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UNDECIDED, CONFUSED 1st Time Mom to Be

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:18 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hello all! I am a 26 year old first time mom to be. I didn't discover I was pregnant until a month ago, which indicated that I was already 2 months along. I was devastated and upset, to say the least because I conceived while taking the pill FAITHFULLY. To make matters worse, my boyfriend and I are not on the best of terms and since first discovering our baby news, I have been considering placing our child for adoption. My child's father is in total opposition to me doing this. This situation is not ideal, as I would like to parent; but I have always been a structured person and wanted to have things in order before bringing a child into the world (ie. owning a home, finishing school, being married, etc). Things are even more complex because my child's father got evicted a week after learning that we were having a baby and his life is in total shambles right now. He is currently staying with his sister and working two jobs just to survive and care for one of his daughter's who he has custody of. He tries to be there for me and take me to appointments and to the store when he can, but I can't help but feel abandoned by him, especially now since I am going through this life changing experience and my family stays out of town. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he states that he doesn't want to be stressed and will talk to me today when he gets a chance. What should I do about our relationship and come to a decision about our baby?

Advice is much needed and appreciated! shrugging

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:18 PM
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Replies (1-7):
erin708
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:48 PM
3 moms liked this
I personally would keep the baby and prepare to care for it as a single mom. There really is never a "right" time to have a baby.
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Mandallyn
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:18 PM
1 mom liked this

That's a difficult position.  I think you should seriously consider if you want to keep this man in your life.  He already has one child that he needs 2 jobs to support.  What will life be life when he has a 2nd?  Will he be living with you, will his child be living with you?  Do you want this baby?   I would emphasize not to give the baby up for adoption if you are not sure about it.  Plus I don't think you can if the father won't give consent and sign over his rights.  In that case what will you do?  Will you sign over your rights and let him raise two children on his own and continue with your life?  Or will you try to work out an agreement about custody, child-support, and visitation?

He hasn't abandoned you, but he does have a child to care for who is in his custody.  He is already a parent, and I'm assuming from you OP he doesn't live with you.  He simply can't be with you when he is off work in this case. His circumstances have changed, he must provide for the child that is already here.  I'm sorry he can't be there for you like you need at this challenging time.  I hope he's willing to have a conversation with you and the two of you can come to some kind of understanding.  

MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:26 PM

That is a tough situation. Have you talked to anyone in regards to adoption? To be honest I considered adoption several times in the begining of this pregnancy, pregnancy is rough and even rougher when you have little to no support.

Rsplendid
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:35 PM

I have actually contacted this agency called American Adoption and they sent me a packet to begin the procedure in the event that I decide to go through with it. I even spoke with an adoption counselor over the phone that actually gave her child up when she was younger. It was very encouraging to hear from someone that had already walked in my shoes. I am so indecisive though about my ULTIMATE decision, but know that being a single mother is something that I could not handle. I am grateful to GOD for my best friend though who is very supportive and lives with me. I also have a couple of other resource centers that offer services to pregnant women.

TempestRayne
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:45 PM
I think you should sit down and figure out what you would have to do to raise this baby on your own and see if you can do it. Don't even consider help from by our BD, and you will get a realistic picture of what life will be like.
tiffa5ny
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think we can answer that for you. It's something that you would have to decide. If you know you can't handle being a single parent maybe adoption is the best choice. As a woman that had issues concieving, I can tell you that there is a family out there praying for a baby, and you could make their dreams come true while still giving your child a better life.

But you have to ask yourself if it is something that you will regret later on in life. You may not think so now, but you will probably struggle emotionally for a long time after giving up your baby.

Whatever decision you make is perfectly fine, you just have to decide for the right reasons and be aware of the impact it will make on both you and baby. Good luck mama.

FutureCooper118
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 3:27 PM
2 moms liked this

 The relationship I'm not touching.. sounds screwy.
As far as adoption- If that's what you decide, good for you! It's not an easy decision, and will only become harder the closer you get to the due date. But I am for this over abortion and admire your strength in being able to do that.

Back when I was 18 and thought I had it all figured out I told my mom I wanted to start having kids at 26 because I just thought that was the "perfect" age. She would laugh at me and tell me "kids are what happen when you're too busy making plans". They really do have their own time frame! And while in your mind it's not ideal or you haven't accomplished EVERYTHING you've wanted-- it could also be just what you needed. 

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