Group "oaths" newest guideline added 6/19/11, please read and sign off on!
This is a private group, sometimes sensitive information is posted, even though this is the internet, do your best to keep what is in this group (namely the personal information of members) confidential, protect each other's privacy. **(here's a link about the privacy of each forum, many of which are group member eyes only and are not in cafemom searches, but some are searchable and cafemom members can read but not reply, only the bookclub and the "links/guideline/about this group" forum" is imediately viewable, posts can be made by nonmembers as well)
Be Respectful to each other.
Be Kind to each other.
Before you respond to a post, ask yourself: is what I'm writing kind or respectful?
Simply stated, please make your responses thoughtful or acknowledging. :)
assume the best of your L-amp sisters, if your feelings are hurt, it's okay to share that your hurting or why your hurting, or simply that something hurt your feelings, just also assume that the person did it unintentionally.
if you make a post please aim to somehow acknowledge everyone who replied to your post (it helps with a sense of inclusiveness) however sometimes that is not always possible to do in a timely manner.
Please save debates (opposing viewpoints) for posts that clearly ask for debate. It's okay to debate, but can be dangerous if the OP was wanting some empathy and understanding, or simply support for what she is trying to do. (if you have another point of view feel free to start your own thread)
For clarity sake, sometimes it is difficult to tell if you want empathy or advise, support or debate, so please somewhere in your post state whether you are open to debate or want empathy only.
Aim to respond supportive to the OP. (identify with the OP, look for underlying feelings/needs and respond to what those are, ask questions that help you empathize, and only give advise that is within the OP's parenting goals) Practice Reflextive listening if you are inclined since most members are here because they have a strong need to be heard, understood and helped with goals. (often, when a mom gets peaceful from being heard, she can come up with ideas on her own, so aim to show understanding first)
if you quote someone then they are to be treated like an OP to you, in that you identify with them, empathize and validate them and offer support for what they are saying or trying to do. this too can help bring peace and understanding and prevent accidental hurt feelings.