Hello! I'm hoping to reach moms who are interested in protecting their children from sexual predators & moms whose children have already been violated. Let this group be a source of strength and support for each other so we are all more educated in how to protect children.
Claire
It gets worse: as I was gently preparing her for the initial interview with detectives and child welfare, she then disclosed that her cousin had abused her as well, although just once. And you ready for this? This cousin was only 6 or 7 at the time! Even worse, that summer when it happened, I was taking my daughter along with me to the courthouse in the county where my brother(this cousin's father) resides to offer him support. This is b/c the boy's mother had remarried and had a daughter. She had then divorced. The father of this girl, my nephew's half-sister, was alleging in court that his daughter told him her brother was molesting her. And at the time, we all thought this man was making these allegations in an attempt to win custody of his daughter! And that is exactly what the court thought, too.
Can you imagine--my dd was molested by two people, both known to her and trusted by me, before she was 5. Or how I felt, to have this double-whammy dropped on me to have to deal with? I was grievously sickened by both, but finding out that my nephew had done this to my daughter meant he had in all probability done it to his half sister, too! I can't tell you how tormented I was, and still am, over this. To think I took my dd along with me to that courthouse, with her backpack of coloring books and toys to keep her busy, while I showed solidarity for my brother!! And the half sister--that poor girl, who wasn't believed! Who is still in harm's way, b/c in order to allow for the investigation of the teenager to proceed, this has to wait, too.
I had broken contact with my brother for other reasons a little over a year ago. I have told the D.A. that my concern is not to prosecute the nephew, but to get him help. The child himself has in all likelyhood been abused himself(statistics bear this out); his inadequate caring for by my alcoholic brother and neglectful mother is part of the reason I had to break contact.
So now, 10 months after my daughter disclosed, we are waiting to see if it will go to trial.
Yes, I wish there was more information on juvenile sex abusers! I would like to have any and all information anyone else has to pass on! I can tell you that despite the absolutely HUGE impact this has had in my daughter's life, she is doing pretty well. She disclosed. That isn't the case for most children.
Thanks again for starting the group. I think I've said enough for now, but I am very grateful for a safe place to talk.
My children have been through hell & back - but I can honestly say that they are well adjusted kids.
Any questions, advice... feel free to ask, and if I don't know I'm sure one of us will come up with something...
Claire
You got it right! You have to count your blessings that your daugher told - and pat yourself on the back - that you believed her!!!
Claire
Blessings & Harmony,
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Best wishes!
Claire
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Mother of 2 beautiful children!!
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Hello.
I am so glad I found this group. My 4 year old daugher was molested at Bible School this past July. She disclosed this to me and I contacted Children's Services and nothing was done about it. They said she was "too young" to vocalize what she told me because she used the word "penis". I taught her the correct words for body parts.
This has been very frustrated because it was the asst. director of the church's children's ministry and nobody believed us. In fact, my daughter's godparents are the pastor and his wife of the church and they didn't believe us either. The church has banned my daughter from the church and the pastor's house until I "work on my issues" because they think I made it up since I have abuse issues from my past.
My health has been suffering from all of this. I really feel like I had a "nervous breakdown" last month and I am fighting to get my strength back right now. I am a single mom and this has been very hard to go through alone.
My daughter was also molested when she was 2 by a man that I thought was my friend. Again, nothing was done because she was "too young" to be a credible witness. But she told me and showed me what happened. She even told the police and children's services. Nothing was done.
My daughter, Kelsi, has nightmares all the time about the man at Bible school. Sometimes she gets confused and insists that she lied about the incident, but I really believe what she originally said because she drew me an accurate picture.
Some days I feel stronger and then other days, like today, I feel like I am starting all over with my recovery. Kelsi woke me up with another nightmare today and I feel defeated all over again.
Thanks for letting me tell our story!
Kelli
Claire
I hate that our legal and social service systems do not listen to children! Who cares how young they are - they are still human beings that can communicate when something is wrong! UGH! It infuriates me! Luckily my son's story was heard loud & clear & given the fact that the perp was a juvenile - I was able to have him removed quickly w/ no right to see us again... But I know several moms whose children have disclosed & their words are not heard by our courts! It is insane!
Kelli - that your daughter has nightmares at times - is in no way a reflection that you or her are going backwards in your healing/progress! I truly believe survivors will have nightmares when things are calm & they feel safe. It is the time when the sould can process horrible memories by letting them surface & be cleaned - or replaced with new nice memories...
We found the best thing for my sons - was that they knew to report any bad dreams immediately & we would talk about them. If they didn't talk about them, my oldest would have the dream repeat over several nights. When we sat & discussed the dreams we could always trace them back to the perpetrator - my stepson.
My son had intrusive memories (re-living the trauma when he was awake) about huge letters and numbers... he also had a horrible dream about a pond & rain pour down & he was all alone - abandoned... We talked more & realized my stepson had worn a pajama top that had letters and numbers on it - one day when he violated my son. That early morning - it was raining outside - so he heard each drop hitting the roof and window... Thus - his dream & instrusive memories...
So - the next rainfall, we sat (sheltered) near a pond. We sat & talked and joked around - and he was able to replace everything that was tormenting him (memories & dreams) with a new happy memory...
Don't worry - your health will get better - you'll get stronger! Your daughter has a mom that loves her & will protect her - and she will be fine!
Send me an email at email@clairesilva.com & I'll send you a copy of my book...
Claire
Claire
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- ClaireSilva
on Nov. 10, 2007 at 11:52 PM