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My story...

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2008 at 1:23 PM
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For anonymity reasons, actual names are withheld.

Back in January, my older sister, Paige, and my younger sister, Amber , and myself, and our 6 kids (we each got blesses- one boy, one girl), were all sitting at Amber's home, when Paige started crying... Amber and I looked at eachother and I asked her what was wrong. Paige said that her 4-year-old daughter had openly started talking about how she was touched. (Details will remain unspecified unless requested. ONLY for the strong-stomached!) Amber and I asked her who it was, and she said she didn't want to say until she had her daughter checked because of WHO it was... automatically Amber KNEW who it was... I had a good idea, too, but Amber ALWAYS had this feeling... she was the only one smart enough to keep her daughter away from him. (The reasoning will be told shortly.)
We respected that she wanted to wait, but I said that my daughter was around him nearly as often as hers, and that I needed to know for HER sake... all she could do was cry, so I knew.
Last July, my mother had a heart attack, and that ENTIRE day went by so slowly... we didn't know what was gonna happen, so since then, we've been sort of "walking on eggshells" around her, so when she came to Amber's home a short time after, we tried not to let anything be hinted... but it was hard!
That evening, after everyone went home, Paige took her daughter to the ER and they checked to see if she was still "in-tact", and it came out that she was. Even thought there was no physical evidence, she still made a police report, and an investigation by Child Protective Services had begun.
This is where the guilt comes in: the man is our biological father. Growing up he always hugged a lot, but each of us had felt uneasy about his affection, but we thought he was just a VERY affectionate person. He was our father, why would we think anything else? So, back in 2003 he was convicted of the statutory rape of a 14-year-old, and I KNOW that everyone thinks we should have stopped contact THEN, but circumstances were touchy. The charges were brought up because she cried to her mom that she wanted to be with him- that she loved him. She told the police that she did not want to get him into trouble, but her parents persisted. And my sisters and myself REALIZE she was a "child" by definition, but she acted, dressed, and carried herself like an older, more experienced girl. We just looked at it as a mistake he made, and he needed help. Ironically, about THIS story- in the present- when he was sentenced for that charge, Paige and I were present at his hearing, and we were only weeks away from our due dates... our girls were born 5 days apart in the same week!
When he got out, as per guidelines of his sentecing, he had to be registered as a sex-offender and go through some sexual abusers counseling... that's ALL we were told by HIM. He was allowed contact with relatives and any children whose parents allowed them.
When THIS investigation opened, the detective interviewed my niece and she said horrible, unimaginable, GRAPHIC, disgusting things. My sister called me and told me to talk to my daughter, and I asked her a few basic questions, and the answers I got were too hard for me to ask anymore, so I called the investigator, and the child protective srvices worker, and opened a case on my daughter.
After ALL the things we had to go through, and hear the aweful things our girls had to endure, we were informed that nothing could be done about it! They were not legally swearable into a court of law, until the age of 7!!!
We felt like there was NO hope, and we didn't know what else to do, so Paige, being as smart  as she is, called his probation officer, and the things he told us made us feel like it was Christmas... and it was that last BIG gift that you think you didn't get.... The ENTIRE time he was NEVER supposed to have ANY contact with ANY children under the age of 18, unless they RESIDED in his home, which even excluded out youngest sister, Dora, who is almost 18... Also, over a year ago, he stopped going to his counceling, stating he was dismissed from it by his probation officer- also not true! His family all live in Michigan, too, and to leave state, he had to get permission from his probation officer... which he FAILED to do!
So, even though it doesn't take any place in our daughters' justices, we are glad that he would be going to PRISON for quite some time! On EASTER, he was arrested on the grounds of violating his probation.... HAPPY EASTER, GIRLS!
However, our girls have come out with new information almost every other day, and they are in counceling, but still we wonder... how do you NOT know!?! My niece has more stories and details than my daughter because she was around him more often and constantly when they would visit with him, whereas my daughter hung around his wife more often.
My sisters and I have SO much guilt because of this, and now our pasts are being questioned. We just wonder how many of our friends, family, anyone else he may have gotten to... maybe he stopped at a specific age because of memory sake, or maybe he made it seem ok beacuse they were so young they didn't know that it was bad... I am the one having the WORST time with this guilt because I used to make comments to EVERYONE in my family about how I have no real memries before age 7... and I have a GRAPHIC photogenic memory... except from when I was younger. When I was about 16, I had this hatred towards my mother for leaving him, and she was with someone new, but I started having embarrassing accidents and nightmares... about myself being sexually abused when I was a baby... recently I have begun to think there is a great possibility that they were flashbacks, not so much "dreams". If deep down somewhere I KNEW, I should NEVER have allowed my children to his home, especially for the weekends like they did sometimes.
So, I'm looking for advice, for myself, and the subject of my daughter. I have not read this book, but I am going to go get it now that I know there are things like that out there.
PLEASE HELP- I AM EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED!!!

by on Apr. 18, 2008 at 1:23 PM
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Replies (1-5):
MaddysMom1019
by on Apr. 21, 2008 at 10:30 PM
I just read your story. I am so sorry.

 

ClaireSilva
by Group Owner on Apr. 24, 2008 at 10:07 PM
Hello!  Very sad story - but I'm happy you and your sister have been able to support each other & get legal justice!  Hang in there - it does eventually get better!

Claire
stacypear
by on May. 30, 2008 at 9:32 PM
WOW-I am not sure what else to say!
DO NOT BLAME yourself for ANYTHING!!
Counseling will help all of you! It has helped my entire family through this. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. PLEASE remember who is to blame. It is ALWAYS the offender
TeresaJones5
by on Jun. 2, 2008 at 10:02 AM

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!!  even if you were molested you blocked it out, and yes it is easy to blame yourself bt you couldn't have known. I think you should try going to counseling also, maybe even family counseling so your son can attempt to understand what is going on.

 Come visit me

Group Administrator - http://www.cafemom.com/group/momsagainstchildsexualabuse

mmgoodman
by New Member on Nov. 8, 2008 at 6:00 PM

WOW I am sorry you all went through this but thank God one of the girls spoke out first! That is the n umber one thing now it will take eachday to move forward.

You need to get yourself into councling.Family counsling for all of you!

I was a victium of sexual and physical abuse from the age of 5 till 14. I am so glad you all believe your children. My family did not believe me. Hugs to you

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