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I don't know what to do, but I know I need to do something...

Posted by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:06 PM
  • 14 Replies

At this time of year, I would hope to receive love and attention but that's out the window in my relationship. I may sound a little needy but I'm just a woman... 

The father of my children has been, what I think is "emotionally abusing" me. We both work, he's a supervisor and I'm an accountant. I mentally get exhausted after coming home from work, then having to take care of my children and cooking. You know, the mommy life. But when he gets home from work, he will sit down and not want to do anything some times unless I ask. But when I do ask, he'll snap at me or roll his eyes at me. Last night while I was cooking, he was talking to me in a tone that I did not like (keep in mind he has been doing this for a while now, but when I call him out, he says that he will work on it). He gets attitudes when he talks or if I were to tell him about work, he will sigh and starts laughing. I like my job even though it tires me, and I would like to tell him how my day went... and vice versa. Today, we have to be at work, but I would much rather spend time with my children. He also has to work too, but he says that he's going to have to stay at work longer than normal TODAY because he has to take care of some things. It's always been like that, I'd much rather him say, "Hey, I can deal with this another day... I have a family at home who wants me to be there with them." But he doesn't see it the way I do. He pushes our kids to their room so he can just be alone. (He likes to be alone after he gets off from work) Which I don't mind sometimes, but ALL THE TIME? I'm not sure how to feel... he makes it out to where other things like work, drinking, smoking marijuana is more important than time with us. There has been times where he will ask, "Hey do you want to drink tonight?" when I'd rather spend time with our kids. Our kids are only 3 and 1. Once they get older, those times are gone. I just wish he'd pay us a little more attention, be romantic but everything has been about other things and I just feel very unimportant. I'm not sure what to do, but I know that I need to do something.
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, mama. All I can say is that you need to sit down and decide for yourself what you feel, need, and want. You need to think, If -nothing- changes, can I keep living in this situation? If the answer is yes, then you need to make the decision in yourself to be ok with what you have, to accept what is, and to try to make yourself and your husband happier. If the answer is no, then you need to talk to him and figure out if he's willing to change, what changes have to be made for the sake of your marriage, or if you need to leave. It's tough, I know, but you just have to decide what you can live with.

k9l1c5
by Ruby Member on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:00 PM

I think this is excellent advice and I agree. So sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you all can try to have a nice holiday <3.

Quoting Serabeth06:

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, mama. All I can say is that you need to sit down and decide for yourself what you feel, need, and want. You need to think, If -nothing- changes, can I keep living in this situation? If the answer is yes, then you need to make the decision in yourself to be ok with what you have, to accept what is, and to try to make yourself and your husband happier. If the answer is no, then you need to talk to him and figure out if he's willing to change, what changes have to be made for the sake of your marriage, or if you need to leave. It's tough, I know, but you just have to decide what you can live with.


ladylovesandy
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:05 PM

I wish it was that easy. My heart wants to leave, honestly... I think about it every day... but our kids will be without a father.

MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Dec. 24, 2013 at 1:16 PM
That's horrible.

Are you married? Has he ways been this way?

I would think counseling would work through most of the issues. It's helped many couples I know.

The bigger issue, for me personally, would be the marijuana. I couldn't imagine allowing my children to be around, let alone live with a habitual drug user. His drug and alcohol use may also be the source of his selfish and lazy attitude.
ladylovesandy
by on Dec. 24, 2013 at 2:01 PM


Quoting MamaPeanut: That's horrible.

Are you married? Has he ways been this way?

I would think counseling would work through most of the issues. It's helped many couples I know.

The bigger issue, for me personally, would be the marijuana. I couldn't imagine allowing my children to be around, let alone live with a habitual drug user. His drug and alcohol use may also be the source of his selfish and lazy attitude.

We are engaged, but I'm thinking about calling it off because this is getting out of hand in my relationship. I'm not sure how to go about counseling... but yes I agree. I don't know how I should put a stop to that.

MamaPeanut
by Kristy on Dec. 24, 2013 at 2:19 PM
You could write down all your feelings and concerns, and sit down at a quiet time and discuss them calmly with him. Let him know exactly what you need to change, and what the consequences will be if they don't.

Quoting ladylovesandy:


Quoting MamaPeanut: That's horrible.



Are you married? Has he ways been this way?



I would think counseling would work through most of the issues. It's helped many couples I know.



The bigger issue, for me personally, would be the marijuana. I couldn't imagine allowing my children to be around, let alone live with a habitual drug user. His drug and alcohol use may also be the source of his selfish and lazy attitude.

We are engaged, but I'm thinking about calling it off because this is getting out of hand in my relationship. I'm not sure how to go about counseling... but yes I agree. I don't know how I should put a stop to that.

Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:30 AM

 If in your heart, you think you should leave, then you really should get out of that relationship. If your only concern is that the kids will be without a father, then you should evaluate the situation. If daddy ignores them, plays his video games, smokes pot and drinks all the time, what kind of example of fatherhood is he setting for your kids? That ignoring your responsibilities is OK? That treating mommy like garbage is OK? That they're less important to dad than his games/alcohol/pot/alone time? :/ I hate to say it, but grab the old reliable pros/cons list and decide how much good having a father "figure" is doing for them.

Quoting ladylovesandy:

I wish it was that easy. My heart wants to leave, honestly... I think about it every day... but our kids will be without a father.

 

TempestRayne
by Donna on Dec. 25, 2013 at 8:10 PM
This
Quoting Serabeth06:

 If in your heart, you think you should leave, then you really should get out of that relationship. If your only concern is that the kids will be without a father, then you should evaluate the situation. If daddy ignores them, plays his video games, smokes pot and drinks all the time, what kind of example of fatherhood is he setting for your kids? That ignoring your responsibilities is OK? That treating mommy like garbage is OK? That they're less important to dad than his games/alcohol/pot/alone time? :/ I hate to say it, but grab the old reliable pros/cons list and decide how much good having a father "figure" is doing for them.


Quoting ladylovesandy:

I wish it was that easy. My heart wants to leave, honestly... I think about it every day... but our kids will be without a father.


 

Chloesmom2004
by Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 9:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like they already are, hun :-\

Quoting ladylovesandy:

I wish it was that easy. My heart wants to leave, honestly... I think about it every day... but our kids will be without a father.

Mylilmonkey1120
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 8:47 AM


Quoting Chloesmom2004: Sounds like they already are, hun :-\



Quoting ladylovesandy:

I wish it was that easy. My heart wants to leave, honestly... I think about it every day... but our kids will be without a father.

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