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The Gentle Art of Confrontation

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 8:51 AM
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 The Gentle Art of Confrontation


But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ.Ephesians 4:15

 No family is without conflicts, and when we let conflicts simmer without confrontation, they have a habit of boiling over and affecting our spiritual lives.

William Wordsworth said: "He who has a good friend needs no mirror." Family members can learn to be each other's best friend by learning the gentle art of confrontation. Blessed is the marriage where both spouses feel the other is a good friend-one who will listen, reflect back, understand and work through whatever needs to be dealt with. Occasionally all this requires loving confrontation.

Of course, we must face the fact that some of us don't want to be confronted. Some people would rather be comfortable than Christlike. Many of Barbara's best statements to me are the ones that hurt a bit, but I need to hear them because they keep me on the right track.

Learning loving confrontation starts with love. As 1 Corinthians 13 points out, love expects the best of others. There's no way to confront someone else productively if you expect the worst or have a chip on your shoulder.

Loving confrontation is not nagging. It states its position without dragging it out for days. Being nagged at is no fun. Someone has said it's like being nibbled to death by a duck.

Christian confrontation doesn't accuse; it focuses on "I" language, with my saying plainly how I feel. It avoids "You" language, which inevitably sounds condemning. There's a world of difference between saying, "I really don't like arriving at church late-can I do something to help?" and "You always make us late!"

Also, keep in mind that the people you love, but need to confront, are not your enemies. Your mate is never your enemy. Christian confrontation requires that you speak the truth-but always in love.

Dear Heavenly Father,

To give me the courage to confront-lovingly-and for the wisdom to know how to speak the truth in love. Amen

Discuss: Areas of agitation you try to suppress in order to keep a smooth relationship. Are you being honest with yourself or those you love? When should you bring up a problem issue?

by on May. 24, 2009 at 8:51 AM
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wilswife
by Silver Member on May. 30, 2009 at 7:45 AM

Dear Heavenly Father,

To give me the courage to confront-lovingly-and for the wisdom to know how to speak the truth in love. Amen

Discuss: Areas of agitation you try to suppress in order to keep a smooth relationship. Are you being honest with yourself or those you love? When should you bring up a problem issue?

 

amen, this is one of the hardest areas for me,  although when i manage to actually do it, i feel like a huge weight got lifted, even though ive said my peace, i wait for the fall out, 

i think im terrified of confronting cause when i have in the past, admittedly i wasnt very eligant, or christ like, but God sure did deal w/ me,  so i dont incase im wrong, so i go a long time thinking, maybe i dont have a right to be angry, but then it oozes out anyway, which just adds more pain to the situation.  so i dont know when im supposed to confront, or when im supposed to overlook, which is just frusterating at the very least.

then the rare occasions when a 'righteous indignation' rises up and i'm matter of fact,  'those times i know it wasnt me, that was the Lord' usually cause im not even mad afterwards, no regrett, and it gets results. 

hmm also in approval addiction (just remembered) if the confrontation causes the relationship to end then they wernt really your friend in the first place, they just wanted to control.  it will be painful but it will bring peace to yours/mine soul.    still, much easier said then done. 

Genesis35
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2009 at 12:11 PM

Dear Heavenly Father,

To give me the courage to confront-lovingly-and for the wisdom to know how to speak the truth in love. Amen

 

Amen!!!

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