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Posted by on Aug. 16, 2009 at 12:54 PM
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Hi my name is Constance I am the mother of 2 beautiful children.  I have just recently found out that my daughter had been sexually abused by my brother-n-law and his brother while my daughter was at my sisters house.

To be honsest this has to be the hardest thing in my life I have been through.  I am never sure what to do, I feel like I am always wrong with her.  Everyday brings on new things and new information.

 

I have lost a lot of family member due to this, which is really shows who care...I only have my husband now and a cousin.   I am just looking to see how to help my daughter and even at time just to get this stuff off my mind.

by on Aug. 16, 2009 at 12:54 PM
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Karrah31
by New Member on Nov. 20, 2009 at 11:19 AM

HI Butterfly, nice to meet you

I have a 7year old daughter myself. She was molested from the age of 18 months to nearly three until I left her father due to other kinds of abuse he caused to my children and myself, I feel guilty because I didn't know. My daughter shares what her father done to her and it's graphic and disheartening because had I known I would have done something about it. I can relate to your situation. Because my daughter has had D.S.S. investigation and police investigation twice, but there is nothing they can do to see that justice is done, because of her age when she disclosed the information, she couldn't possible have known what was going on. I find this to be untrue. Kids know alot more then we as adult want to believe. I have full custody of my daughter and he does not see her or my son they have the same father, sexual abuse is  also suspected to have occured with my son as well, but because of his Autism and his speech delays it's hard to understand whether he was a victim or not, my daughter sees a therapist and my son sees the same, she believes that he was. While it is terrible what has happened to them I think it is better if a child can voice their terrible secret, my son can not voice his, or doesn't understand why it was so wrong, i'm not sure. It's hard to determine for my son.

As a result my daughter has PTSD and OCD. The best thing that helped her is to remind her that she did nothing wrong, because my daughter always believed she was bad and that
"mommy would leave." What also helped her is when your daughter is truly ready to talk, let her talk, and no matter how mad you feel try not to show it, if you can not hide your anger then be clear with her in why you are mad. My daughter is seven and has a great fear of her father understandably, she thinks he's going to come and kill her and mommy. Your daughter is going to grow up fast sadly, and she needs your support and your words of praise and love so that she knows she's ok and that she did nothing wrong, that's the most important thing.

An example, is my daughter doesn't not call her father daddy, she calls him "liar head", these are her words, never from me. Because he has told her so many terrible lies to keep her quiet.

It has been four years since I left my ex, it does get alittle easier, but just make sure your their for her.  My daughter particularly likes to draw pictures and describe what's going on in the pictures, it helps her to tell her story.

My ex's family, knows what he has, done, the law believes my child there is just nothing that can be done, but my ex's family will protect blood no matter what. Sexual Abuse does run in my Ex's family and it appears that they don't care about this, and they allow there children to go freely with my ex when ever they want. My daughter know's this and wants to protect the children in that family, it's hard to tell her, that if the parents don't care, then there is really nothing that can be done.The latest information that has come out of my daughter is that not only did my ex molest his own child but his brother did as well. The liarhead also told her she wouldn't live passed the age of three. That has to be a terrible feeling for anyone to experience, much less a child.

So, try to get your daughter into counseling it has been a big help for my daughter. We seem to have similiar things in common, sadly, some not so good, but if you need a friend or to talk, I've been there as have many other mother's here, I'm sure they can help as well. It is hard really hard to keep a level head and not go out and hurt the person that hurts our children. What keeps me going is the thought if I were to hurt those people then I would be in jail and my children don't need to have both parents out of the picture. It takes one day at a time.

 

Karrah McMahan

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