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I feel like I'm fading away in sadness!

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:19 AM
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My 20 yr. old died 1 1/2 yrs. ago and it kills me everyday not to have him with us! He left his 14 yr. old brother-whom I'm worried about and a beautiful 9 yr. old sister.I just don't get it,he had everything a young man could want and more.He traveled and did more in 20 yrs,than most grown ups.I work in a nursing home with people begging for death and there still here!I'm losing faith everyday..he was like my twin,and I'm dying inside.Please help!The rest of the family seems to be coping well and it pisses me off!Like nothing happened?Holidays suck and are fake for my other childre and they know it,I'm just alive and that's all ! HELP!!!

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-8):
greeneyes42055
by Group Owner on Feb. 5, 2009 at 6:38 PM

Hi,

I sent a personal message to you...(email) but I wanted to tell you again how sorry I am for your loss.  I hear the pain in every word of your post.  I have been there and I know what it is like. 

I am glad that you joined the group.  We are here to help you...let us know if there is anything that we can do to help.  Please feel free to post and reply, vent, etc.  We understand.  Also, if you would like to share your story and a picture of your son, you can do that too.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; And saves those who are crushed in spirit".  Psalm 34:18  My favorite verse.

Jesus Heals Broken Hearts...my favorite phrase...a very true phrase.

May you have a wonderful, peaceful night.  May God's blessings be upon you.

Love and Hugz,
Karen
 


A friend loves at all times...
                     
Proverbs 17: 17

sewinggrandma
by Member on Feb. 5, 2009 at 7:39 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost a 20-year-old son, too.  I could have written your post.  We have a lot in common - especially the questions.  My son was the one I was closest to out of my four sons.  He would go shopping with me.  He was the most affectionate.  He had the best sense of humor.  We were such good friends.  In the two weeks before his death, he led 10 boys to Christ.  He wanted to be a youth pastor.  Why would God take someone who was being so effective at showing Christ's love?  My mother-in-law has been in a nursing home for five years with Alzheimers, unable to do anything.  My mom passed away after the same thing, at the age of 90.  Does that make any sense at all?

His younger brother has had health and emotional issues ever since.  His oldest brother struggles with anxiety and sleep disorder.  His next oldest brother acts like nothing happened.  Holidays are the worst.  I fake my way through them for the sake of my grandchildren.

On March 13, 2009 it will be 10 years.  Ten years!  It sure doesn't seem like it.  I cry every day - but I laugh, too.  You will find pleasure in life again, but it will be bittersweet.  I can genuinely worship again.  I can look forward to things.  I can even forget for short periods of time.  The best description I ever heard of life after losing a child is "it's like going to a party with a toothache."  You will get to that place.

The thing that helped me the most - the only minutes of peace I experienced for two years - was when I met with another woman who had lost her 20-year-old son four years previously.  We got together once a week.  She made me believe I wasn't going crazy, and that I could make it when I was sure I couldn't.  If there is any way I can be of help to you, I would be honored.

I will be praying for you.

Jan


Jan M.
vernut
by Member on Feb. 5, 2009 at 8:15 PM

I can sympathize with your pain only I lost a dauther when she was 10.  It will be  2 years for me in April.  I am here if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

lunchboxsmom1
by New Member on Feb. 5, 2009 at 11:13 PM

HI MY NAME IS ANGIE AND I LOST MY ONLY SON HE WAS 18 IN A CAR WERCK AND I ALSO WORK AT A  NURSING HOME AS A CNA IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 2 YEARS IN APRIL IF YOU NEED TO TALK I FEEL YOURE PAIN AND I HAVE BEEN THERE AND ARE STILL THERE PLEASE LETS TALK I HERE FOR YOU ANGIE

JoyceAnn53
by Member on Feb. 26, 2009 at 5:49 AM

Dear Zoe,

I am so sorry about your son.  I too lost my 20 yr. old son...my only son...to a car accident 3/20/2003, so we will soon be observing 6 years.  It is so hard to believe it has been that long...it feels sometimes like yesterday.  I like the description one sister used "like going to a party with a toothache".   My description has always been...my heart has a scab on it.  Every once in awhile the scab gets picked and it starts to bleed....but then it heals over again....until the next time it gets picked.  It may be a cliche', but time is truly a healer.  Will you forget? NEVER!  Will it always hurt as bad as it does now?  NO!  The ache and longing will always be there...but the degree to which you can function through it gets better with time.  Often the pain turns to fond memories of his laughter, his smile, his friends, our last conversation...but seldom the intenseness of those first years.  Yes I cry at the drop of a hat when certain songs play, or a certain scene happens on TV, or I watch another mother and her young adult son interact.....but that anger and desperate despair has been replaced with the joy of knowing I will see my son again.  I too question why God's timing is the way it is...I am a nurse and see some really pitiful people that could use the peaceful rest of death....but why my son so young? I truly believe everything happens for a reason and in God's perfect timing...I may not know this side of heaven why...but I will someday.  But until then....I will just keep trusting God.  Is it easy? NO!  I have been in counceling twice and it helps...I recommend it.  I have PTSD from it all and am on medication for that....but God is still in control!  We all will handle the loss of our children differently...but one sure thing...we are all changed forever.  I too have another child who was and still it deeply affected.  We are still mothers to those children, and need to be "present" for them.

God bless all of you, my dear sisters.

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.... 

greeneyes42055
by Group Owner on Feb. 26, 2009 at 9:32 AM


Quoting JoyceAnn53:

Dear Zoe,

I am so sorry about your son.  I too lost my 20 yr. old son...my only son...to a car accident 3/20/2003, so we will soon be observing 6 years.  It is so hard to believe it has been that long...it feels sometimes like yesterday.  I like the description one sister used "like going to a party with a toothache".   My description has always been...my heart has a scab on it. 


I too lost my son in a car accident...he was only 17.  His date is coming up 3/19/2002.  Our dates are almost the same.  1 year and 1 day different.  I am doing a March For Safety...you probably have seen it mentioned in the group.  I am doing this in honor and memory of my son Jonathan and all of the teens who have tragically lost their lives in our area.  It is also an event to raise safety awareness.  Florida is a state that has lots of activity involving drinking because everyone comes here for springbreak and to vacation...and they love to drink.

My saying is this:  There are no words in the dictionary to describe the pain of losing a child.

But, Jesus heals broken hearts and that is what I try to tell others who have lost children.  If you give your heart to Jesus and you accept him as your savior...you will see your child again in Heaven.   I am looking forward to that...I can't wait!

Thank you for sharing your story about your son.

I will remember you and your son especially on the day of the March For Safety when I remember all of the precious sons and daughters who are in heaven with Jesus.

Love and Blessings,
Karen


A friend loves at all times...
                     
Proverbs 17: 17

JoyceAnn53
by Member on Mar. 1, 2009 at 1:06 AM

Thank you Karen. 

greeneyes42055
by Group Owner on Mar. 24, 2009 at 9:21 AM

Thank you all for being here for each other and for being so strong.

One day we will meet Jesus, see our children and we will all know each other as the friends from cafe mom...smile...how sweet!

I can't wait!

Love you all,

Hugz,
Karen


A friend loves at all times...
                     
Proverbs 17: 17

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