the magic of encouragement by Stephanie marston
The Magic of Encouragement: Nurturing your child's self-Esteem by Stephanie Marston
Years ago, I checked this book out at the library and found it awesome, I decided to buy it used through amazon, and again, I'm very impressed with the book, I haven't finished rereading it.
I think the first time I read it, I skipped the beginning which was on "Self Care" back then I didn't realize my parenting issues were due to me not taking optimal care of my self, and managing stress constructively. back then I thought it wasn't so important, I thought I was fine and was satisfied with what I was giving myself (the concept of loving myself enough) anyway, I have a new appreciation of this section.
Also, I hadn't realized how much positive influence this book had on my parenting, it gave me so much in ways of parenting how I want to parent.
Basically, She says there are "4 factors" necessary to have high self esteem:
Belonging,(social creatures need a sense of connection with others)
Uniqueness (appreciation and attention and affection for who we are),
Power (she means this as feeling empowered, some sense of influence on ones day and environment),
Freedom of Expression (first amendment rights) she writes: "Childern must be able to say what they think, openly express their feelings, and ask for what they want or need if they are ever to develop an integrated sense of self"
(page 31) two guiding principals:
1-get to know your kids needs, and examine how they are currently being met in the four areas (think of belonging, uniqueness, power, and freedom as basic needs)
2-remember: Our Kids are always trying to get their needs met . Consequently, if one of these four basic needs is unfulfilled, the child will focus a great deal of his attention on that area in order to fill the emotional hole the best way they can.