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Group "oaths" newest guideline added 6/19/11, please read and sign off on!

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This is a private group, sometimes sensitive information is posted, even though this is the internet, do your best to keep what is in this group (namely the personal information of members) confidential, protect each other's privacy. **(here's a link about the privacy of each forum, many of which are group member eyes only and are not in cafemom searches, but some are searchable and cafemom members can read but not reply, only the bookclub and the "links/guideline/about this group" forum" is imediately viewable, posts can be made by nonmembers as well)

Be Respectful to each other.

Be Kind to each other.

Before you respond to a post, ask yourself: is what I'm writing kind or respectful? 

Simply stated, please make your responses thoughtful or acknowledging. :)

assume the best of your L-amp sisters, if your feelings are hurt, it's okay to share that your hurting or why your hurting, or simply that something hurt your feelings, just also assume that the person did it unintentionally.

if you make a post please aim to somehow acknowledge everyone who replied to your post (it helps with a sense of inclusiveness) however sometimes that is not always possible to do in a timely manner.

Please save debates (opposing viewpoints) for posts that clearly ask for debate.   It's okay to debate, but can be dangerous if the OP was wanting some empathy and understanding, or simply support for what she is trying to do. (if you have another point of view feel free to start your own thread)

or clarity sake, sometimes it is difficult to tell if you want empathy or advise, support or debate, so please somewhere in your post state whether you are open to debate or want empathy only.

 Aim to respond supportive to the OP. (identify with the OP, look for underlying feelings/needs and respond to what those are, ask questions that help you empathize, and only give advise that is within the OP's parenting goals)  Practice Reflextive listening if you are inclined since most members are here because they have a strong need to be heard, understood and helped with goals. (often, when a mom gets peaceful from being heard, she can come up with ideas on her own, so aim to show understanding first)

if you quote someone then they are to be treated like an OP to you, in that you identify with them, empathize and validate them and offer support for what they are saying or trying to do.  this too can help bring peace and understanding and prevent accidental hurt feelings.

Please respect that this is a group for offering alternative solutions to common parenting issues, if you prefer a mainstream way for a particular issue, that is fine.  What is not fine, is to put down alternative ways or try to persuade others to use mainstream methods.  This is a type of group that members come here for support for topics outside the mainstream because we are often surrounded by the mainstream.  (besides it's easy to get mainstream advise, so best to help this group be a group for alternatives)

If you see something problematic that doesn't contribute to the emotional safety of the group feel free to hit the "report" button, (it doesn't get reported to CM, but just to me) so that we can help each other get on track of keeping this group safe and kind.  I'm sure no one meant to hurt your feelings, but sometimes due to internet a person may not know that they are being brusk.  Accidents happen, no one is going to get in trouble, but sometimes folks are unaware of what they did, and sometimes staff didn't get a chance to see the issue.  it can be mild, and something you just witness, that doesn't look validating or empathetic to the OP. (or if it happens towards yourself)

by on Feb. 11, 2010 at 10:17 AM
Replies (31-40):
mlmartinez maria
by on Mar. 29, 2010 at 2:51 PM

okie dokie

by on Mar. 29, 2010 at 5:15 PM

sounds good to me : )



MirWoo Miranda
by on Mar. 29, 2010 at 5:17 PM

Sounds good!


Xakana xak
by on Mar. 30, 2010 at 6:44 PM

Something I always strive for, but definitely have to keep reminding myself :)

Imamom4sure ♥Kim
by on Mar. 30, 2010 at 6:55 PM

me too! (I confess, I have been making these guidelines to remind myself and out of my own hard knock learning and accidental internet fumbles)

Quoting Xakana:

Something I always strive for, but definitely have to keep reminding myself :)

by on Mar. 31, 2010 at 12:38 AM

Sounds great to me:) Jill

SnglNaturalMama Ruth
by on Mar. 31, 2010 at 11:27 PM

If only these guidelines were in place in everyday real life, too!!!


MomManual4me Karen
by on Apr. 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM

Sounds good to me.  I am the last person to critic another Moms way of thinking :)

Karen Grunwald

*action not just theory for Mom's who need solutions!!!

by on Apr. 7, 2010 at 12:42 AM

sounds good

boncork Bonnie
by on Apr. 8, 2010 at 12:43 PM


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