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Am I Being Selfish?

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:41 PM
  • 9 Replies

First off I would like to apologize because this is bound to be a long post. I need advice from my fellow Mommies.

I am 24 and have been with my fiancee, who will be soon be 32, for a little over two years. He has an 11 year old son (who lives with us) and his son's 8 year old sister (who is not his biological child) lives with us as well because their mom has drug and domestic violence issues. I have a soon to be 6 year old son and we have a 6 week old together. I hate to say this but the relationship that I have, or don't have, with his son's sister is taking a major toll on our relationship. She is very disrespectful to me and she is terrible to my son. She only does these things when my fiancee is not here. I know I maybe terrible for saying this, but I have put up with it for as long as I can. I have tried absolutely everything. I know they are both going through a lot and I treat them with as much, if not more, love as I do my own two children. Recently I have been so stressed I have considered leaving him. I love him and it would absolutely crush me if it came to this, but I can't take it anymore. I miss the days when it was just our boys before she came to live with us. Our sons got a long so well. Now the two of them are always trying to gang up on my son when my fiancee isn't here. Someone please tell me what to do. I'm so lost!!

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:41 PM
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Replies (1-9):
BlackBarbie1989
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:49 PM
Sounds like you need to sit down with your partner and be completely honest with him about how you feel so that way the both you guys can figure out what's the best solution for yall family at this point
MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:18 PM

Have you discussed her living elsewhere?

k9l1c5
by on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree. You all need to talk about it and you need to be honest. If he doesn't know that her living there is making you feel this way then he can't try to do anything make a better decision for your family. Great relationships go through the good and the very bad, but communication is key to make it through it all together.

Quoting BlackBarbie1989: Sounds like you need to sit down with your partner and be completely honest with him about how you feel so that way the both you guys can figure out what's the best solution for yall family at this point
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JasonsMommy215
by Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 7:41 AM

We have talked about it numerous times and we can't come up with a solution. He thinks she needs to be sent somewhere else because her attitude towards me is getting worse, but I don't want to seperate her from her brother. There really isn't anywhere else for her to live. Her school called one day and said they were either going to place her with us or put her in foster care. I didn't hesitate to go to the school pick her up and bring her home with me. I know she doesn't understand, but it is very hurtful that I do everything I can for her and I am treated like the bad guy.

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 7:53 AM

At 8, she could probably understand if you sit her down and talk to her.

Tell her how it makes you feel (using terminology that an 8 year old can understand) 

Then sit down with her and her father and set up boundaries and rules for the house. If you haven't already done this. If you have, then going over them again might help some.

She needs to understand that her behavior isn't good and it won't be tolerated. I know that you know she picked this up from her mom. 

Consistency and being strict about everything that you don't like and will not tolerate is what I would recommend. 

That doesn't mean that you don't play with her and love her and do things with her. Just when she exhibits this behavior you are strict about it.

Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this
This but I'm also suggesting counseling. Everything with her mom, then add in that she's living with people who aren't even her 'real parents'. You aren't her brothers 'real mom' so it's easier to lash out against you than his dad. Mom's gone, you'll leave too bc everyone leaves mentality.

Gl.


Quoting Basherte:

At 8, she could probably understand if you sit her down and talk to her.

Tell her how it makes you feel (using terminology that an 8 year old can understand) 

Then sit down with her and her father and set up boundaries and rules for the house. If you haven't already done this. If you have, then going over them again might help some.

She needs to understand that her behavior isn't good and it won't be tolerated. I know that you know she picked this up from her mom. 

Consistency and being strict about everything that you don't like and will not tolerate is what I would recommend. 

That doesn't mean that you don't play with her and love her and do things with her. Just when she exhibits this behavior you are strict about it.

beadingmom17
by on Jan. 21, 2015 at 8:07 AM
Counseling!!!!
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mama2b100808
by Mandy on Jan. 21, 2015 at 8:31 AM

I would video tape some of the stuff they do to him and get their dad to see what you are dealing with. 

JasonsMommy215
by Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 9:53 AM

I have been in contact with CPS about counseling. She has been here since October and they still haven't started. Hopefully they will get something started soon. We are having a family meeting today when everyone gets home. I hope something gets resolved...

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