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"If people would just discipline their kids"

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:43 PM
  • 11 Replies

 I'll do my best to make sense. But I'm so irritated, so angry. 

I'm 28 almost 29 years old. I have a 6 yr old ds, 7 in may, and an almost 4 month old ds. My 6 yr old is a wonderful child. He's very loving, very sweet, very outgoing and extremely impulsive. In too many ways, he's his father. (his father was diagnosed adhd at age 9) The impulsivity is becoming a problem. For example, "Son. please pick up your toys and put them in your room" He physically fights the urge to do what he is told. It's like watching the dream of yourself knowing you need to run but you can't. When he's excited he is the child that unfortunately gets in your face, knowing that he should keep his boundaries. My son is not a bad kid, he just has issues controlling his own impulses.

So, while getting my husbands hair cut after school today, my son couldn't sit still, I talked to him multiple times, I took him outside to burn energy, still, he was unable to keep himself together. This was clearly room for a "mature" lady to mumble, "some people need to discipline their kids". I was livid. Too livid to say anything, I just grabbed my kids, and waited in the car. When we got home, my son lost his privileges for the evening. We have been working with him, we have the school aware of this and have him being evaluated to find out what options we will have for him. 

I discipline my child! I tell him no, he gets things taken away, he gets time outs, grounded and loss of privileges and fun activities. I teach him right from wrong, I have been working with him on proper behavior, I encourage him to do good. He's rewarded for the good, disciplined for the bad, I do everything in my power to help my child to become a better person. Excuse me for not screaming and spanking my child in your presents for you to know that I am doing the best that I FUCKING CAN!

I am here, day in and day out working with my child. I love my son more then anything on this earth and I am very well aware of his issues. Why is a child with "control" issues a result of bad parenting? Why is it as humans, we always blame the parents? I know a shitty parent or 2 with amazing kids. I know a few great parents who have issues just like I do with their kids. When you see a parent, doing the best they can with what they are given, shouldn't we be praising them for trying, instead of tearing them down because they are unsuccessful?

Rant over

CafeMom Tickers

by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:28 AM

EH I have gotten those comments as well and i blow them off since I know I am doing what is right for my child.  Those on the outside looking in really do not know what is going on for their young minds.   I just have an high energy child so when we go somewhere she needs to sit still she has toys and a coloring book to occupy herself.   When do you get his evaluationi stuff back?

by Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:57 AM

I know exactly how your feeling my daughter is only 3 but she has an attitude you wouldn't believe and I am doing everything I can to get her behavior under control but I have gotten many comments and it's just like ya know what your not in my life you don't see what I do don't judge me!!! 

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 7:43 AM
Some people misinterpret the signs of a child struggling with self control due to quirky wiring as one struggling with self control due to lazy parenting. That's no excuse for being rude though.

Keep doing what is right for your family and maintain consistent discipline as it looks in your household. Take the rude comments as what they are, the verbal flatulence of an unhappy soul. y
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 9:10 AM

 My son is the same way, and trust me...I have gotten those comments too. It is hard to keep my mouth shut and display good behavior to my kids when that happens. Bottom line...I know my child, and I know the struggles we have gone through
(are still going through) with him. Those strangers don't. I very rarely spank anymore simply because it does not work with him. Yet, that is what "some" people think the magic cure all is. Just spank and beat the child into submission. You say it doesn't work? Well obviously your not hitting them hard enough or often enough (I actually had some idiot tell me that!). That is what some people believe. They fail to realize I have no desire to "break" my child, or make my child afraid of me. I want them to make right choices because they know its right....because they want to. Not because they are afraid of getting hit.

On a side note, I find that bringing a bag full of different activities that he enjoys helps. DS is 5, and still needs to be reminded....all the sit while he is doing something, but it helps. We also do a "checks" reward system. They earn checks for good behavior/helping out, and lose checks for bad behavior. At the end of the week they get to go to the "check store". They can trade in checks for like candy, extra screen time, etc.

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 9:16 AM
My DS has behaviour problems as well that we are working hard to get under control. I just give others an apologetic smile if he chucks a tantrum in public, and keep walking to the car ect. They can think what they like
by Jessica on Feb. 19, 2014 at 9:16 AM
You know what ,we need to just please ourselves and let everyone think what they want,im the opposite,I have 4 boys (8,6,4,8m) and I am Very strict and I get told all the time to let them "be kids" and run around and get dirty and have fun,so we can never please people,especially "mature" people.
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 11:08 AM
I have a kiddo with autism. I have dealt with similar things and I know exactly how you feel. I seriously had to fight going up to a woman and beating her senseless. Not because I did not want to go to jail-but because she was pregnant.
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 4:17 PM
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I am in the same boat only what your son is doing at 6 my son has been doing since he was 1 and he is 3 now. my boy doesn't just stop with bouncing off the walls though he refuses to eat, refuses to clean up his toys (would rather get a swat then pick up), doesn't want to sleep (have to give him melatonin to get him to calm down enough to sleep), won't nap, doesn't listen, ect. we are having to go to a child psychologist next week to see if they think they can help us or if we need to see a pediatric neurologist or a different specialist. I feel just like you do I have had strangers tell me my son is out of control, that i should be ashamed for not being a good parent and that it must be all my fault because I do not decipline, I have people stare at us and whisper to the people they are with ect makes me feel hummiliated, embarassed and just piseed.

by Nikki on Feb. 19, 2014 at 5:03 PM

I'm sorry you had such a difficult day. My son is 5 and we are working on getting him a diagnosis and he acts out in public from time to time. I get dirty looks but I have learned to ignore it and blow it off. I hope tomorrow is better.

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 5:32 PM
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People who don't have or know kids with ADHD well enough to understand it always think it's a cop-out used by lazy parents to excuse their kids' behavior. I used to be one of these people so I know darned good and well exactly what's running through their minds.

Then, my niece came along. For the last 9 years I've slowly come to understand exactly what ADHD is and how it differs from a simple abundance of energy. I've watched my sister struggle for 9 years with this same group of ignorant people who think that just because their kid is a perfect little angel in public that all kids are capable of the same self control. I know she still gets the comments and she ignores them as best she can attributing it to sheer ignorance and lack of self control on their part. If they had the same self control they want to see in these kids they'd know to keep their mouth shut because blurting out un-invited "advice" is just as bad. 

I know you said your son hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD. I don't want to label him as something he isn't. Just know that you are not alone and there will always be the ignorant crowd who simply doesn't understand that all kids are not created equal and have no qualms about voicing that. If all kids were created equal we'd live in a pretty boring universe.

Stay strong and remember, THEY are the ones with self control issues because your child is just that, a child. THEY are adults who should know better.

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