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Ammends

Posted by on May. 7, 2007 at 6:14 PM
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I have been wanting to post something in here for awhile and I am just getting around to it. I could use some feedback friends.

There is a situation in my life that has been tormenting me for about 20 years. Being an alcoholic and addict of course I have stepped on some toes along the way. My problem is with my children. They seem to have a hard tme forgiving me. It has been such a heart breaking thing for me because I love them very much. The resentments that they hold are from a long time ago and I have spent all of this time trying to make ammends. At this time my youngest daughter is not speaking to me and I am not getting to see my grandchildren. It is like a dagger in my heart. This has been going on for a year.  So I picked up my big book the other day and started reading about how regardless of whether my family comes back or not I can still stay sober and have a happy life. I must place dependence upon God and not people. It was like it jumped out at me. I had forgotten that o many of the answers to my problems are addressed rightthere in the book. I also went to the page where it talks about our amends and how sometimes people will not accept our amends but as long as we know we are sorry and would make things right if we could  then it is ok. I realized that i have been punising myself because they would not accpt my ammends. I hae done everything I can to make up for everythng and so it is on them that we cannot have a relationship.
I wonder if any of you have had a similar experience.
by on May. 7, 2007 at 6:14 PM
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Replies (1-3):
Irishbutterfly
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:31 PM
I am an alcoholic and a child of alcoholics.  Being the child it was hard to forgive.  Hard because I did not understand how someone who was supposed to love me soo much could do this to me and my brothers and sisters.  It became easier for me to understand when I needed help myself.  But even before then I realized, my mom never stopped loing us, but in fact she was very sick.  She never intentionally set out to do all that occurred, but it could not be fixed either.  But thru her living each day sober I received the biggest ammends available.  SOmetimes our ammends are more then a deep felt I'm sorry.  Just by sitting back and watching them live sober is the best thing.  My mom has been sober for many years now and do I forget the past, no.  Do I fully get it, actually no even though I am an alcoholic I still do not understand all of her and where her disease had brought her, but do I forgive her, YES!!!  With all my heart.  It is harder when you and the family member are not talking but hopeefully thru time and maybe thru the words of other family members she will see you living ammends and hopefully reach out to you.  If not, remember our disease caused a lot of pain and she maybe be doing the best she can for today.  Just keep moving forward and pray.  Things will come around when they are supposed to.
Danine
by Group Owner on May. 8, 2007 at 11:26 AM
Hi Kitty thank you for your share. I think that the hardest thing to tell us to do is wait. Things get better in time and this to shall pass. It is hard as hell sometimes to wait it out and the big thing with the people that are closest to us is that they have a hard time trying to understand because they have no clue why we can't just quit. My husband is having real big problems with his kids that want nothening to do with him I mean my heart is so broke for him because he has lost so much to this disease and missed so much he has a hatred for the disease and that scares me we need to have respect for the disease. Resentments are the #1 thing that will surely make us drink again. So just be patient and remember nothening absolutely nothening happens in God's world by mistake. I know it isn't much for our type of people but it really is all we have and if you get out of your will and into his will all we soon fall into place on God's terms not yours. Sometimes waiting is the hardest part I know..
Faith without works is dead.
Love ya,
Danine
Kittyblanton
by Member on May. 9, 2007 at 10:40 AM
Thanks guys. I needed to hear what you had to say. It is hard to wait. I have a friend who used to say that God does not close one door without opening another but the time in the hallway is a bitch! Ain't it the truth? I have faith that God has this situation totally in his hands. I trust that it will work out exactly as he wants it to. I may not like the answer and I know that. The Big Book tells me that my family may not come back but that I can still stay sober and have a good life regardless as long as I turn to Him. So that is what I do on a daily basis. I have to believe that this is all for the good of everyone involved.  And who knows how it will turn out.
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