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My 7 year old son is excessively helpful to the point of being overwhelming anyone else have a child like this?

Posted by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 12:53 AM
  • 7 Replies

Just a little background about our family, I was married to my sons father for 5 years, he was a drunk and used drugs. He was a marine and when he got out of the service he was diagnosed with PTSD, he was supposed to be on meds and in therapy, but chose to drink and do drugs instead. I did all I could do to make him participate in therapy and being on meds, I went to every appointment etc...My ex was very verbally and physically abusive towards me. So hence the divorce. During which I Spent 3 months in a domestic violence shelter, my son was four at the time. Anyway a lot has changed since then and I have moved on beautifully with my life. My son has seen a therapist and she says hes adjusting very well to the divorce. His father was not abusive to him just towards me. Anyway I find that my son is EXCESSIVELY helpful.  Ill give you an example, if we are eating dinner at the table he will start by pulling out my chair for me, he will stand very close to me and hand me each silverware peice that i need. If he feels thats not enough he will feed me, much like you would a toddler with a spoon. He will also try to wipe my mouth with my napkin,  then try to give me a drink of whatever Im drinking by grabbing my cup and putting it to my lips and holding it there. All while standing beside me and trying to rub my back with his other hand and telling me Im a beautiful mommy. And when I tell him its to much and he needs to stop, he seems frustrated and just tells me he really likes helping me because he doesnt want me to be stressed out..... Its not just with dinner its like that with everything..... and I mean everything. Im not sure how to handle this execpt tell him certain things mommy likes doing by herself and doesnt want help. I dont want him to misbehave and be unruly I'm thankful hes so helpful, he really is a good kid. However its extremely over whelming at times hes litterally in my face 24/7, and more importantly I dont want him growing up and being used by women because he is so kind and helpful. Anyway Im also concerned its because hes seen bad things happen to me, the therapist said he's doing fine, but is that fine? In every other aspect hes a normal child. And just because some might bring this up nothing is sexual in his behavior, not Oedipus complex. My son has done this since he was about 3 1/2-4 yrs old.

Our family now is pretty normal, his dad over spoils him in an attempt to win his love, but thats about all the oddness he has in his life. Im a college student, and SAHM me and my now fiance had a baby in May and we are a happy family. My 7 year old adores his brother, which brings up another point he thought the baby was OUR baby, as in me and him( 7 yr old) were going to take care of him. ( my 7 yr old doesnt know about sex yet) he thought a baby just appeared in there lol and the baby belonged solely to me. He use to try and butt in when my fiance would take care of our new son because he thought it was his job to take care of mommy and baby.  I had to have quite a few talks with him about that. We all get along for the most part, and my son has a regular routine. Ive found neighborhood kids for him to play with often other boys his age, and thats seemed to help a bit, but any other advice? NO BASHING PLEASE. Im genuinely worried about my son I just want him to be ok. 

by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 12:53 AM
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Replies (1-7):
frndlyfn
by Silver Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 1:25 AM

You need to bring this up to the therapist so they may help him learn how to become a child again.   He probably feels like he was the "man"of the house when dad was not around or mean to you so he needs to maintain that role even though there is a more stable adult male in the household.  How does your fiancee feel about the behavior?  Another thought is that you can create a task chart for him and explain those are the things he needs to worry about, nothing more unless mommy asks him for help.

Rotorkitty
by Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 1:54 AM

He probably is feeling like he needs to make up for what his daddy did. He does need the help to bring back his childhood like the other poster stated. Talk with his therapis, your son deserves his childhood. Being brought up before getting to enjoy his time being care free is going to hurt him later.

AnnieYates4
by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Thank you ladies for the input I'll talk to his therapist about it. The chart is a good idea I'll try those and see where we get. I had a feeling that's why he was doing those things. It just makes me so angry at his father. He deserves a good happy childhood, your right he's not an adult he needs to do kid things.
AnnieYates4
by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:37 AM
And my fiancé notices it a lot, he's not sure what to do about it. He feels like my son is competing with him for the role of "man of the house".
MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Oct. 20, 2013 at 11:46 AM

That does seem very odd. I'd bring up the specifics with his therapist .

Ryanswifey42012
by Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 10:17 PM
I think maybe he is so helpful because he sees you do these things for him. Maybe he just wants to be like you. Your his rolemodel. He looks up to you. It could just be his way of helping you. Do you think it has anything to do with your ex being abusive to you?
AnnieYates4
by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 12:01 PM
I'm worried it might. I'm worried he's trying to over compensate for his father
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