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Posted by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:25 AM
  • 11 Replies
My mom is on her 4th boyfriend in 4 years. She ALWAYS introduces them as "grandpa" to my kids, which I have to correct. Her new boyfriend is creepy. Like really creepy. She brought him to meet me at my sons 5th bday party, without asking. I was really disturbed by him and so glad they left almost as soon as they got there (my sister had a terrible car accident, but she's okay). He makes me so uncomfortable I checked him on Megans List!

I told my mom that he makes both DH and me uncomfortable, and we don't want him around our kids. She was offended! She's only been with this guy 4 months and he HAS to come to Christmas and Thanksgiving? Really? So she told me he's coming to Christmas and I have to deal. So, DH and I told her we won't be there if he is.

She called my Dad! And complained that I was inventing things to get a "get out of moms house free card" (because it's ALWAYS got to be about her, right?). Dad asked me, I told him what's up and he agrees with me!

So I've been trying to contact her to arrange another time to celebrate Christmas without him there... she refuses to answer my calls, call me back, and sent a text when I tried to call her at work (family business) that she would call me after she got off..... then never did, and didnt answer when I called again.

Should I just let her stew or keep trying to call her?


(BTW I'm not the only one who finds him creepy. My sister and her boyfriend were so uncomfortable that when mom brought him to meet their new baby after only 1 month dating him!! They had their older kids girl12 and boy5 sleep in their room with them and locked the door!! So it's not just me!!)
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
esox
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:30 AM
What makes him so creepy? At her age how long do you think she should have to wait to introduce her boyfriends to you?
Mandallyn
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:36 AM
I would stop calling. You tried, she's being unreasonable by refusing to even speak to you. I HATE when my mom brings her new girlfriends to our family get togethers. Can't you really get to know the person before you bring them into your grandkids lives? :-p
MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:42 AM
I really don't know. He just gives off this really negative vibe. I think she should be getting serious with them first. She's 48 and still acts like she's in high school. New boyfriends are NOT grandpa and she hangs all over them the whole time. If she's "no where near" thinking of marriage (her words!) They don't need to be at Christmas! And for heavens sake, ASK before bringing them to my kids birthday party!

Quoting esox: What makes him so creepy? At her age how long do you think she should have to wait to introduce her boyfriends to you?
Pagan_Mommy84
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 4:45 AM

I would surely follow your gut instinct... at least until he gives all of you plenty of reason to judge one way or another.  The best way to do that would be for you, your sis, and your hubby's to get to know him without the kids.  You've tried to call your mom, it's her choice not to talk to you.  So let her come to you, and when she does lay it all out on h etable for her.  Just explain that it goes too quickly for your family and usually it's not a problem other than them being introduced as 'gpa,' but this time it's different and you don't feel comfortable with him...but you'd be willing to give it some adult time without the LO's to see how you feel after a few more months, no promises, but you'll see.  GL :( 

Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 6:05 AM
1 mom liked this

When I was 12 my mom was dating this guy named Richard. Well, Richard was kinda creepy, but he paid attention to me, so I was ok with him. He always brought me stuff, and would take me to the movies, without my mom. (clued in yet?) He taught me how to play darts at his house, and we played uno, and Monopoly, it was neat. Turns out he was wanted for molesting a girl at a local high school. Luckily, I wasn't old enough yet, he was biding his time. (: Just wanted to point out, moms DO date creepy guys sometimes, and you have to follow your instincts as to whether you want your mom's new beau around your kids. I would definitely NOT call her again, you've put forth the effort and she didn't respond, so give her time to stew and be mad, and she'll come around. When she does, you need to explain that her boyfriends are Friends, NOT grandpa, unless they are married. You don't want her confusing your children, that's just not right for them. And let her know that you're not comfortable with him being around for family holidays, they're your holidays too, and you deserve to be safe, happy, and comfortable, especially when you're spending them with family. Best of luck.

MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 11:21 AM
Thanks! My mom had creepy guys around a lot when I was a kid, unfortunately for me I found out firsthand as a kid why they were creepy. So, I'm definitely following my instinct. He may be sweet as pie, but he doesn't need to be near my kids. She can have all of the hissy fits she wants, I'm not budging on this.

