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Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:25 PM
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Hi, I'm new to this group, my name is Barbra.  I have 5 children total.  Three of my own and 2 step children from my husbands previous marriage.  Like a lot of women, my children only know my husband as their father, with the exception of my daughter Hailee.  But they all call my husband Daddy.   He has started adoption proceedings and plans to commit himself to my children completely.  However, (isn't there always a "however")  sometimes I feel like he treats his children so much better then mine.  He lets his daughter get away with things he would never let mine get away with.  And he tries to blame it on the fact that his kids do not live with us full time(we have them two months, then they go to their mom's for two months and so on)but I say it's not my kids fault!!!  Their real father gave up parental rights a long time ago, so they never leave us, they are always with us.  I know he will not love my children the way he loves his own, just as I won't his.  But I make it a point to treat them all equal, and even he says that is true.  I don't let mine get away with something and not his.  I don't show mine special treatment, even if his aren't there.  I always feel like he is constantly on my kids backs for everything, but his can do no wrong!  Please give me any advice you can.  I'm sure there is someone else in this situation.
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:25 PM
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MrsHayleySmith
by New Member on Sep. 19, 2007 at 4:17 PM

Oh Barbara, I know all too well what you're feeling. I too am a newlywed mom with 4 of my own children. My husband has one daughter. She lives with her mom, but is at our house every morning before and after school, as well as every other weekend (Thurs.-Mon.) So, we have 5 kids total. My four live with us full time, however they visit their dad every other weekend (Fri.-Sun.)

My kids have fully accepted my husband and his daughter. I believe my husband loves my kids. However, his daughter is treated MUCH better than mine. She gets away with EVERYTHING. My kids get punished for doing things that she gets away with. It drives me NUTS and we fight about it constantly. It almost has caused a divorce only months after our marriage. He refuses to see that he does this, even though he's been told by myself, and my kids how much it bothers us.

I treat his daughter like one of my own. She has the same rules as my own kids. She resents me for this, as her dad spoils the heck out of her, so now, she doesn't like me because I won't let her get away with murder like he does. She will even make comments to my kids that she is "more special than my kids because he dad lets her do anything she wants" This hurts my kids alot. We've explained this to him, and he doesn't think he does anything wrong.

I do not know what to do with the situation. He says that he does let her get away with a little bit more because she doesn't live here. He says she is a "guest" in our home. She has her own bed, her own dresser, her own toys. She is DEFINATLY NOT a guest in this house. This is every much her house as it is mine. He says that if he upsets her, she will tell her mom she doesn't want to come see him anymore. I say it's not up to a 7 year old to decide who she wants to see. He is her dad, and they have a court order that says he gets his visitation, and he pays child support. Therefore wether she wants to come or not, she is required to. He says he doesn't want to make her unhappy. Well, he's setting himself up for trouble, because as she gets older, the spoiling and tantrums will only get worse. And in the meantime, my kids are resenting him, and his daughter. Which is making me resent him. I thought this was only happening to me. I had no idea that it was happening to others out there. If you find something that works, or someway to get through to your husband, please let me know! I'd like to give it a try!
~Hayley

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