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Lookin for a place to start

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2010 at 3:29 AM
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recently I have had my two step sons places with my husband and I. I know personally that both (7 and 4) have been verbally abused and neglected by not being fed at times, unclean clothes, and so on. I know that the moms ex boyfriend had physically abused the 4 year old earlier this year when they were still together. I am also wondering if the 4 year old had been sexually abused as well because earlier this year I asked him to come to me so I cna check the size of his pants because they were obviously way to small for him (in fact 3 size too small) when I went to check the tag in the back he freaked out grabbed his clothes and screamed not to hurt him and to leave his clothes on him. After getting them I had been informed of some more colorful stuff including the mom would lock the 4 yr old in a car seat and place him in front of the tv and leave him there when she couldn't handle him anymore.

We had a custody battle a few months ago and the judge thought it was better to let mom have the kids. She has had the 4 yr old since birth but the 7 yr old has lived with my mom since 18 months. During these few months the 7 yr old has pretty much forgot any manners and responsibilities he had learned when being raised with my mom. As for the 4 yr old he is in a lot of areas behind (he will be 5 this weekend).He cannot get dressed by himself, brush his teeth, stopped talking months prior to us getting him (but started to talk non stop when we got him last week), unable to form sentences, unable to speak clearly it is still mostly baby babble, doesn't understand top or bottom or other terms, and some other things as well.

I am trying to find a place to start for them. I have appointment tomorrow so they can get referals to see councelors to help them through this. They have made some big improvements while they have been here isnce last week but I knowthey need help, especially the younger one. He tries to tell us what his moms ex had done to him and then freezes and stops before he finished saying "he hurt me by".

This was the only group I could find dealing with this stuff so I am hoping anyone has some sort of advise. As well as some advice to what I can do during the time being. The boys have been  placed with us while an investigation is being done on the mom. I have already sent them pics of the clothes they had been in, pictures of the 7 yr old feet that were covered in sores from being dirty and wearing no socks in shoes that were holey and too small which I took him to the hospital for while his mom still had him. Daycare has months of logs about the boys coming in the same dirty unwashed clothes days at a time, with no socks or underwear. Pictures of the wipes daycare has that they wipe the boys down every morning when they arrive to see how dirty they are which they are always brown. In short I want to make sure that they never go back to that horrible life.

Thanks for listening to me and giving me any help possible.

by on Sep. 14, 2010 at 3:29 AM
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ClaireSilva
by Group Owner on Sep. 17, 2010 at 8:25 AM

Hi Maria!  Thank God you have been able to take the boys in - it sounds like they have been living through hell!

For the 4 year old - I recommend taking it at his speed.  He will see the love and safety you give him.  You can let him know that he can always talk to you no matter what.  You can let him know that you felt sad for him and scared for him when you checked the size of his clothes and he got so scared.  If he ever discloses - make sure your reaction is calm.  You can tell him you are so proud of him for being so brave and telling you.  Let him know what the perpetrator did was wrong.  With custody battles - they tend to get so out of control that the child's words are no longer heard...  If he discloses infront of you and maybe a friend of yours - then the other person witnessing the disclosure has more validity...  sounds crazy and horrible - but I think the judicial system is always prejudiced - thinking people make up stories of abuse to get custody...  But with that mentality - children who really are being abused don't have a voice.

~Claire

 Author of   A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

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