DH doesn't want another baby but I'm secretly wishing I'm pregnant UPDATED
Sorry for the weird title, it was the best I could do...and it's accurate I guess...
I want another baby so bad. My Jan baby (Ben) was my first and only so far. DH is 10 years older than me and when I talk about wanting another, he just doesn't think he could handle another baby/toddler phase. And I respect that, he's just being honest and he knows I still want another and is very sorry about everything. He has said though that if I were to become pregnant unintentionally, we'd make it work. I have a Paraguard IUD though. So that brings you up to speed to this week and last. Last week I started my very first grown-up job, one I'm actually using my degree for (kinda).
had a very good night that night to celebrate my first day on the
job...I was set to ovulate Wednesday and I had a light tinge of color
almost like spotting for a few days. Friday after I got Ben to bed (8
o'clock) I went straight to sleep and slept all night. Sunday I started
feeling a bit nauseous and I haven't been going to the bathroom very
well lately but DH and I were intimate again. Then yesterday I had to
kick my new boss out of the bathroom so I could throw up. I almost NEVER
throw up unless I'm pregnant (and even with Ben I threw up maybe 5
times the entire pregnancy and some of those were heat related) or
REALLY sick. So I went home and slept till DH had to go to work. I took a
clearblue test (the ones that tell you how many weeks you're pregnant)
right after I left work and it was negative, but I had just peed before I
left work so it wasn't first morning or stored up for very long at all.
I got a negative, but I only ovulated last week. I have been cramping a
lot though and my back is killing me like it did with Ben but that
could also be my new job.
am secretly wishing that I am pregnant but I'm scared that if I am A)
when they remove my IUD will I lose the baby? B) Will DH really
be willing to accept it and C) we're still not in a good place
financially and another baby would defintely set us back and D) how will
this effect my new job? It's very hands on (it's an animatronics
studio) and I do a lot of bending, lifting, prying and I'm around a lot
Not many would readily support us having another baby right now (or in a few cases not at all) so I don't really have anyone to vent this to. I have 2 more tests and I'm thinking of taking one tomorrow with first morning urine and one next week.
UPDATE: So, I'm not pregnant...apparently all the cramping really was because I was sick. I don't know how I didn't realize that I hadn't been pooping regularly and once I DID manage to go...let's just say it's been a long day. I'm pretty bummed because I looked at a chinese gender chart (it was right with my son) and when I WOULD have conceived, I would have gotten my girl. Pretty bummed but DH has been sounding really extra stressed lately due to my new job and he's getting less sleep because of it so I guess it's for the best. I'm going to give myself 6 more months to try to talk him into it and if he still hasn't changed his mind I'm going to have him get snipped so I can get this damn IUD out and stop worrying/hoping when I have episodes like this.