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At the beginning...Where do I go from here?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2008 at 3:36 AM
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Ok.  So one year ago, my teenage daughter told me that my bf had touched her inappropriately.  We dealt with the situation as best we could, but did not report it to any one other than CPS.  Because she was 16 and fully clothed and because my daughter said that my bf was asleep when it had happened and my bf had no recollection of it at all...welll, I was furious at first.  But then, I started really paying attention to how she behaved when she saw him, and really, she wasn't standoffish or anything.  So, last Monday, we went to counseling (my daughter and I) and she adds a new part to her account, that my bf tried to put his hand down her pants.

Well, I was floored! My daughter swears that she told me this before but I have no memory of her telling me. So, I went to a friend's house to  make sure that I never talked about this particular thing before (My friend's daughter is one of the few people that my daughter ever told) and even she said that my daughter never said that before. 

My daughter has a history of being very dramatic and of lying to further her ends.  She's not dependable in many other ways.

So, although I'm sure something of this sort happened to her at some point, how do I know if what she;s saying is true when I have heard two conflicting stories from her? Like, did both of these things happen with my bf, or were there two situations with two or more other men?

We have talked to a counselor about it who is a court-mandated reporter. So, whether her story is true or not, the ball is rolling. It was both of our decisions to tell the councelor.  If any one can relate and share their stories and advise (without giving me your judgment of me) , I'd love to hear it.

Thanks.





by on Oct. 8, 2008 at 3:36 AM
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Replies (1-2):
mom3sbb
by on Oct. 16, 2008 at 8:56 PM

I would beleive your daughter. Sometimes they can't tell you the whole story when it happens. When this happened to my daughter she couldn't tell me the whole story at first cus she was afraid. When your child tells you something like this you have to beleive them. f you don't she might end up resenting you for the rest of your life. Of coarse your bf  is going to deny it. They all deny it. Cuz their a bunch of cowards. Good luck with your situation. group hug

ClaireSilva
by Group Owner on Oct. 17, 2008 at 9:12 PM

Hello!  Hopefully you are no longer with your boyfriend at this point...

If you are with him - your daughter's story will keep changing...

Perpetrators are master manipulators.  The thing to be thankful for is that your daughter told you.  Even if it doesn't make sense or add up - try not to spend time on disecting her story.  Any child who has been sexually violated - needs to know they are believed, loved, protected and never to be blamed.  That is the only healthy way they can progress through the trauma...

Claire

 Author of   A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

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