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What's wrong with our society?

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 7:54 PM
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Hi everyone, I'm new here and looking for advice to keep me calm during this difficult situation.  My daughter who is 11 years old was sleeping over at a friends house when she woke up to find her friends 16 year old brother fondling her breast.  When she turned he ducked behind the couch and hid and waited there until he thought she fell asleep.  My daughter came home at 7 am and told me everything that had happened.  I discussed the issue first with his mother who was a good friend of mine and she seemed very supportive at first.  Then she spoke with her son who of course denied everything which started a huge rift with us.  They went as far as trying to bring harassment charges on me.  My daughter has spoken with the police as well as children's services and they are bringing suppossed to bring charges against the boy but they don't seem to be moving to quick. 

In the meantime by daughter is being tortured by all of the neighbors.  None of the children, including girls are allowed to play with her anymore because their parents are siding with the other family.  I had an adult neighbor scream at her that she was a lying little bitch.  I only spoke with one mother on the street in regards to the matter and only because her daughter stays the night there too, and I didn't want anything to happen to her.  My daughter told two of her friends on the street after it happened.  The mother of the boy I am accusing is going around saying terrible things about my daughter.  These people have gone as far as taking this out on my 5 year son as well.  They yell at him if he is playing on the sidewalk in front of their house.  What's wrong with society?  I'm so frustrated with how my daughter is being treated and the cops tell me there is nothing they can do.  Were is the vindication for my child, the victim of a crime. 

by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 7:54 PM
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by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 8:22 PM

I am so sorry for what happened to your daughter, and then for the fallout from her telling.  Please please please...reinforce to her every day, many times a day, over and over...telling was the right thing for her to do!  And you are one great mama b/c too many mamas don't even believe their child when they do tell.

The fallout is b/c ppl just DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE that this their neighborhoods, by their own sons, their own kids' friends...

PLEASE let your daughter know that this is a hard lesson on the ways of the world...but it is the WORLD that is the problem, not her.

Good luck with the detectives...but be prepared.  Most times it comes down to a she-said, he-said kind of thing, unless the perp confesses.  That's because even with a sexual assault that includes penetration, it rarely leaves the time most kids tell, anyway.  And yes, unfortunately I know this from personal experience.

"I'll fight for a person's right to speak so long as that person will, in return, fight to allow me to challenge their opinions and ridicule them as the content of their ideas merit."



by Group Owner on Jul. 30, 2009 at 7:52 AM

Hi Jenjaq!  I completely agree with goodwoman - no matter what anyone else says - keep telling your daughter she is so brave & wonderful for telling you...  Let your son hear those messages too - so they both learn that no matter what anyone does/says to them - your daughter did the best thing - tell you.  You want both of your kids to always know they can turn to you with anything...

Congratulations on being a strong mom!!!!  It may seem that everyone is against you - but  stand your ground!  Unfortunately I think it is more common for people to take the bizarre turn.  People don't want to believe that sexual abuse happens.  They think it is easiest to blame the child that has been violated than seriously look at the perpetrator & work to protect other children.

You did what you can by warning other parents & you've done what you can with supporting your children & giving them the right messages.  If any bullying or harassment occurs - let the other families know you will pursue it legally...

Yes - our society is a strange one!  I don't understand it & have now after so many year - found peace with just concentrating on my kids & not worrying about saving everyone.  Most parents don't want to hear  your message - even though you are trying to help them protect their kids...  It has been a hard lesson for me...

~ Claire

 Author of   A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

by New Member on Jul. 30, 2009 at 4:13 PM

Thank you for all the advice and support.  They did arrest the boy today which brings some relief. 

by on Aug. 2, 2009 at 8:52 PM

I'm glad to hear they finally arrested him but I would still let your daughter know that what she did was the right thing because it might just get worse before it gets better with his family

by on Aug. 26, 2010 at 11:41 PM

Wow, this is not good.  I'm not sure what to do in your situation but your daughter definitely was a victim in this situation.  You have to figure out how to get this to stop so he doesn't abuse anyone else. 

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