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My mother-in-law is starting to scare me...advice?

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:54 PM
  • 13 Replies

It is such a long story that I'm sure people wouldn't care to listen to, but basicly I honestly think my MIL has some kind of mental illness.  I can't begin to imagine why else she would act the way she does.

I have so many stories, but the worst things revolve around our daughter.  My MIL always wanted a daughter, but had three boys.  She actually dressed my brother-in-law up as a girl until he was old enough you could tell he was a boy.  She was abusive and  kicked my husband in the stomach so hard one time she had to take him to the ER and she would throw things, beat them with things...it was abuse, even though she says it wasn't. 

My MIL stole my husband's credit right before we were married and charged $7,000 on it before my hubby found it.  And then she left us to pay it off.  We should have prosecuted her, but we didn't...she is very manipulative and somehow convinced us not to...but I think this also shows she doesn't know right from wrong.

But like I said, she always wanted a girl and because of the narcotics she takes (and many other things), we don't allow her to see her granddaughter...but sometimes she sits outside my house when the babysitter is there (me and hubby work split shifts and use a babysitter for 2 hours a day) and she leaves when I get home.  She calls the house to talk to my daughter when I'm not there...just other things that are getting me worried.  She tries to get contact with my daughter when I'm not there...something just isn't right with that.

I talked to the police about possibly getting a restraining order for my daughter against my MIL.  They think it sounds like she is abusing drugs...and I agree.  She constantly harrasses us by phone, text message, coming to our house, calling all our friends and family and starting rumors about us...I honestly can't take it anymore.

I hate the thought of starting legal proceedings against her...but if we have to we will.  I don't want to drag my daughter through all that...with no guarantee of winning...we have never documented what she does to us...it would be our word against hers....but what if she would try to take my child?  I worry about it...I feel like it is that mother's intuition thing...that she might try to take her....I don't know....

So basically I just rambled on and on...but I was hoping a third party persepctive on this situation would shed some light on what we should do...

Yesterday when my MIL started calling, I told her not to contact any of us ever again or we would contact the police....she hasn't called since...so maybe that scared her into leaving us alone???

Help please. =(

**I wanted to add that my husband and I know she wouldn't be able to take custody of her...I'm meaning taking as in kidnapping her.**

by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MAXnBRYCESmom
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:56 PM

Call the cops next time she is sitting out there, and get a restraining order. You can also call the health department if you think she is that mentally ill.

~ Annie~

Wife to Nick ~ June 16, 2002

Mother to Bryce Thomas ~ April 11, 2005

Mother to Maximus James ~ December 21, 2007





minimom11107
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:58 PM

She does sound creepy and like an influence I would NOT want my daughter around. A mother's instinct is VERY powerful and I think you should follow it. I agree with the whole wanting a daughter and never getting one, then basically stalking her grand daughter, sounds like she might one day try to take her as her own.

chelseafleming7
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:58 PM

Start documenting EVERYTHING, you won't be able to get a TPO without at least some evidence, time she called, duration of the call, what was said, have the baby sitter write down times MIL was there, how long she stayed, and have her wrtie and affidavit to take to court with you.  Because your child is young usually they will extend a TPO for at least a year, but it depends on the situation.

SweetPea05
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:59 PM

this is really good advice.

And for her taking your daughter... unless you and your hubby are neglectful or abusive or using drugs she wouldnt have a leg to stand on to take her. You said you both are working so it sounds like you are financially stable (as much as is possible in this country). I wouldnt worry about her taking your daughter, just focus on keeping her away she sounds like a toxic person! Good luck!

Quoting MAXnBRYCESmom:

Call the cops next time she is sitting out there, and get a restraining order. You can also call the health department if you think she is that mentally ill.


missi52407
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 12:59 PM

my mil is mentally ill..i feel for ya...but sometimes the best thing to do is tough love...you have to do whats best for your daughter...if that means a restraining order then do it..

miriamz
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 1:00 PM

Don't wait for her to kidnap your daughter because it may come down to that. Trust your instincts and best of luck.

Too Short

wintersmom_nc
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 1:02 PM

I agree with the other post about calling the cops when shes outside your house. Have the babysitter do it since she is the one who is there for the entire stalking. I'm guessing you've talked to the babysitter about ur MIL she knows she isnt to come in the house right? Make sure shes up to date on the recent info about the situation because if ur MIL is very maniupliative then she might convince the babysitter to let her in and who knows what might happen then.
I hope everything works out, but if worse comes to worse call the cops you have to protect your family from her and possibly her from herself!

 

Jordansmom86
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 1:02 PM

IF you had to go through the court system what would make you think that the courts would give her legal standing for parental rights?? Shes crazy, I would do everything you can to keep her away from your family.

kristinaleann
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 1:04 PM

i agree with this.. i would have your baby sitter call the cops, and you and dh every time the she sees her sitting our side your house.. i would also get a restraining order against her. you never know what kind of crazy thing that she will do...

i dont want to scare you, but if your dd sleeps in her own room that has windows i would get an alarm or something put on that window.  you never know if she will try to break the window to get your daughter. from the sounds of things she is capable of doing anything....

 i cant imagine what you are going through.. what about moving and not letting her know where you are moving too. if that is an option even if it is just 5 min from where you live. she sound very creepy to me.. i hope that all works out for yall

Quoting miriamz:

Don't wait for her to kidnap your daughter because it may come down to that. Trust your instincts and best of luck.


AHJN
by on Sep. 10, 2008 at 1:06 PM

start documenting the calls and when she shows up.  Have the babysitter make note of when she arrives and when she leaves (the mil).  When she calls let the machine pick it up and save the messages. 

There is no way she is going to be able to take your child- no way at all!!  Just keep track of all of it and then get a restraining order.  Obviously your child doesn't see your mil as it is, so keep it that way.  It won't have a negative affect on her if you maintain the status quo.

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