compromise on the time frame either. It is selfish of him to cut the baby off by a certain time because HE thinks it is weird.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:15 AM

I did read all of your posts, and sorry about the delay, I wasn't able to be on for a few days.  But, you all gave  A LOT of helpful advice :)  I did end up talking to him...and just to update all of you, I told him that I would consider stopping at 6 months depending on how things go.  And after saying that it's pointless to argue about it now because we should worry about being happy and not worry about that until the time comes, he did agree.  Since then (which I believe was the night before last), I feel a lot better...and I think he does too.  

I did think a lot about things, and one thing he was sheltered from was affection and things of the sort.  His mother died when he was 9, and from what I understand from his dad, she was the affectionate one of the family.  Him and his dad have a GREAT relationship, but cuddles and physical affection isn't something that they played a part in besides the normal hug here and there.  So, in a way, I can understand his ansiness on things, I guess it just pissed me off that he wasn't willing to atleast do the research before judging.  

Oh, and Xoch86, I will SURELY tell him he's welcome to BF =D  I'd love to see that look hehehahhaa.  Thank you again all :)  you've been great and I appreciate all the advice and support.  I really did help a lot.

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