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http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/037550821X

I've just started this book and it is very eye-opening...anyone else read this?


by on Feb. 7, 2010 at 3:12 PM
Replies (21-26):
Babyness Catherine
by on Mar. 12, 2010 at 11:00 PM

If you're willing and see something you like in my book list, I'd like to borrow/trade (see the post about book lending) you for this book when you're done with it. I'd love to read it.

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

BRIGHT BLESSINGS!
Imamom4sure
by on May. 31, 2011 at 3:28 AM

Democracy now! show, amy goodman is interview the co-author of this book and has three interview of him in one,

http://www.democracynow.org/

Dr. Gabor Maté on the Stress-Disease Connection, Addiction, Attention Deficit Disorder and the Destruction of American Childhood

Gabormate

Today, a Democracy Now! special with the Canadian physician and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté. From disease to addiction, parenting to attention deficit disorder, Dr. Maté’s work focuses on the centrality of early childhood experiences to the development of the brain, and how those experiences can impact everything from behavioral patterns to physical and mental illness. While the relationship between emotional stress and disease, and mental and physical health more broadly, is often considered controversial within medical orthodoxy, Dr. Maté argues too many doctors seem to have forgotten what was once a commonplace assumption, that emotions are deeply implicated in both the development of illness, addictions and disorders, and in their healing. [includes rush transcript]

girlwithC Amy
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 10:03 AM

I listened to that series of interviews awhile back (I actually keep the page open on my computer since the rush transcript is pretty good.)  Remember when we made those wish lists of books for the giveaway in UcP?  Gabor Mate was on my list.  lol  I usually have a couple of his titles open in Google books (you can't just sit there & read page after page because they are technically previews and parts of the books are missing, but it is an easy way for me to get quotes from or consult titles by Mate or Carl Rogers, search terms, etc.)

One of my favorite quotes from a couple of Mate's books (which is just a quote from another practitioner in his area, anyway) is something like "Children swim in their parents' unconscious like fish swim in the sea."  Whatever we don't deal with in our lives (our unfinished emotional business), we pass on to our children.  The "transmission process" is generally in the form of projection, or simply not accurately understanding them.  (Not accurately understanding their needs when we respond to behavior, even an anxious caring response if not accurate is poor attunement & accurate understanding/attunement is the KEY element of a healthy attachment, along with responsiveness.) 

That quote (about children swimming in their parents' unconscious) appears in his book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" (about addiction & compulsive behaviors, all self-soothing techniques) and also in "Scattered:  How attention deficit disorder originates & what you can do about it."

These are all manifestations of the effects of poor attunement (resulting from stressed parenting, mostly---and certainly as possible with parents who are "AP" as other types) and yes, medical illness/disease is another manifestation of the same thing.  ("When the Body Says No" is his book that covers the medical/emotional connection and disease.)

Imamom4sure
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 10:58 AM

Wow! these books are soooooooooooo on my wish list, I hope I can get them at my local library (since at the moment, I am holding off on spending money until we figure out our budget a bit better)

he seems like a very intelligent and intuitive man!

Quoting girlwithC:

I listened to that series of interviews awhile back (I actually keep the page open on my computer since the rush transcript is pretty good.)  Remember when we made those wish lists of books for the giveaway in UcP?  Gabor Mate was on my list.  lol  I usually have a couple of his titles open in Google books (you can't just sit there & read page after page because they are technically previews and parts of the books are missing, but it is an easy way for me to get quotes from or consult titles by Mate or Carl Rogers, search terms, etc.)

One of my favorite quotes from a couple of Mate's books (which is just a quote from another practitioner in his area, anyway) is something like "Children swim in their parents' unconscious like fish swim in the sea."  Whatever we don't deal with in our lives (our unfinished emotional business), we pass on to our children.  The "transmission process" is generally in the form of projection, or simply not accurately understanding them.  (Not accurately understanding their needs when we respond to behavior, even an anxious caring response if not accurate is poor attunement & accurate understanding/attunement is the KEY element of a healthy attachment, along with responsiveness.) 

That quote (about children swimming in their parents' unconscious) appears in his book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" (about addiction & compulsive behaviors, all self-soothing techniques) and also in "Scattered:  How attention deficit disorder originates & what you can do about it."

These are all manifestations of the effects of poor attunement (resulting from stressed parenting, mostly---and certainly as possible with parents who are "AP" as other types) and yes, medical illness/disease is another manifestation of the same thing.  ("When the Body Says No" is his book that covers the medical/emotional connection and disease.)


FelipesMom Leticia
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 11:20 AM

Felipe has been in preschool full time since he was 2 1/2. What I find very interesting about this conversation, and Felipe, is how concerned his teachers always are that he is so "adult-oriented." Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing after all...

Quoting earthmama65:

The idea that children need attachment to a healthy mature adults is so key in this book.  It is hitting home with me because I had Eli in day care from 18 months for nearly a year.  Prior to that he had a nanny who also had a toddler to take care of.  The thesis is that in the absence of strong parental attachment, children need to attach to someone as a compass.  More frequently and usually after school starts (or day care), the children are getting their attachment needs met by peers and this leads to all sorts of problems.

It makes me count my blessings that the economy has made it that I have to work at home and can't afford day care.  If and when the economy picks up, I will keep this in mind and not change the situation.  Also reinforces my plans to unschool.

 

LETICIA  (kind of rhymes with Patricia)
Mom to Felipe, born 11-24-2006

Group Owner - Unconditional Parenting, Earthy Tribal Mamas
Admin - Loving Alternatives to Mainstream Parenting

Imamom4sure
by on Jun. 2, 2011 at 3:11 PM

yes, I agree.

I'm sad at how many parents are resigned not to have any influence over their children, which I don't get, why are peers, and movies and other sources okay to inspire the kids but not the parents?

I'm not talking about being a controlling parent, but a connected one. :)

and you're a pretty connected mama in my opinion. what do you think of those interviews of Mate with Amy goodman?

Quoting FelipesMom:

Felipe has been in preschool full time since he was 2 1/2. What I find very interesting about this conversation, and Felipe, is how concerned his teachers always are that he is so "adult-oriented." Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing after all...

Quoting earthmama65:

The idea that children need attachment to a healthy mature adults is so key in this book.  It is hitting home with me because I had Eli in day care from 18 months for nearly a year.  Prior to that he had a nanny who also had a toddler to take care of.  The thesis is that in the absence of strong parental attachment, children need to attach to someone as a compass.  More frequently and usually after school starts (or day care), the children are getting their attachment needs met by peers and this leads to all sorts of problems.

It makes me count my blessings that the economy has made it that I have to work at home and can't afford day care.  If and when the economy picks up, I will keep this in mind and not change the situation.  Also reinforces my plans to unschool.

 


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