Church Nursery Woes (Sorry, long!)

[Vanessa710]

Hey, ladies! I need some advice. I'm really struggling with my church nursery. My DH & I attend an awesome church with our 2 year old DS.
So, here's my issue. My DS, who I stay at home with, has never been in any type of day-care situation. He's very attached to his mommy & daddy & has only every stayed with my DH's parents.
From the time our DS was born, we always took him to the church service with us. We enjoyed holding him & didn't really feel comfortable leaving him in the nursery. We always figured we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
Well, here we are! Obviously it is very difficult for a 2 year old to sit quietly through a hour & a half long service.
So we started taking him to the nursery. His class is for 2 to 3 and a half year olds. We thought maybe we would take turns going into his class with him for a few weeks until he felt comfortable enough & familiar with it.
But the problem there is never a consistent teacher. So each time our DS meets a new teacher, he's not able to develop any kind of relationship with the caregiver. And, there is always at least 12 to 15 toddlers in the class, with only ONE teacher. I don't think this is even legal! One time I took our DS to his class & the teacher, who looked like she couldn't have been more than 17 years old, had 13 toddlers to care for! I was so angry & frustrated! It seems like all the teacher does is change diapers, wipe noses & break-up fights over sharing toys. There is no loving interaction or nurturing happening. I feel there is no way I can leave my child in this sort of care & yet somehow 13 other parents have found no problem dropping their children off? Am I the freak parent? Because it feels that way. Especially after I expressed my concerns with our children's pastor. She suggested that I just allow my DS get used to the situation. That he may cry after I leave him in the nursery a few times, but eventually he would get used to it & start playing with the other children, when he started to learn that mommy will come back & get him after a couple hours. She tried to empathize with me by telling me her toddler always fusses a little when she leaves him in the nursery.
I don't know what to do, because my DH & I really enjoy everything else about the church, but we are at the point of looking for another church. Plus, we're expecting baby #2 in October. How are we going to wrangle our 2 year old & a nursing newborn during church services?

[Jodee]

We have never left Logan with any sitter/daycare worker either  (he is 18 months) I just don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone other then my husband or myself. My Mom has asked us to take him to her church and let him be in a playgroup, but i have a hard time letting him go on his own...she volunteered to go in with him and even that i said no to because she has never watched Logan one on one before..............So unfortunately I don't have any good advice because I will be in the same situation soon.
Just know you are not alone, I think when we raise our children the AP way we have a little bit harder time letting them go, at least that seems to be what I am feeling.
Good Luck

[momandstepmom]

if i were in your shoes i wouldn't feel comfortable either.  sorry i don't have an answer for you. could you and your husband take turns staying with him. i think that it is horrendous that they have that many toddlers with only 1 caregiver.

[Xakana]

Quoting Vanessa710:

And, there is always at least 12 to 15 toddlers in the class, with only ONE teacher. I don't think this is even legal! One time I took our DS to his class & the teacher, who looked like she couldn't have been more than 17 years old, had 13 toddlers to care for! I was so angry & frustrated! It seems like all the teacher does is change diapers, wipe noses & break-up fights over sharing toys.

You hit the nail on the head--that's illegal. The law states (in most states at least) that no more than a 1 adult-10 kid ratio is allowed in daycare. Not sure if churches get to violate that law, but I don't see why they would.

I would NOT leave my child there. And being the 'freak parent' is not a bad thing in this country, when the norm is to leave your child to cry when they need you, prop bottles, leave them in daycare even when you could spend that time with them and hit them for every transgression. Not how I'd want my kids growing up and I'm shocked that so many people do it.

Follow your instincts. Church is supposed to be a place of peace and communion with God, not a place for your child to be miserable. Is that how you want him to associate church? Is that the kind of social interaction you want him to have? It seems you've already said no and I totally support that. There is nothing wrong with saying "I love my church, but it doesn't love my kids and they come first." After all, God doesn't pick just one church, right? Start interviewing churches, that's okay. And I hope you find the perfect one!

Take my advice as you will--my daughter will never be in daycare. I am there at her playgroups and she will never cry with a stranger until she has to 'get over it'. It's just not going to happen. Besides, I've worked in daycare, I've seen what happens in that kind of place, especially toddler rooms. I will never subject my child to that.

[jody7847]

yeah here is my horror story -

I HATE DAYCARES FOR THIS REASON...  my daughter went to la petite Academy for 2 mos while i was in the military.. I was a single parent, due to my husband being deployed as well and had nobody else to watch her. They had a couple toddlers there that would hang on the door knobs after the parents left and they would just SCREAM for their moms or dads. The teacher just sat at the little table and continued doing her paperwork or whatever, not even lift an eye to see what was going on. It completely broke my heart!!!  I did tell the director.

Haylie she was coming home with bite marks on her arms a couple times, I asked the teacher and they seemed to not have a clue. She apparently was "biting herself". yeah right, effin a-holes. The teeth didn't match up with what she had in her mouth. Also, She was coming home with various injury reports, etc. No way Jose, she was DONE. I pulled her outta there faster than a fish on a hook, just in time for DH to get back and he took over care.

[Xakana]

Man, that sucks. I quit because I was sick of seeing the teachers yanking the toddlers around by one arm, knocking them to the floor, etc. (not actually HITTING them, just yanking them around). They'd be so frustrated and overwhelmed having nearly 10  toddlers in there that they became real jerks. And I only spent one day in the toddler room, but I still would see it when passing by...