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I want my man to want me.. HELP!!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:08 PM
  • 13 Replies

Someone PLEASE give me advice i could really use it right now.

Heres what's going on. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. im 22 and he is 37, up until a year ago we had sex every single day. Then we just completely stopped when our daughter was born. i did gain a bunch of weight while pregnant.. 80bs to be exact, which i have lost 39 lbs but im still big. i think that is defiently a HUGE factor in our relationship... i even mentioned it to him tonight and he just laughed and said "it's not that" then when i asked him what it is he didn't answer me... I know for a fact he isn't cheating on me but this is very scary.. we have literally only had sex 3 times this year. i marked it on the calander the last time we were intimate was July 24.. 3 months ago and it was a quickie!!! What do you ladies think of this and am I the only one going through this, HOW DO I FIX THIS?? :(

He is so lucky that I don't cheat because i am sexually frustrated!!!!!!!!! 

o and i forgot to mention that he doesn't even kiss me except a little peck every now and again. I love him so much and want to fix this. He works day shift so when he comes home everyday he has a hot home cooked meal waiting on him, a spotless house, and a happy baby and i don't even get a kiss!!!


by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:08 PM
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by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:14 PM
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Well was he in the room with you when you had your child? Does he have prior children? I don't mean to get personal but there is several different things that could be going on and I am trying to figure out what would be the best answer.

If he has no prior children and this is his first and was in the room with you when you gave birth, I know that with some (not all and it may not be this), men once seeing their wife/girlfriend give birth and they see it, as in watching the baby come out, it changes that area for them and their way of thinking. 

Are you on birth control? If not then he may be worried of getting your pregnant even if he is using a condom because those can break and he may not be ready for another child so soon.

Not to be mean, but maybe the weight is a problem and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He probably knows you are trying to lose the weight and doesn't want to send you in the oposite direction as in gaining weight because you are depressed. 

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:25 PM

Thank you! 

No he wasn't in the room when i had her because i had a c section and was put to sleep, and he doesn't have any other children. No birth control actually he had me quit that because he does want to have another kid.. he says he is "OLD" and his sperm count is going to decrease, but yet he isn't having sex with me? lol. confusing i know

Its hard to lose this weight, idk what else i can do or try to get it off.. i was 130 lbs when we met until i got pregnant now im 177! 

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:42 PM

I know the feeling of the weight. Before I had kids I was 100lbs, and was a 00 size jeans. Then 3 kids later I am a size 8 and I can't get the last 30 lbs off and its been 3 years. But I am not as young as I used to be and I haven't been trying as hard as I should be. 

Well ok so it rules out the whole birthing idea. Well it could be the weight thing and knows you have been trying and doesn't want you to feel guilty about it. So he doesn't say anything at all. That's all I can think of. After I had my first, when she was 6 months old I would walk the mall a lot since I live in Texas and summers where hot. I am not good at working out as much as I should I never could stick with it long enough. So I walked the malls with my oldest. When she was 6months old til she was a year. We have several malls in the DFW (dallas/fortworth) area and so I would go to a different mall a day. Since each mall was different it allowed me to see different things and I went from drinking regular soda to diet soda (though they aren't good period I had to start somewhere), and I stopped eating fast food and once I did all that, I started losing the weight like crazy. Well that was 6 years ago and well my body isnt what it used to be. Plus after having my second child (a boy) 4 months later I was pregnant again and didn't get a chance to lose the weight from him.

So I do plan to start doing a work out plan once my middle child is in school. But I do plan to start eating better and more healthier foods. Which can be expensive so I just plan to find a good diet that I can work with that will also keep in budget. Haha. So if you are a SAHM, you have your own car, and are able to get out of the house, take the stroller, go walk a mall, and then take your lil one to the playground at the mall to play. Then watch what you eat and look up online on certain foods that could jumpstart your motabilizm. Some healthy foods can jumpstart. Look and see if there is a healthy diet you know you can stick to. Also we could do this together. Check on each other, motative each other. Maybe having someone else doing it with you will make it easier to do. PEER PRESSURE. haha

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:03 PM
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Not to be personal,but after 30 men lose testosterone. that could be it.

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:07 AM

 Tell him how you're feeling. Im in the opposite boat really. When my SO and I got together, we were like rabbits. After our first few MCs he was more, every other week. Now after our 3rd child he wants it every other day! And I just dont. 

Maybe his t-levels are low? Maybe he hasnt gotten over you having a baby? Maybe he doesnt want another kid right now? 

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I say make a big romantic night. Get someone to take the baby, make his favorite dinner, dress up real nice maybe some sexy lingerie, lots of candles, soft music. If that doesn't work sit him down and have a serious talk. Make him give u an answer to what is going on. Tell him how its really bothering u and if he would just tell u the problem maybe its something u guys could work on. GOOD LUCK!

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 7:59 PM
Maybe he is the one having a little trouble in that department or he could be stressed from work maybe?Try telling him how you feel and ask him whats going on again
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:14 PM

It could be if he was in the room while you gave birth. My husband took months to go beyond whatever he saw. At first I just laughed it off but then took it from his point of view and understood......somewhat. Finally I just told him either have sex with me or buy me a toy and keep the batteries charged because I am human and have needs!! He got the hint after 3 weeks of no action and alot of vibrations ;)

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:49 PM

we're on the same boat. We hardly have sex anymore and i don't even get a decent kiss. I'm pretty sure it's because of the weight gain as well. I gained 90 pounds with my first child. he's 3months now and i've only lost 60. Note, my baby weighed 11lb 3oz when he was born. big baby. I had a c section and i haven't been able to drop the weight because i have to make sure i take it easy. I really wish i can make him want me but he said the more i want him to want me the less he'll want me. 

by Nikki on Oct. 10, 2013 at 11:51 PM

Maybe his hormones are out of whack or he's just going through a dry patch? Do you initiate? Maybe wake him up in the middle of the night or try to spice it up a little. Good luck hun. We go through dry spells, right now we are lucky to go once every two weeks.

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