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Stressed and Need to Vent!

Posted by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 11:39 PM
  • 6 Replies

This may be long!  I met my fiance last summer when I was in training for a new job (I'm in the Army).  We were both starting our divorces, both of our spouses had been unfaithful.  I liked him right away but didn't tell him because I knew he took his marriage seriously and I thought in the end he would up trying to save it.  Towards the end of our school, though, I did tell him how I felt and after a few weeks he admitted he felt the same way.  We started dating in December of last year, knowing that I would be coming back to Colorado and he to Texas.  

We visited each other once monthly, me flying there or him flying here.  In March I went to see him for about a week, and I didn't refill my birth control.  His doctors had told him years before that due to some biochemical exposure in Iraq, he could not have children.  So I risked not taking my pills.  And of course, a few weeks later, I had a positive pregnancy test.  

Since then a lot has happened; he was supposed to deploy to Afghanistan with his unit, but during medical screening they found a lot of things that were never addressed from his wounds in Iraq.  They made him non-deployable and began the process of deciding whether or not he can stay in the Army (this can take 8 months to a year, sometimes longer).  I was relieved he wouldn't be deploying, but we started dealing w/the whole uncertainty of what we would do if he got out.  In the meantime, my divorce was finalized, and he moved to a unit for other Soldiers like him who are being processed out.  They're very strict w/these Soldiers and don't let them leave the area (so he couldn't visit me).  I went to see him instead, and his chain of command saw me and started asking him questions about where his wife was (she's been living in another state with another man since last year) and who I was and was I pregnant, etc.  

So we actually went through a period where they were threatening to punish him for adultery, which was incredibly stressful.  His divorce was supposed to be finalized months ago, but she was trying to get as much money out of it as she could so it's been a long drawn out thing (over a year now).  This has been a tremendous stress to me as well because if he and I are not married by the time the baby is born (December) he can't even take leave to come see me and the baby and will have to keep things hidden from his chain of command still.  

Unrelated to him, I have a 6 year old with medical and developmental problems who isn't doing well in school this year; his father has custody during the school year because he doesn't work and I am active duty.  The judge felt he would have more time to take him to and from school, etc.  My ex is constantly fighting w/the school about how my son is being treated by the other kids and how they aren't monitoring him closely enough.  So I am trying to handle those issues as well.  Plainly, I am under a lot of stress.  

My fiance is the closest thing to perfect in a man that any woman could ever hope to find.  But sometimes I just don't think he cuts me enough slack.  I have been moody today, admittedly, and he told me that I am "always grumpy".  Sometimes I just want to say, yes, I am.  Look at everything on my plate.  But for some reason he doesn't seem to understand how it all piles up, even though he's under the same pile.  Just had to get it off my chest.  Sorry for the novel.  

by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 11:39 PM
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Replies (1-6):
ColoradoMom86
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 11:48 PM

BUMP!

AlliBeeC
by Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 12:18 AM

well you certainly do have a lot on your plate and I can't blame you for being a little grumpy! Sometimes men just don't understand all the stress we are under, even if it's the same stress they are dealing with. 

ColoradoMom86
by on Nov. 3, 2013 at 12:37 AM

I feel like I handle it pretty well, I don't nag him about the Army issues or his divorce because I know they're both out of his hands.  I have no idea when he will be able to move here, so I don't know how long it will be just me and the baby on our own.  But that's not his fault either.  So I don't nag at him even though the hormones from the pregnancy make me emotional.  I just wish he'd cut me some slack sometimes :/


Quoting AlliBeeC:

well you certainly do have a lot on your plate and I can't blame you for being a little grumpy! Sometimes men just don't understand all the stress we are under, even if it's the same stress they are dealing with. 



powow65
by Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:56 PM
Well, does your DF have a child too?
If not than you have to see as a "almost divorce but dating non-parent", parents we see the WHOLE PICTURE! & it's stressful, non-parents they wonder "why you so stressed" but they don't know 1/2 of it!

We too have a lot going on with our DD too, she is in special Ed & want to get her on disability so she can get the right help. (hard at the moment.)

Good luck.
ColoradoMom86
by on Nov. 3, 2013 at 7:09 PM

He doesn't have any children, but the last time he was here he said I woke him up talking in my sleep about my son.  So he knows how much it's bothering me, and those kinds of things aren't lost on him.  We're just having a lot of trouble getting the help my son needs throughout the school day, and at the same time his father and I disagree about what is needed there.  It's always a struggle for special needs children in one way or another.  

hugs


Quoting powow65:

Well, does your DF have a child too?
If not than you have to see as a "almost divorce but dating non-parent", parents we see the WHOLE PICTURE! & it's stressful, non-parents they wonder "why you so stressed" but they don't know 1/2 of it!

We too have a lot going on with our DD too, she is in special Ed & want to get her on disability so she can get the right help. (hard at the moment.)

Good luck.



powow65
by Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 7:55 PM
Omg yes! (well DD is bipolar & isn't...... As "smart" as her dad. He too is bipolar but oh gosh! Super smart!)
Just ...... I did everything right with my pregnancy with my DD! (cold turkey on coffee, lots of water & veggies, I even BF'ed my DD, well only for 3months. She was a BITER! Ouch!)
But it hurts so much that I feel like a "failure as a mommy" to my DD.
:((

.
. In sorry your ex & you are not on the same level about your kids education.


Quoting ColoradoMom86:

He doesn't have any children, but the last time he was here he said I woke him up talking in my sleep about my son.  So he knows how much it's bothering me, and those kinds of things aren't lost on him.  We're just having a lot of trouble getting the help my son needs throughout the school day, and at the same time his father and I disagree about what is needed there.  It's always a struggle for special needs children in one way or another.  

hugs



Quoting powow65:

Well, does your DF have a child too?

If not than you have to see as a "almost divorce but dating non-parent", parents we see the WHOLE PICTURE! & it's stressful, non-parents they wonder "why you so stressed" but they don't know 1/2 of it!



We too have a lot going on with our DD too, she is in special Ed & want to get her on disability so she can get the right help. (hard at the moment.)



Good luck.




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