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I'm seriously considering splitting up

Posted by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:06 PM
  • 11 Replies
My husband is not the same person I married a year ago. He used to be selfless, understanding and bright eyed. In just a years time he has become incredibly selfish, immature, and is getting caught up in drugs. Honestly, I can understand and deal with the young, new dad part. But throwing drugs in the mix, I can't handle. He started taking prescription painkillers over a year ago because his friends were doing it. I expressed that I didn't like it but he didn't care. I told him I would not be with someone who did drugs. He said he would never do it again. Fast forward a few months- he's doing them again, a couple of times a month. Now he claims he has to have them to manage his pain- pain that he hardly complained about a tear ago. I do believe he has pain, as he is a leukemia survivor. I know what chemo does to your body. But I think he is using his past with cancer to make it 'ok' for him to illegally buy and use prescription pain pills. I don't know what to do. I will not let my son grow up with an addict for a father, but my husband convinces me that his use is not out of control. I feel that it is because it is illegal and I know his first uses were not for pain, but for a high. On top of this, his mood swings are out of control. One second he is a loving father and the next, he's telling my son to shut up and that he has no reason to be crying and then we will start arguing because I don't allow him to talk to our son that way and he will say he is going to leave me and he calls me all kinda of derogatory things in front of our son. I've gotten to the point that logically, I know the right thing is for us to separate but when he is good, he's great and it makes me rethink things. I don't know what to do
by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you know what you have to do momma :/. I know it is hard leaving, but he will never change his ways if you stay. Hopefully you leaving might knock some sense into him to kick the drugs?

MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:53 PM
Does he get them legally from a doctor?

If he has legitimate pain, he should be in a plan with a trusted health care provider.

Have you discussed substance abuse counseling? That would be really good for him, and your family.
Courtney610
by Courtney on Oct. 18, 2013 at 1:26 PM
If he's in pain, he needs to see a doctor. If he's obtaining the drugs illegally, he has a problem.

I'd highly suggest counseling.
Jlu88
by Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 6:51 PM
I second this! Seriously, you need to really talk to him and try to.work it out

Quoting Courtney610:

If he's in pain, he needs to see a doctor. If he's obtaining the drugs illegally, he has a problem.



I'd highly suggest counseling.
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MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Oct. 18, 2013 at 11:37 PM

Have you suggested rehab to him?

mommiek612
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:20 AM
Thanks, everyone. We have gotten into a big fight about it recently, during which he said 'I will stop taking them, but if I need one I am going to take one' but never actually stopped taking them. He's also told me he will never stop taking them. I do believe he has pain, which makes it hard. I don't think it would be so bad if he hasn't taken them to begin with. I believe a lot of his pain is his body trying to get him to continue taking them. He doesn't get them legally, he buys them illegally which puts more strain on our family. He admits that when he doesn't have them he goes through withdrawals, during which he can't work which strains our family more. I have told him I refuse to be with someone with a drug addiction, and now he is insecure and accusing me of cheating on him every time we are apart from each other. I am definitely looking into drug counseling but I am just so mad that this has even happened. Sometimes I just want to be done and raise our son alone, as he has already said of we split up he won't fight for custody
BlessedAgain3
by Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 3:41 PM
Leave! I went through the same thing. It wont change it will just get worse much worse. He already told u he wont stop taking them or fight for custody? Even tho thats good for u why would u wanna be with someone that doesnt even want custody of his son? And why should your son grow up around his dad when hes bad.

My ex had good days too and thats why i stayed wayyy to long! He lied stoled and my unreliable and unpredictable! Leaving was the BEST thing i ever did for me and my kids


Quoting mommiek612:

Thanks, everyone. We have gotten into a big fight about it recently, during which he said 'I will stop taking them, but if I need one I am going to take one' but never actually stopped taking them. He's also told me he will never stop taking them. I do believe he has pain, which makes it hard. I don't think it would be so bad if he hasn't taken them to begin with. I believe a lot of his pain is his body trying to get him to continue taking them. He doesn't get them legally, he buys them illegally which puts more strain on our family. He admits that when he doesn't have them he goes through withdrawals, during which he can't work which strains our family more. I have told him I refuse to be with someone with a drug addiction, and now he is insecure and accusing me of cheating on him every time we are apart from each other. I am definitely looking into drug counseling but I am just so mad that this has even happened. Sometimes I just want to be done and raise our son alone, as he has already said of we split up he won't fight for custody

amberlavine
by Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:28 PM

You and your son do deserve better. I'd give him an ultamatum its his family or the drugs. No way should you have to put up with it and if he wants it to work he will choose you two. I'm so sorry you're going through this but if he doesn't get help now it'll only get worse, speaking from experience with pills, its hard but I chose my family and getting better. Like any other addiction the want is always there and I don't suspect it ever goes away but you can get better if you want to. I pray everything works out for you and that you and your son and husband can work it out! 

amberlavine
by Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:35 PM


Quoting mommiek612:

Thanks, everyone. We have gotten into a big fight about it recently, during which he said 'I will stop taking them, but if I need one I am going to take one' but never actually stopped taking them. He's also told me he will never stop taking them. I do believe he has pain, which makes it hard. I don't think it would be so bad if he hasn't taken them to begin with. I believe a lot of his pain is his body trying to get him to continue taking them. He doesn't get them legally, he buys them illegally which puts more strain on our family. He admits that when he doesn't have them he goes through withdrawals, during which he can't work which strains our family more. I have told him I refuse to be with someone with a drug addiction, and now he is insecure and accusing me of cheating on him every time we are apart from each other. I am definitely looking into drug counseling but I am just so mad that this has even happened. Sometimes I just want to be done and raise our son alone, as he has already said of we split up he won't fight for custody

I really want to believe in my heart that this is the drugs talking (as far as him accusing you of cheating & not willing to fight for his son). There are painkillers that are non-narcotic if he does need pain relief. Again I'm so sorry. I really hope he can see what he has right in front of him and that these pills are doing him way more harm than any good. 

mommiek612
by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 5:24 AM
I went through painkiller addiction with my father. I am not new to the manipulation, and we are fighting so much and my son deserves better. I just don't want o feel like I didn't try everything I could. Today he has been without any pills for 3 days, but I know he is plannig to buy more tomorrow.. And he acts so childish if he thinks something is going to get in his way.. My son is very ill right now and we only have one vehicle and I will be using it to being our son to the doctor in the am, and I know my husband is going to get mad about that but my son being sick is more important. It's crazy because my husband is so immature at times. It feels sometimes like I'm a single mom to a 16 month old and a 16 year old (husband is actually 22 but he doesn't act it)
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