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Unwanted Cruise and gotta leave my kids behind!

Posted by on Apr. 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM
  • 22 Replies

I never thought I would say this ladies but... I am going on a cruise vacation for 5 days and I do NOT want to go. As much as I need this I just can not cope with the thought of leaving my children (3 1/2 and 7 months) behind that long. Originally, we planned this over a year ago. When we were making this trip to get away I only had my son and my daughter was not even a possiblity yet. Unfortunately our plans got put on hold because I found out I was pregnant and my fiance got a new job with the post office so the cruise line extended it for us but would not refund our money. So 7 months after she is born I am now forced to go on this cruise because 1) my fiance has never been on one and would be devistated if I did not go 2) 800 dollars out the window, which does not bother me, but again my fiance would be devistated 3) We really actually kind of need this time together, I just wish it was not so long or far away.

SO, with that being said I am also Autistic so I have to plan everything waaaaaay ahead of time thats me, my trip, my daughter and what she needs and my son and what he needs and not to mention all the moving and MRI's and my sons Autism Evaluation results going on the week we get back! I have TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE and I am losing my cool and my ability to keep from being upset or overwhelmed.

I want to know, would it be WRONG for me to beg my "mother in law" to stay over MY house so the kids are comfortable and I am comfortable and able to enjoy my vacation? She wont stay the night and I am not fond of her house because the pool and she sews so their are always little things laying around (though she trys really hard to keep things tidy when the kids are over) I just feel scared and I can control whats at my house and whats safe for them, i can not do that at her house and it terrifies me and I KNOW it will make my vacation almost pointless and miserable for my fiance. I keep having panic attacks just by thinking of how much I have to prepare and bring 5 days worth of stuff to her house and its just overwhelming. I was going to offer to fill the fridge and cabinets with foods of her choice and to leave money for anything she wanted to do with the kids, I was going to make up the futone and keep the house completely clean and clear for her and the childrens saftey.

Is it wrong for me to NEED this from her?

by on Apr. 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RUMyMummy
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 2:22 AM
It seems like a no brainer for her to keep the kids in their own environment rather than uproot them with you gone. Have you discussed it with her? .
amijustlookin
by on Apr. 13, 2014 at 2:29 AM

I slide it in during a conversation a few months ago when I found out it was a 5 day cruise instead of a 3 day cruise and she said "oh well i can bring them over here but I am not staying" and then i just kind of stopped and did not mention it again. She did not say it like that word for word but thats the gist of what she said.

Quoting RUMyMummy: It seems like a no brainer for her to keep the kids in their own environment rather than uproot them with you gone. Have you discussed it with her? .


Rotorkitty
by Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 2:33 AM
Never hurts to ask again and be direct about it. Let her know your worries and fears. But in this predicament you're kind of at her mercy. Sounds like she's fine having them at your house during the day but she wants to be in her own home at night. Maybe a compromise that she stays a few nights at your home and a few at hers if she's not comfortable?
RUMyMummy
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 2:35 AM
Could your husband sweet talk her into it? I would emphasize the fact that it's going to be the easiest on the kids and that they'll probably be easier to deal with at home.

Quoting amijustlookin:

I slide it in during a conversation a few months ago when I found out it was a 5 day cruise instead of a 3 day cruise and she said "oh well i can bring them over here but I am not staying" and then i just kind of stopped and did not mention it again. She did not say it like that word for word but thats the gist of what she said.

Quoting RUMyMummy: It seems like a no brainer for her to keep the kids in their own environment rather than uproot them with you gone. Have you discussed it with her? .

erin708
by Silver Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 9:30 AM
I would have ur dh talk to her but if she doesn't want to stay u have to be ok with that. Maybe she can bring them over during the day and just sleep at her house at night.
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mama2b100808
by Mandy on Apr. 13, 2014 at 12:09 PM
My mother in law would watch my daughter at my house if I was gone for that long. But if it was me my daughter would be going on a cruise with us. But that is just how my husband and I are. We love vacations with our daughter. But to make you and your children comfortable she should stay at your home.
amijustlookin
by on Apr. 13, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Well this comment just made me feel awful. I dont want to go. I said that. I only am going to make him happy. I would rather go as a family. I always want to take me kids everywhere but he wants to be an adult and we cant do that with kids. I dont mind going out at night after the kids are asleep but I dont think I can handle being away for this long. I hate it. HATE it. I feel trapped. I dont want to disappoint him but I wish he never booked the dang thing. I am all for loosing 800 dollars.

Quoting mama2b100808: My mother in law would watch my daughter at my house if I was gone for that long. But if it was me my daughter would be going on a cruise with us. But that is just how my husband and I are. We love vacations with our daughter. But to make you and your children comfortable she should stay at your home.


amijustlookin
by on Apr. 13, 2014 at 6:22 PM

My son is not good with back and fourth, its really hard for him and she also has his sisters kid to watch on tuesdays and thursdays. My house is like a preschool. I have everything here that my kids love and his cousin loves and its HER house!! Its not even mine, we just live here now. She raised her kids in this house and it is silly how she avoids it like the pleage but I guess its the change I did to it. But seriuosly, I just want to make it easy on the kids and my daughter is crawling and her house is filled with things that she could choke on or get into. It scares me and she sews and last time we were there my son found a thimble like thing with needles in it under the table the kids play at! I dont feel comfortable. I know whats in my house and I know my kids will be more safe here. I just dont want to go and deal with any of this. I just want to stay home.

Quoting Rotorkitty: Never hurts to ask again and be direct about it. Let her know your worries and fears. But in this predicament you're kind of at her mercy. Sounds like she's fine having them at your house during the day but she wants to be in her own home at night. Maybe a compromise that she stays a few nights at your home and a few at hers if she's not comfortable?


cali_gurl
by on Apr. 13, 2014 at 6:24 PM

I don't think you are wrong at all. I would ask my mom to stay at my house in a heartbeat if it made the difference between me enjoying my vacation or not. I hope you have a good relationship with MIL. Try your best to let go and have FUN on your cruise!!

Thomas_11
by on Apr. 13, 2014 at 7:20 PM
Why don't you tell your husband what you need to enjoy the cruise. Let him know that you are feeling overwhelmed and he needs to take on some of the tasks or the cruise will not happen.

I wouldn't want to spend 5 days in someone elses house either. She is doing you a favor. You can't ask to much of her. She also raised a child so she knows something about child care. It is only 5 days. Think of it as special grandma time.

Stop thinking of it as for him and think about it as for the both of you. Don't think about what you have to do, think of the fun you and your DH are going to have.
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