So I posted this on some othe groups and apsolutly NO RESPONSE. MAde me feel like the only crazy person in toen. Hopefully I will get a responce her. I don't know why I didn't goin this group sooner! Thanks for any and all help!
So I have a 15 month old daughter who I love dearly and we are wanting to have another baby sometime in the near future. Well with my daughter I had bad post pardum and I am TERIFIED of going through that again and putting my family through it again. It took us 3 or 4 months to figure out that that was what it was the 1st time. I started to go to a saport group and found out that my version was an anger/obsesive comulsive type. I would get angry about EVERYTHING and I was NEVER an angry person so it was very forein to me. I did not want to take meds so I found a great natural alternative that worked to help balance me, but it didn't subside completely till after my daugheter's 1st birthday. So when we were trying to get it under control I would get angry for no reason and have to hand my daughter to my husband so that I could storm out of the room so that I would not take it out on anyone. Which went ok, but I think it still afected my daughter because she is completely attached to him and there are times that she pushes me away screaming because I am near her and her Daddy. It makes me feel so unwated. I know that it is part developmental, but we have had some bonding issues because of the post pardum and it is very hard on everyone. And even though I know that I can start to take the same stuff I took last time right when I have the next child I am just sooooo scared that the same thing is going to happen and my next child is going to take a long time to bond with me.
So I was
wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing. And also has
anyone went through it and how did it go when they had another shild.
I NEVER hurt my child or husband, but kids can pick up energy and I
hate that there was soooo much anger in the household for the 1st year
and that she had to feel it. We are starting to bond well now that I am
back to my old happy self......I just don't want to become that other
person again. I always dreamed of having children and all the love that
they would recieve and I would alway try to do right by them and I
never imagined having that outcome for my child's 1st year. Also there
was the agony of people not understanding and trying to tell me to be
thankful for having a baby and all the terrible things I was doing to
her emotionaly with all the anger in the household.