Quoting Serabeth06:

When I was 12 my mom was dating this guy named Richard. Well, Richard was kinda creepy, but he paid attention to me, so I was ok with him. He always brought me stuff, and would take me to the movies, without my mom. (clued in yet?) He taught me how to play darts at his house, and we played uno, and Monopoly, it was neat. Turns out he was wanted for molesting a girl at a local high school. Luckily, I wasn't old enough yet, he was biding his time. (: Just wanted to point out, moms DO date creepy guys sometimes, and you have to follow your instincts as to whether you want your mom's new beau around your kids. I would definitely NOT call her again, you've put forth the effort and she didn't respond, so give her time to stew and be mad, and she'll come around. When she does, you need to explain that her boyfriends are Friends, NOT grandpa, unless they are married. You don't want her confusing your children, that's just not right for them. And let her know that you're not comfortable with him being around for family holidays, they're your holidays too, and you deserve to be safe, happy, and comfortable, especially when you're spending them with family. Best of luck.

Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:05 PM

 Just stick to your guns, you've got a right to feel the way you feel. Seems like grandma needs to do some growing up, and until she does, she's not creating a healthy image for your kids anyways. My mom's 52 and still likes to have tantrums and misbehave. She won't talk to my kids on the phone because she "can't understand a word they say." My son is three. He doesn't care if you understand him, he just thinks it's neat to talk on the phone. Uh huh is all that's required to hold a decent conversation with him. :/ So hang in there, you're not the only one with a cray cray momma. =D

Quoting MumsTheWord571: Thanks! My mom had creepy guys around a lot when I was a kid, unfortunately for me I found out firsthand as a kid why they were creepy. So, I'm definitely following my instinct. He may be sweet as pie, but he doesn't need to be near my kids. She can have all of the hissy fits she wants, I'm not budging on this.

Quoting Serabeth06:

When I was 12 my mom was dating this guy named Richard. Well, Richard was kinda creepy, but he paid attention to me, so I was ok with him. He always brought me stuff, and would take me to the movies, without my mom. (clued in yet?) He taught me how to play darts at his house, and we played uno, and Monopoly, it was neat. Turns out he was wanted for molesting a girl at a local high school. Luckily, I wasn't old enough yet, he was biding his time. (: Just wanted to point out, moms DO date creepy guys sometimes, and you have to follow your instincts as to whether you want your mom's new beau around your kids. I would definitely NOT call her again, you've put forth the effort and she didn't respond, so give her time to stew and be mad, and she'll come around. When she does, you need to explain that her boyfriends are Friends, NOT grandpa, unless they are married. You don't want her confusing your children, that's just not right for them. And let her know that you're not comfortable with him being around for family holidays, they're your holidays too, and you deserve to be safe, happy, and comfortable, especially when you're spending them with family. Best of luck.

 

dolphinlover325
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 12:33 PM
I would just let her be when she wants to come back in the picture tell how you feel
jessica4212011
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 1:13 PM

I'm the same way I think its a natural instinct most women have not just moms it just gets stonger when u have kids, if ur not comfortable with him around your kids don't budge on that he doesn't have to have a record to be a creep. If ur mom wants to be that way let her even though its probably hard not to have it around, but its pretty sad if she would chose a man she's known for a couple of months over her family she need to reevaluate her life and decided what is more important to her. And besides why would she want to bring around a guy her kids are uncomfortable with

jessica4212011
by Member on Dec. 18, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 

Quoting Serabeth06:

When I was 12 my mom was dating this guy named Richard. Well, Richard was kinda creepy, but he paid attention to me, so I was ok with him. He always brought me stuff, and would take me to the movies, without my mom. (clued in yet?) He taught me how to play darts at his house, and we played uno, and Monopoly, it was neat. Turns out he was wanted for molesting a girl at a local high school. Luckily, I wasn't old enough yet, he was biding his time. (: Just wanted to point out, moms DO date creepy guys sometimes, and you have to follow your instincts as to whether you want your mom's new beau around your kids. I would definitely NOT call her again, you've put forth the effort and she didn't respond, so give her time to stew and be mad, and she'll come around. When she does, you need to explain that her boyfriends are Friends, NOT grandpa, unless they are married. You don't want her confusing your children, that's just not right for them. And let her know that you're not comfortable with him being around for family holidays, they're your holidays too, and you deserve to be safe, happy, and comfortable, especially when you're spending them with family. Best of luck.

 omg, that's nuts its sucks he was buttering u up but at least u weren't "of age" yet in his mind. That could have been even worse.

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