Welcome to all moms!

Replies:

• 
• by
  • elvir2babes
  on Nov. 22, 2007 at 9:18 PM
• Hello and thanks for having me. I would like to stay tuned to this group and learn how to prevent this.

• 
• by
  • ClaireSilva
  on Nov. 23, 2007 at 8:06 PM
• Hi elvir2babes - Welcome!  
  
  I'm going to list some information from my book here:
  
  SIGNS OF POTENTIAL SEXUAL OFFENDERS 
  
  Warning signs of an adult perpetrator
  Special interest in children – work situations often involve children
  Taking on a role of care-taker of a family that is not his/her family
  Excessive need to be near younger children
  May or may not have other adult relationships
  Seeking a spouse or partner who has children from a previous relationship 
  Appearing as the ideal person your child should be with
  Excessively planning quality time or “special trips” with a child
  Giving gifts to a child
  Giving gifts to family members to win over parents—they become less on guard
  Pitting children against each other
  Having an extreme focus on one child
  People who openly show their anger, jealousy of children, and controlling behavior
  Knowing too much about kids’ things:  games they play, music they listen to, and styles of clothes they wear 
  
  Warning signs of a juvenile perpetrator
  Stealing behavior
  Easily playing with children of a younger age for long periods of time
  Excessive need to be near younger children
  Touching of younger children (head, shoulders, back)Excessive talking—distracting adults through words Trying to appear as a “buddy” or “helper” to the parent—never leaving their side
  Wanting to sleep with younger children
  Taking apart objects—especially electronic gadgets
  An individual who is picked on by other kids at school                     
  Does not express any personal emotions
  Does not show signs of bonding to other people—no strong relationships
  Aggressive behaviors
  School or social behavior problems
  Damaging body partsAnger problems
  Severe mental health issues
  Hurts or kills animals
  Setting fires  
  
  Copyright © 2005 by Claire Silva (Author of A Child’s Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse)  http://www.clairesilva.comAll rights reserved.  This information is protected by copyright.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher.  

• 
• by
  • elvir2babes
  on Nov. 25, 2007 at 8:47 PM
• Thanks for this list, but now I am a bit confused, does this mean that a child who is naturally agressive and hurts animals would be an abuser?
  Also I see that all kids get picked on at school, maybe some get picked on more, some less.
  I am just trying to understand.  Thanks.
  

• 
• by
  • ClaireSilva
  on Nov. 26, 2007 at 12:23 AM

• Hello!  The list is possible signs...  or there can be perpetrators that don't show any of these signs...
  
  Any single item in the list does not necessarily mean the person is a predator - but if an individual exhibits several of the signs...  I would see them as a "red" flag person...
  
  Claire

• 
• by
  • elvir2babes
  on Nov. 26, 2007 at 12:25 AM
• Thank you for responding. 

• 
• by
  • ClaireSilva
  on Dec. 1, 2007 at 2:40 PM
• Signs of a Child Who May Have Been or is Being Sexually Abused  
  
  Behavior problems—acting out in school or acting out against family members
  Getting picked on by older siblings or other children
  A child who feels uncomfortable with his/her body
  A child who feels uncomfortable with his/her gender Stealing        
  Taking apart objects/toys
  Isolated/withdrawn          
  Perfectionist
  Violent outbursts against others—breaking things intentionally (windows, doors)        
  A child who avoids certain people with no explanation
  Overly emotional around certain people
  A child who does not have many friends           
  Actively burning, cutting, piercing body parts                                        
  Purposely setting things on fire—furniture, objects, buildings                    
  Seizures        
  Using drugs/alcohol         
  Suicide ideation/suicide attempts         
  Torturing or killing animals       
  Ulcers, stomach problems 
  Pain in areas of the body— anus, vagina          
  Raw skin in areas of the body—rectum, vagina           
  Trouble sleeping     
  Going to bed very late and waking up very early          Anxiety/fear
  Losing control of bowels    
  Diarrhea       
  Excessive touching or self-harming of private areas (accidental/intentional)
  Excessive eating / under eating
  Bulimia, Anorexia           
  Shifts in personality—Talkative to shy, outgoing to isolated, good student to poor       
  Purposely showing off private parts of the body without embarrassment  
  Making sexual noises, groans, grunts
  Excessive fear of things (real or imaginary) or certain people           
  Blood from any body openings    
  Urinary tract infections, throat infections 
  Unexplained gagging
  Any sexually transmitted diseases    
  
  Copyright © 2005 by Claire Silva (Author of A Child’s Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse)  http://www.clairesilva.comAll rights reserved.  This information is protected by copyright.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher. 

• 
• by
  • elvir2babes
  on Dec. 9, 2007 at 1:24 AM
• Thanks for these lists on what to look for.
  Wanted to stop in and wish you all a Merry Christmas!
  
  
  

• 
• by
  • ClaireSilva
  on Dec. 19, 2007 at 8:46 PM
• Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
  
  Claire

   Author of   A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

• 
• by
  • Ang07
  on Dec. 23, 2007 at 1:08 AM
• Hi, thank you for letting me know about your group. My story is long so I will give you the very shortest version I can. I have been both molested as a child and almost 2 years ago found out that two of my daughters were being molested. I knew the warning signs I saw them all in both of my girls I talked to them for years and each time I would get the same reaction that nothing was happening and that they would tell me if it were. I don't blame them for waiting so long I know what they were going through. I also know it isn't my fault and I did everything I could do until they opened up but I still blame myself. I mean there isn't a parent alive that wouldn't blame themselves for something like that no matter what. It is my job to protect my kids and I thought I was doing a great job at it and then the day I was slapped in the face came. Ever since that day I have become very aware who is around, why they are there, how long they are around and I don't let my kids out of my site. I'll stop at that for now. Thanks for sending me an invite to your group. I have made it my goal now more then ever to help anyone going through any type of abuse to get out.

   

  

• 
• by
  • ClaireSilva
  on Dec. 23, 2007 at 8:46 PM
• Hi Angie!  I'm happy you posted your story!  How old are your girls now?  Now that they have disclosed and it was a couple of years ago, do they talk openly about what happened to them?
  
  Claire

   Author of   A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

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